When I first saw the Volvo S60 T6 R in Rebel Blue, I thought I was either going to fall in love with the color or shield my eyes — maybe both. My partner bounced from the former to the latter very quickly, but me? I like a polarizing hue and hoped the rest of the car was just as rebellious.

Designers must have seemed rebellious when they conjured the S60’s swoopy body with strong but flowing shoulders. You know it’s a Volvo, but the upright boxiness is long gone. RDesign models announce their intention to be unruly with decklid spoilers, black lower facia, color-matched body pieces, dual xenon headlights, 3.5” twin exhaust pipes, and that strident blue paint. “R” badges warn you not to tempt the Volvo.

The S60’s interior is not so much rebellious as comfy. As expected, deeply cushioned seats, minimalist Scandinavian dash, and thin center stack with storage behind are simple and functional. But there’s more, like a lighted shift knob with clear glasslike top, blue “watch dial” metallic gauges, a leather-wrapped sport steering wheel, and RDesign seats that are more thickly bolstered to grip your carcass.

If you like glass cockpits with beeps and buzzes, buy an Infiniti. The S60’s keyless starting, dual-zone automatic climate control, heated front seats, and navigation are very convenient but not especially flashy. Bluetooth hands-free phone connection and audio streaming, HD radio with USB/AUX inputs and Volvo Premium Sound System connect to the beyond. Check the person-shaped diagram that tells the climate control over which parts to blow.

It’s not empty rebellion if you can back it up. Stabbing at the throttle activates the 3.0-liter turbocharged six-cylinder engine that whips out 325 horsepower and 354 ft-lbs of torque. Route all of that to an ultra-responsive all-wheel-drive system through a six-speed automatic transmission, and you start to giggle like the class clown. 0-60mph rolls up in 5.5 seconds. Torque vectoring corner control helps the car do things it shouldn’t. It’s a little thirsty at 18/25 mpg city/highway, but it makes trashing backroads and wide-open Interstate a visceral joy.

It helps that the chassis is good friends with the powertrain. R-Design means the four-wheel independent suspension with multi-links in the rear is firmed up for chasing fleet-footed Germans. It can be a little stiff, but even over rough city streets, it does a good job of taming the chatter. On fresh concrete, the suspension works with 18” alloys, enlarged front brake discs, and speed sensitive steering that encourage drivers to stick their foot in deeper.

Swedish cars aren’t supposed to behave like this. They’re usually passive, comfy, and the Earth’s experts at protecting their precious human cargo. The S60 T6 R does all of that, even earning a “good” rating in the intense, new IIHS small overlap crash test. But like preachers’ kids or young Amish leaving the farm, it likes to throw down and raise a little hell.

I like this shade of hell. My partner can repent on his own terms.

A base price of $43,900 for the T6 AWD R, or $48,195 as tested, raises not an eyebrow.

Storm Forward!

2013 Volvo T6 R
Five-passenger, AWD sedan
Powertrain: 325hp 3.0-liter turbo-six, six-speed automatic transmission
Suspension f/r: Ind/Ind
Wheels: 18”/18” alloy f/r
Brakes: disc/disc fr/rr with ABS
Must-have features: Volvo DNA, General Lee’s spirit
Fuel economy: 18/25 mpg city/hwy
Assembly: Ghent, Belgium
Base/As-tested price: $43,900/$48,195

On Thursday of last week, Bertel Schmitt at The Truth About Cars posted a story with this headline: “Small SUV Crashopalooza: Detroit Loses, Dykes Win”.

He was not referring to Dutch levee systems.

He was not referring to my third-grade classmate, Carol Dykes. (It would’ve been a pretty weird coincidence if he had.)

He was referring to lesbians — specifically, lesbians and their alleged love of the Subaru Forester.

I’m not going to link directly to Schmitt’s article because it was a stunt, a ploy for pageviews. Linking to it would give The Truth About Cars more traffic, better stats, and the opportunity to earn more ad revenue. As someone wiser than me once said: screw that noise.

The good news is that Schmitt’s idiocy failed to win the day. Shortly after he published the article, car fans flooded The Truth About Cars with comments and complaints. By Friday afternoon, the blowback was so severe that one of the site’s editors, Steven Lang, resigned.

The bad news is that Schmitt, the site’s editor-in-chief, still has his job and shows no sign of contrition.

Worse, Schmitt knew that he was using a seriously offensive, homophobic slur.

And worst of all, he tried to use Wikipedia to justify it:

PS: Before you start to tar and feather me for Detroit bashing LGBT discrimination, please be notified that according to the all-knowing Wikipedia, the term “dyke” originated “as a derogatory label for a masculine woman, and this usage still exists.” Shame on them. “However, some persons attempt to use it in a manner that they see as positive, or as a neutral synonym for lesbian,” and those persons include the Schmitts.”

First of all, it takes a certain brand of stupidity and hubris (on par with that demonstrated by the wackjobs at Amy’s Baking Company or Edward Smith, captain of the RMS Titanic) to assume that you can throw around slurs as if you belong to the slurred minority. This usually doesn’t end well. Ask Michael Richards.

Second of all, no matter what you’re trying to prove, you should probably find better source material than Wikipedia.

And third, if you’re going to make a seriously dumb statement, don’t bring the rest of your family down with you.

OUR TAKE

Schmitt wasn’t wrong to suggest that certain demographic groups prefer certain vehicles. Here at Gaywheels, we’ve often written about that phenomenon.

In fact, the idea that similar people gravitate toward similar products is a core principle in marketing. For example, women tend to prefer certain books and movies and hobbies, while men have their own tastes. This applies to autos, too: paint a car pink, and you can pretty much write off any potential male shoppers. These are broad generalizations of course, but there’s a kernel of truth to them.

No, Schmitt’s idiocy lies solely in his decision to use the charged word “dyke”. It’s an ugly slur, and like the equivalent “fag”, its use is appropriate only in certain contexts. Schmitt knew full well that his article wasn’t one of them, which is why his postscript justification seems so glib and halfhearted.

The fact that Schmitt used the slur to sensationalize an otherwise bland article about IIHS crash test ratings — and that he used it at a time when members of the LGBT community are still being bullied, beaten, and even killed for being themselves —  makes his offense that much worse. Unfortunately, his ploy paid off.

We applaud Lang for stepping down and wish him all the best in the future.

[Hat tip to former Gaywheels editor Joe Tralongo, plus Jalopnik and Jim Romenesko.]

The past year has been an historic one for the LGBT community. America elected a president who believes in marriage equality and put a record number of LGBT politicians in office at the federal, state, and local levels. Voters approved marriage equality at the ballot box and fended off attacks from our foes. Elsewhere around the globe, marriage equality and other LGBT rights have been progressing, too.

All that forward movement makes what’s happened in Indiana doubly sad.

As you might recall, an organization called the Indiana Youth Group has been working hard to create a specialty licence plate in support of LGBT young people. At one point, it looked as if the group was on the verge of success, when the whole process fell apart (due in part to some of the Youth Group’s own actions, which may have been technically illegal).

After the collapse, the Indiana Youth Group began discussions with the state’s Bureau of Motor Vehicles. The Youth Group had hoped that agreeing to a suspension period as penance for its missteps would allow the LGBT plate to move forward. However, this week the BMW cut off all negotiations with the group.

In fairness, that’s not really the BMV’s fault. The move results from a law passed by Indiana legislators, which creates a special commission to identify and recommend specialty license plates.

Now, the Youth Group has two choices: to begin a formal appeal, or to apply to the as-yet-unformed commission for a specialty license plate. Both paths appear to put the group back at square one.

Interestingly, Representative Ed Soliday, who pushed for the new law, says that he didn’t order the BMV to cut off negotiations with the Youth Group. He also claims that his bill wasn’t targeted at the Youth Group directly, but rather at the proliferation of specialty plates.

The situation is frustrating, to be sure — but maybe it’s to be expected, too. Speaking of the politically charged atmosphere around the issue of marriage equality in Illinois, Reverend Phyllis Pennese recently said, “The soup always boils just before it’s done and the soup is boiling now…. That’s why there’s all this fury around this issue because it’s almost about to be done.”

We hope so, reverend. We really hope so.

[via Towleroad]

Some people (and cars) are just born with that special something — a star power that not only makes them special, but also makes it acceptable for them to be a bit more demanding of the world around them. This phenomenon is often dubbed “being a diva”, and it applies just as much to famous people who demand Cool Ranch Doritos in their dressing rooms (lookin’ at you, Britney Spears) as to cars like this 2013 Mazda MazdaSpeed3: both are larger than life, frighteningly powerful, and occasionally demonstrate signs of being a bit unbalanced.

Our test MazdaSpeed3 was also a very bright, sensual red (Velocity Red Mica) that not only screamed “fast” and “give me a ticket”, but also hinted at this car’s seductive charms. One might say it was a shade of “hussy red”, but that would be taking it too far, as this hatchback looks handsome in all photos, especially when equipped with the 18-inch gunmetal alloy wheels that set a nice contrast with this sporting red hot hatch.

Speaking of divas some might refer to as “hussies,” Dolly Parton has often said that “it takes a lot of money to look this cheap, and underneath the wig and the boobs lay a brain and a heart.” Since the MazdaSpeed3 is based on the more basic commuter many people use as their main transport when they “9 to 5,” how well does this far more powerful, glitzy, star-power-infused variant fare as a daily driver? Let’s find out if there’s substance underneath all the visual menace that the 2013 MazdaSpeed3 possesses.

The Looks
If you’re introverted, stick to a regular Mazda3, or at least don’t order your MazdaSpeed3 in red. We happened to like the latter’s muscular wheel arches, squat haunches, and front-end smile — two of which we also find appealing in men. After all, a nice smile goes a long way.

Adding to the sporty effect is the rather large air intake on the hood that looks like it was designed to inhale birds, kittens, and other sweet, furry creatures the car encounters as it roars down the road. Doesn’t matter if it’s a freeway, a city street, or just down your driveway, there’s no doubt that the 2013 MazdaSpeed3 does everything with a dose of rough and tumble seriousness. This is not a car to be ignored, as driving it is one of the most engaging things you can still do legally on regular roads. However, that isn’t to say this car won’t bite back if you treat it like some underpowered commuter with lazy, imprecise handling.

Living with the 2013 MazdaSpeed3 as Your Daily Driver
The 2013 MazdaSpeed3 is anything but imprecise. Its steering is so quick, it could cut you like a surgeon’s scalpel without you even noticing. Even though Mazda has done a lot to improve the way this hot hatch tends to steer itself as you shift from first to second at redline, this is not a maneuver you want to undertake without both hands firmly on the wheel. All the MazdaSpeed3 asks of you is that you pay attention to it while driving. Is that too much to ask?

You see, the 2013 MazdaSpeed3 comes with an epically potent, out of control 2.3 liter turbocharged, direct-injected 263 horsepower/280 ft-lbs of torque four-cylinder, all putting the power down via the front wheels. Thankfully Mazda included a torque-sensing conical limited-slip differential that help keeps the engine power from steering the car under most circumstances, but there are exceptions. Just listen to what your MazdaSpeed3 tells you to do, and we promise it won’t be the cause of your death. It just likes to have a good time.

The MazdaSpeed3 will never leave you hanging, thanks to a specially tuned sports suspension as well as uprated brakes made to withstand the extra abuse a car with this kind of power plant will suffer. Try as you might to drive the 2013 MazdaSpeed3 slowly and maturely, but that darn turbo is like a tiny devil on your shoulder screaming “floor it!” Bad devil. It also corners like it’s nailed to the pavement.

Tire roar is noticeably louder than in a regular Mazda3, but when cruising at freeway speeds, wind and engine noise are nicely muted. If you still want aural liberation from “car noises”, then you will be suitably impressed by the standard 10-speaker Bose audio system that helps drown out any unwanted sound. With the second row in place, the MazdaSpeed3 offers 17 cubic feet of cargo room, which grows to 42.8 when you fold the rear seats flat. That’s one handy red-hot-hatch rocket ship.

Safety, Fuel Economy, Value
EPA fuel economy estimates for the 2013 MazdaSpeed3 are 18 city/25 highway, and due to our love of the intoxicating turbo, we averaged 19.1 miles per gallon. We’re sure that with a lighter left foot you’ll get better fuel economy. As far as safety goes, the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety named the five-door MazdaSpeed3 a “Top Safety Pick”, which is just off the top score of “Top Safety Pick Plus” — though in fairness, the 2013 Honda Civic Si is the only car in the MazdaSpeed3′s class to earn the extra “Plus”.

Our 2013 MazdaSpeed3 started at a very reasonable $24,200 considering the features on hand like halogen headlamps, a 265-watt Bose 10-speaker audio system with AM/FM/CD/AUX/iPod integration, Bluetooth, dual zone automatic climate control, a limited slip differential, leather seats, and keyless entry.

A six-speed manual transmission is standard, and if you want an automatic transmission instead, you’re S.O.L. (Perhaps Monsieur or Madame would like to see a Volkswagen GTI?) Our tester also came equipped with a spurious $200 interior lighting kit, a homelink with rain-sensing technology package ($275), as well as the MazdaSpeed Tech Package, which adds $2,485 to the sticker resulting in an MSRP of $27,180. That last package includes a full color/full-sized in-dash navigation screen, replacing the old, difficult-to-read unit from the last model year. There’s also a blind-spot warning system, push button start, an alarm system, rain sensing wipers, automatic xenon headlamps, adaptive swiveling front lights, and LED tail lamps.

Conclusion
In a world where so many of us are stuck in the hum-drum monotony of living a Dolly Parton-style “9 to 5” existence, the 2013 MazdaSpeed3 is like a shot of adrenaline and a “cup of ambition”. Driving this car is a visceral experience you don’t often find nowadays, and it isn’t necessarily for everyone. It’s far too ferocious for that. Ask yourself, are you man or woman enough for the 2013 MazdaSpeed3?

What We Liked About the 2013 MazdaSpeed3

• The potent engine and involving driving experience makes for an exhilarating street-racer
• The new full-size navigation screen front and center on the dashboard
• The utility you get from any five door hatchback model, and did we mention the turbo?

What We’d Change About the 2013 MazdaSpeed3

• It could use a little bit more rear legroom as competitors offer more space
• Mazda should shoot for a “Top Safety Pick Plus” rating for the redesign of the MazdaSpeed3
• Less notchiness in the stick shift, if possible, as the regular 3 Skactiv’s unit is perfectly weighted

We didn’t go into Acura’s first-drive press event for its new, range-topping sedan now known as the RLX with astronomically high hopes, given the wallflower-like nature of its predecessor, the RL. The old RL was nice enough, but in no way was it revolutionary, sexy, or state of the art. And it certainly wasn’t going to blow the mind of its no doubt slightly bored driver, who probably wondered why he didn’t get a TL instead.

But after experiencing the game-changing wild child that is the 2014 Acura RLX, we think it’s time that Mercedes, Lexus, and even BMW take note of how markedly competitive this new car truly is. This is odd because a GS350, E350 or 5-Series are all rear-wheel-drive, and according to the auto journalism rulebook, RWDs are always superior to front-wheel models like the RLX.

Funny, if we weren’t mistaken we would say that Acura engineered the new RLX as a bitchslap to every repetitive traditionalist to show them front-wheel-drive can be fun too. Plus, if you live somewhere that has seasons and weather you would probably prefer a front driver — unless spinning around in circles after hitting black ice patches is your idea of a good time. Frankly, we’d rather go cow tipping,  and trust us when we say that is not on our bucket list, much less our lunch pail list.

Thankfully, we packed our superhero lunchboxes and headed off for drives on winding Napa Valley back roads, leading us finally to the Sonoma County Raceway, where we really got to put the RLX and back-to-back E350, GS350 and 535i models to test. Make no mistake, we know how great Acura models are and have been in the past, so why were we somewhat reticent to believe in an Acura flagship that appeals to driver pleasure centers as well as those seeking serene comfort? In this case we simply didn’t know how many engineering tricks Acura still has up its sleeve.

The answers to all of our doubts and questions, dear readers, were found behind the wheel of the new RLX, which proved once and for all that you don’t need to be a rear-wheel-drive luxury sedan to carve corners with the best of them. In fact, we think that the P-AWS four-wheel steering system (which stands for Precision All-Wheel Steer and is not a reference to kitty cat claws) will convince any luxury sport sedan shopper that the RLX handles like no vehicle they have driven before.

Now, without an engineering degree it might be a bit difficult to understand how Acura worked such miracles with its P-AWS system but as you would expect, it allows you to turn the rear wheels in the optimal direction during various driving scenarios. This optimization of the wheel toe-in or toe-out (i.e. when the wheel is pointed inward or outward) provides extremely predictable and stable cornering, even in bad weather. It may also lengthen the life of your tires — though that claim came from Acura, so don’t complain to us if your tires don’t last as long as you had hoped.

The point here, people, is that this P-AWS system makes understeer nearly undetectable and gave us a level of confidence on the rainy race track that may or may not have led to a rather long sideways power slide around one long sweeping turn. Not once did we fear losing control of the vehicle, although we do hope no one at Acura saw us do it.

Interior and Exterior Judgments

The 2014 Acura RLX is a naturally pretty and well-balanced design when viewed from the outside, with LED front headlamps giving the face a unique appearance akin to someone with the compound eyes of a spider. The traditional Acura grille holds together the handsome corporate face that not only faithfully screams “upscale” but is also capable of looking like a working professional’s car. As for that, the back seat offers best-in-class legroom so this car may be a hit for real estate agents who sell multi-million-dollar homes across the country. Truly, if you take five adults with you for any period of time, then the RLX is your finest choice.

Otherwise, the leather lined interior is quite simply one of Acura’s most stunning pieces of handiwork since the original NSX, what with its refined simplicity that the easy-to-figure-out RLX also manages in a smaller dose. Honestly, the RLX has way too many high tech features not to require some more buttons and at least a control knob when compared to the old NSX which (gasp!) didn’t even have a navigation system. Oh, how quickly automotive expectations change.

The RLX has an interior that is definitely pushing the boundaries. Audiophiles will be interested to know that the once-vaunted Acura/ELS audio system is no longer the top rated unit: this honor now goes to an awesome sounding Krell system available in upper-level trims. Your ears will never want to hear music anywhere else after experiencing this sound system, trust us. Most especially you won’t want to be hearing music at a Justin Bieber concert, since that act renders adult ears deaf from all of the pre-teen shrieking. And his singing.

Vs. the Competition

The 2014 Acura RLX is equipped with a new, direct-injected 3.5 liter 310 horsepower/272 ft-lbs of torque V6, which offers up instantaneous and very linear acceleration from a stop. At freeway speeds there’s always plenty of accelerative thrust left in reserve for passing or just reveling in the glorious crescendo this motor makes as it reaches redline. Noises are well muted, with only the slightest hint of tire roar heard in the cabin — ironic as the RLX comes with noise-cancelling wheels. (How noisy were they before?) Making up for this is the RLX’s solid EPA fuel economy ratings of 20 city/31 highway.

Admittedly, if you’re looking for an isolation chamber or a silent crypt-style driving experience, the RLX not be the best fit for you. This isn’t to say that the RLX doesn’t coddle, though: during our highway drive time, we tested Acura’s new collision mitigation braking system (CMBS) as well as the lane-keeping assist system (LKAS), which use cameras to monitor the traffic ahead as well as the lane markers, so that not only will the car come to a complete stop if the traffic ahead of you does, but it will also turn the wheel to keep you in your lane.

Yes, the car can practically drive itself in emergency situations. After you come to a complete stop, just push a button to return to your preset speed. No other automaker’s system is so complete in its ability to prevent you from having an accident, as was demonstrated to us on the Sonoma County Raceway, our final destination (thankfully, we don’t mean the movie). There, we compared the RLX’s safety tech with similar systems in the Lexus GS, which will happily return all control to the driver after braking the car to 35 miles per hour with little to no warning. Hey, at least you’ll only crash at 35 mph in their system, eh?

During laps on the very wet and slick rain-soaked Sonoma County Raceway, we were amazed at how well the RLX’s four-wheel steer system nearly eliminates any plowing or understeer in high-speed cornering and how in control we felt, even when we were driving at speeds that were a bit out of control. During comparison laps on a cone laden autocross course, we were amazed at how well the RLX kept up with the handling of a 535i and how horribly wooden the Mercedes E-Class felt as it skidded and smacked into cones on the way to a very disappointing finish.

So, were we suitably impressed with the RLX? Would we recommend it as heartily as the much-vaunted and nearly holy BMW 535i?

Prepare your hate letters now, but yes, we were impressed, even to the extent that we found the BMW’s amount of turbo-lag and easily confused transmission a bit of a turn off. In isolation we might not have noticed it, but powering through turns felt easier and safer on the slick tarmac in the RLX, as power was immediate and predictable, with none of the on/off nature of a turbo motor.

Trim levels and Pricing

The 2014 Acura RLX is a relative steal in this often-overpriced segment, with starting prices coming in at $48,450 for a solidly equipped example — though one that lacks both in-dash navigation ($50,950) and the essential Acura/ELS audio system ($54,450). These trim upgrades also include features like Milano leather trim, a blind spot warning system, and more, so double check Acura.com to see which model suits you most like, well, a finely tailored suit.

Beyond this, you can add the aforementioned Krell audio package (we would) for $56,950, with the top of the heap being an Advance Package-equipped model, which just happened to be the only available test cars at the initial drive event. The Advance Package model goes for $60,450 and includes the aforementioned collision mitigation braking system (CMBS) as well as the lane keeping assist system (LKAS) to ensure you stay safe in your heated/ventilated front seats.

Conclusion (Do You Want to Buy One?)

If we were in the market for a midsize luxury sport sedan, the new 2014 Acura RLX should be a sore temptation, due to its relative affordability, terrific handling, class leading technology, handsome styling, terrific interior ergonomics, and simply because you won’t see someone coming and going in your exact same car every other minute. Do you ever turn your head when you see a Mercedes E350? No.

With its relative rarity, the RLX will attract attention wherever you go, yet it will always manage to look discreet and classy enough for any situation or occasion. And on the driving front, we can guarantee that it will always excite you, but never leave you exhausted from the experience. Unlike that 22-year-old we hear you’re dating.

Over the past few weeks, we’ve published articles about the joys of driving naked and having sex behind the wheel. Just for balance, I’m going to talk about the dark side of having sex in cars. The ugly side. Or maybe it’s the funny side, I’m still not sure.

Thanks to the lousy employment market and the faltering economy here in Croatia, I don’t have a steady job or a place of my own. As a result, I don’t have much money, and I live with my parents. (Sadly, that’s pretty common in Europe at the moment.) I have a boyfriend — who doesn’t have a place of his own, either — so when we want to get busy, we go to the only private place we have: the car.

I can’t say I enjoy that too much, because the car isn’t very private, which means that I can’t properly relax, which means that our repertoire is kind of limited. (You know what I mean.)

Getting it on in cars isn’t new to me. Before I got involved with my boyfriend, I went out with another live-at-home guy who owned a BMW 3, which is a very cool car, but not so cool when you both get out of it in your underwear to relieve yourself after doing The Deed and the car locks itself. With your clothes inside. And your cellphones. Luckily, he was decent enough to walk to a nearby gas station and call a cab. Unluckily, it took him a full hour to return, which I spent freezing my ‘nads off while watching his cool car. I’ve hated BMWs ever since.

There was also that time that I went out with a guy, and we ran out of gas — not because he was ignoring the fuel gauge, but because we’d stopped to fool around, and he’d left the car running because it was freezing outside. We were very far away from the main road, and it would’ve taken ages for us to reach a gas station, so I called my best friend, explained the situation, and asked him to pick us up. Then had to listen to him lecture me for half an hour about how on Earth could I go on a sexdate in a car, and how disappointed he is in me, and blah, blah, blah.

Or the time that I started to work at a car dealership and finally got a company car: an Opel Zafira, black with yellow stickers, including the dealership’s logo. I met a guy in the club one night, we went for a drive, then parked in a very out-of-the-way place — which was, admittedly, known for being the kind of place folks went when they wanted some “alone time”.

Apparently, someone saw us — or at least our car — because the following Monday I got an email from my boss, saying that the company car was not to be used as a roving sex palace. (I paraphrase.) In retrospect, I probably should’ve covered up the logo. Thankfully, my boss was pretty nice about the whole situation. He said that he understood how things were for “us guys”, meaning “horny straight guys like him and me”. In other words, he thought I was sleeping with a girl. Ew.

Not so long ago, I got a call from my best friend — the same one who lectured me about sexdates — who told me that he had a major problem. He and his boyfriend had decided to take a little drive and spice up their sex life, so they pulled over in the middle of nowhere and subsequently managed to get stuck in a huge pile of mud mixed with melting snow.

I don’t even want to describe how I managed to get them out. Suffice to say that the car was covered with mud and so were we, and I’ve never gotten another lecture.

So, I suppose my four rules for having sex in the car would be:

• Have fuel in the tank
• Have a fully charged battery (on both your car and your cell phone)
• Have a tow rope handy
• Have some really good friends

And #5: if possible, have your own place, so sex in the car becomes a luxury, not a necessity. Unless that’s your thing, of course.

Jaguars are about sexy style, deep-cosseted cabins, and V-12 power. Well, maybe not so much for that last one. I love the hot XFR and its 510-horsepower supercharged V8, and old Jags with their V-12s are divine, but what is this roomy cat with a four-cylinder engine? I mean, fuel economy is great, but a four-cylinder Jag? It’s like 1/3 of a proper engine!

But check out the 2013 Jaguar XF. Its 2.0-liter turbo engine is distilled with full body and aroma to please, delivering 240 horsepower — all routed to the rear wheels through an eight-speed automatic transmission with sequential shift paddles. Torque is felt the very instant you twitch your right toe and helps propel the sleek sedan from 0-60 mph in 7.5 seconds. From behind the wheel, it feels even faster. That’s no comparison to the XFR’s 4.7s sprint, but the smaller engine also delivers 30 mpg on the highway.

As much as an engine, one expects full swaths of leather and wood in a Jaguar. Meeting expectations are Bond grain leather seats, satin rosewood veneer on the center console, suede headliner, and aluminum trim across the dash and doors. Buttered bovine inundates your nostrils. Dash- and door-tops are stitched leather that could have come from Uncle Bentley’s herd. The bluish-gray hide used for our car was deeper than a Venice canal. Heated and cooled seats, heated steering wheel, 10-speaker Meridian audio, power moonroof, and backing camera envelop passengers.

Beyond hedonistic luxury, there’s something both more elegant and personal about the XF’s interior, lending an air of sportiness not found in competitors. Instead of the hulking center control stack you’ll find in many modern cars, the XF’s panels are more horizontal than vertical, flowing into a high center console with deep cupholders. Major controls are touchscreen with button back-ups below; gears are selected with a big knurled chrome knob that rises from Rosewood when the starter button is pressed. It’s all so dramatic, all so aromatic, all so charming.

Exterior styling is not as distinctive as older Jags, looking too much like a Lexus, but it’s certainly not boring. I especially like the ample hood bulge, chrome mesh grille, wide shoulders, 18” alloys, and rear roof that flows into the high decklid. HID headlamps covered by a close-cropped hood look angry, which I suppose is the point. It’s a design that should age gracefully.

I was never a big Jaguar fan, although I appreciated their allure. This is my third test of an XF and the one I’d most like to own. The interior is exquisite, making you feel like spoiled royalty with acres of leather, wood, and all of the latest technology. Its proportions fit drivers perfectly. Although the motored-up gear knob and self-concealing air vents seemed silly, I grew to like their James Bond cache. And, the engine is the best of all worlds — plenty of low-down torque, spunky attitude at speed, and miserly fuel economy.

Don’t think of the Jaguar XF 2.0 as 1/3 proper, but rather a more affordable route to an intoxicating Jaguar –- all with a base price of $46,975.

Storm Forward!

2013 Jaguar XF 2.0
Five-passenger, RWD sedan
Powertrain: 240 hp 2.0-liter turbo I4, eight-speed automatic transmission
Suspension f/r: Ind/Ind
Wheels: 18”/18” alloy f/r
Brakes: disc/disc fr/rr with ABS
Must-have features: Style, performance
0-60 mph: 7.5 seconds
Top speed: (limited): 121 mph
Fuel economy (est.): 19/30 mpg city/hwy
Assembly: Castle Bromwich, U.K.
Base price: $46,975

Richard Herod is at it again.

Last fall, Richard received a notice from his townhome association in Woodbury, Minnesota, insisting that he remove the anti-marriage amendment sign from the yard in front of his house. (At the time, Minnesota was preparing to vote on that amendment; if passed, it would’ve enshrined homophobia in the state constitution by denying gay and lesbian couples the right to marry.)

As a clever way to circumvent the association’s rulebook, Herod used his decaling knowledge to create a vehicle wrap with the same message as the yard sign. After he posted a photo of his Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution X on Facebook, 300 vehicle owners across Minnesota asked him to help trick out their own rides with marriage equality decals. Their visibility played a role in defeating the hateful marriage amendment at the ballot box.

This winter, the Minnesota legislature introduced a bill to change the language of the law defining marriage to be more inclusive. The political group known as Minnesotans for All Families, along with state and national LGBT advocacy organizations, got onboard to lobby for the passage of the bill through both houses. Democratic governor Mark Dayton strongly supports the bill, and it appears that he may have just enough support to pass it, since the DFL (the Democratic Party in Minnesota) controls both houses of the legislature.

Interestingly enough, the Republican caucus have responded to the marriage equality bill with one of their own — one that legalizes civil unions as a marriage alternative. This complicates things somewhat, as it appears that the state wants to recognize same-gender couples, but how far should they go? There are still people in Minnesota who would rather not see any recognition of legal status for lesbian and gay couples.

And in recent days, the situation has become even more complicated: in addition to the marriage equality bill and the one proposing civil unions for same-sex couples, there’s now a third bill which proposes civil unions for all couples, gay and straight. That would give same-sex couples the same legal rights as their straight counterparts (at the state level, anyway), leaving “marriage” to religious institutions.

With lobbying efforts ratcheting up, Herod has begun wrapping vehicles with a new message — this time, in support of the initial marriage equality bill. If you’re interested in having your vehicle wrapped, send an email to kickboxer1977@aol.com for full details.

It’s easy to conduct a symphony of driving delight with a swift two-seat sports car. You’re tucked inside, peering over flared fenders, goading the vehicle forward with perfectly timed movements, and listening to the tires as they sing along the road.

The Nissan 370Z is one of the best for the task, but what if you want to take a couple of friends, some camping gear, your boyfriend’s over-indulged luggage, or pick up decorations for your damn-fabulous domain? In that case, you’ll want to strum the Infiniti FX37.

The FX is not exactly as it appears. At first glance, you see a sporty four-door crossover with a suggestive hood, 18” alloys, chrome fender gills, a sloping rear, and twin chrome exhaust outlets. The view over the curvy hood echoes that of a Corvette. It’s sexy, very masculine, just begging to be played hard. Yet, underneath, it’s essentially the same chassis and powertrain as the Infiniti G37 and Nissan 370Z.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with that. Packed under the hood is a 3.7-liter V6 that generates 325 horsepower and 16/22 mpg city/hwy. Power gets to the road through a seven-speed automatic transmission and all-wheel-drive system with snow mode. If that doesn’t tickle your tubular bells, step up to the FX50 with its 390 horsepower 5.0-liter V8.

In a lightweight sports car, the V6’s output would be breathtaking. However, the FX is not a lithe and limber 370Z. Step hard on the throttle and the engine struggles to overcome the car’s 4,321 pounds. With momentum gained, the powertrain stretches with vigor, but it’s obvious that the FX37 is less of an athlete and more of a well-dressed gentleman who spends a little time at the gym to stay toned.

The cabin is that gentleman’s den: it’s luxurious, yes, but it’s also just a nice place for him to park his bum while enjoying the beauty of scenic backroads. Guitar manufacturer Gibson could have chosen the woodgrain for the center console and doors — it’s beautiful. Bentley may have selected the seat hides, which smell like buttered bovine and have the quality of an expensive club chair. Bose 11-speaker audio, Bluetooth, navigation, USB input for MP3 players, heated seats, and a moonroof keep our man of mystery grinning.

They say nothing succeeds like excess, and the FX37′s many, many safety systems prove it. Our car came with Intelligent Cruise Control (adjusts speed to maintain a safe distance), Lane Departure Warning and Prevention (beeps, then intervenes to keep you from crossing lane markers), and Intelligent Brake Assist with Forward Collision Warning (beeps and applies brakes if you don’t slow down). While nice, the systems are admittedly over-sensitive — to the point that I began ignoring them or trying to de-activate them. Which kinda defeats their purpose, no?

As a big sports car, the FX35 is a compromise — neither small enough to be truly sporty nor large enough to be truly useful. While gear fits easily through the power-operated hatch, I can tell you a coral-barked Japanese maple will not fit: my partner had to hold that one in his lap all the way home.

But no matter, the FX37 is sexy as a saxophone and will help you — and up to three others — make beautiful music together, all for $45,750, or $57,250 as tested.

Storm forward!

2013 Infiniti FX37
Five-passenger, AWD crossover
Powertrain: 325 hp 3.7-liter V6, seven-speed automatic transmission
Suspension f/r: Ind/Ind
Wheels: 18”/18” alloy f/r
Brakes: disc/disc fr/rr with ABS
Must-have features: Style, performance
Curb weight: 4321 pounds
Fuel economy: 16/22 mpg city/hwy
Assembly: Tochigi, Japan
Base/as-tested price: $45,750/57,250

The last time I drove the Buick Regal GS Sport Sedan, I found it to be the most engaging Buick since the Grand National, although thoroughly different in character. Recently I spent a week behind the wheel of  a 2013 model with the six-speed manual transmission and came to a slightly different revelation. It’s not the return of the Grand National,  it’s the Son of Saab.

Which, as a past Saab owner, is not the least bit disparaging, but simply an observation. A front-drive, four-cylinder, turbocharged compact sport sedan with tons of power, stick-like-glue handling, and highly supportive seats? If it had a floor mounted ignition and Night Panel it would be a 9-3 Aero.

When I went to the press launch for the Regal back in 2010 and drove both the 2.4 conventionally aspirated 182 hp and the 2.0 turbocharged 220 hp versions, I described the Epsilon-based mid sized sedans as “well-tailored and well-mannered” and thought they were an excellent addition to the Buick lineup. I found the 2.4 to be a bit sluggish and the 2.0 turbo to have a very pleasing power band, but didn’t think of either as a performance sedan.

The GS version is highly modified from the base model. The 2.0-liter turbo in the GS is the High Output Ecotec 2.0L Turbo with Direct Injection and Variable Valve Timing. It’s rated at 270 hp and 295 ft-lbs of torque. On paper, it exceeds the ’87 Grand National’s 245 rated hp and falls just short of the  GNX’s 274, but since both those engines were underrated, its probably about on a par with the intercooled Grand National. It’s offered with a six-speed manual or six-speed automatic transmission.

It’s dressed up considerably from the base version, too. It has a deep skirted front fascia flanked by bi-xenon high-intensity headlamps and a unique rear one with dual exhaust ports. There are special rocker panels. a rear spoiler, and 19″ twin spoke alloy wheels with Pirelli tires and optional highly polished 20s. Peek through the spokes and note the big Brembo calipers. Pirellis and Brembos — not a combination normally associated with Buick.The inside is toned up as well. The interior is offered in ebony leather only, with special touches such as a leather wrapped F1-style steering wheel, piano black dash trim. and leather-trimmed sport seats, with pretty wicked bolsters. A special GS Interactive Drive Control system offers standard, Sport and GS settings for the suspension. GM’s Intellilink is standard, along with a killer 336-watt Harmon Kardon Audio system with 9 speakers and XM Satellite radio.

Options are few, and colors are sadly limited. A total of five colors are available: Quicksilver and Smoky Gray are standard, White Diamond, Carbon Black Metallic, and Crystal Red Tintcoat are optional. So out of five colors, three are gray, and three are extra cost. I wake up screaming. (Memo to Buick: The Audi A4 has ten. Love, Jeff) The rest of the option list is equally shortL 20″ polished wheels and performance tires, power sliding sunroof, GPS Navigation.

My test car was finished in the Crystal Red Tintcoat and featured the meaty 20″ wheel package. I found it to be quite a handsome and purposeful looking car, and others seemed to agree. I discovered neighbors in the driveway admiring it, and found it to be a topic of conversation from the couple at the table next to mine when I parked it at an outdoor cafe. All good signs as far as I am concerned.

But enough looking, time to see what happens when the rubber meets the road. Touch the starter button and the 2.0 turbo comes to life. It’s smooth — Buick V8 smooth — and the exhaust note is quiet. Shift into first and the car feels powerful, but doesn’t play all of its cards. In fact, you could drive the GS in drive and your impression would be of a smooth, well balanced sport sedan with a poised ride, spectacular handling, and crazy good brakes.

The engine has an excellent torque band, but the automatic felt like it was always one gear too high. The six-speed manual, however, is ideally suited to the car. The shifter is quick and precise — you’d swear that Audi did it — and it’s a pleasure to run through the gears. It’s much more Sweden than Skylark.One thing that still annoys me, though, are the suspension settings. There are three modes: Standard, Sport and GS. There’s a discernible difference between Standard and GS, but the Sport is just kind of there. And annoyingly, the car doesn’t recall the setting past the next off cycle, so it’s touch the button every single time you start the car.I found it happiest in GS suspension mode.  Steering and ride are both tightened, and the turbo soars up to redline without the slightest hesitation. The car is now crazy fun and sticks like glue to the tarmac. The Brembo brakes are killer and bring the GS out of harm’s way in no time flat.

Last year I said  that the Regal GS is the most fun I’ve had behind the wheel of a Buick since the Grand National. And the six-speed only reinforces my conclusion. And while I still want to see Buick go all black and give us Darth Buick with 300 hp, maybe they should call it Viggen instead of Grand National.

Now, about putting the ignition on the floor…

You’ll find more pics of the Buick Regal GS on Jeff’s Flickr page.

BMW’s new X1 crossover wagon is supposedly the entry-level Ultimate Driving Machine for the upward-striding NQR40s (that’s Not Quite Rich, Under 40). The car starts at $30,650 without destination, but when our tester arrived, it stickered at $44,245! Hardly cheap. But, I’ll show you how to get a great little Bimmer much closer to the magic $30k threshold and put some cash back into your skinny jeans fund.

The BMW X1 has plenty of handsome style, and it got loads of attention in all parts of town. I was actually surprised it garnered so many second looks because to the untrained eye it seems like an X3 that was sat on by an X5. Our car’s M Sport Line package included 18” alloys and aggressive ground affects. Quad headlamps, a tall kidney grille, and a “Hofmeister kink” in the windowline made it très, très BMW.

On first glance, it’s hard to complain about the interior, either. But tap fingernails to surfaces and you quickly discover where BMW cut costs on this wee wagon. The doors and dashtops are plushly padded, but almost everything else is hard, hollow plastic. Close the glovebox and you’ll look for a Tupperware emblem. Over bumpy roads, all of that hard stuff rubs together like Mickey and Minnie doing the dirty — way too much squeaking.

The heated leather seats are divine: luscious BMW softness with thick bolsters and extendable lower cushions. I’d dish out more for those. All of the expected technology — iDrive, navigation, CD audio, satellite radio, auto wipers, Bluetooth, USB, and Panoramic moonroof — is delightful. Open the hatch and throw down the seats. There’s plenty of room for all you do.

Under the hood, the base 240 horsepower 2.0-liter turbo engine shows spirit. Enthusiasts could step up to the 300 hp six-cylinder, but that costs unnecessary money. Both engines connect to paddle-shifted eight-speed automatic transmissions. Activate the engine’s start/stop function and you’ll see 24/34 mpg city/hwy. Given its performance, the X1 is cheap to feed.

Regardless of price, the X1 drives like a BMW. A blindfolded Amish farmer would know he’s in one. Chassis motions are firm yet damped, the Servotronic steering matches effort to speed, and the four-wheel discs grip like RuPaul’s weave. sDrive means no AWD, but you don’t really need it. The resulting lightness from not hauling the extra hardware makes for a better driving experience anyway.

So, how can you lower the X1′s pricetag? I’d start by killing the $2,500 Technology Package (everything comes in a package) that includes navigation, voice-commands, and traffic updates. Buy a Garmin.

Next, goes the $3,950 (!) Premium Package with universal garage-door opener, keyless entry, auto-dimming mirrors, power seats, and panoramic moonroof. (I’ll miss that one, but for $3,950? Buh-bye.) Bid farewell to the $1,200 lighting package with Xenon headlamps and ambience illumination, too. Same goes for the $950 Driver Assistance Package and its rear-view camera and parking beepers. I like the M Sportline package, but for $3,000, auf wiedersehen!

I’ll keep the heated seats ($500) and Servoronic steering ($250). They’re not luxuries. All told, that brings the price to $32,645 – not bad for a sweet driver’s car that leaves a plump piggy bank. Work on the plastic and nobody will call it cheap.

Storm forward!

2013 BMW X1 sDrive28i
Five-passenger, RWD wagon
Powertrain: 240hp 2.0-liter Turbo I4, 8-spd automatic transmission
Suspension f/r: Ind/Ind
Wheels: 18”/18” alloy f/r
Brakes: disc/disc fr/rr with ABS
Must-have features: Utility, performance
Fuel economy: 24/34 mpg city/hwy
Assembly: Leipzig, Germany
Base/as-tested price: $30,650/44,245

Last month, we published a few common-sense tips for people who like to drive naked.

To me, that was almost a throwaway piece. I mean, let’s face it: driving naked isn’t skydiving. It doesn’t require much preparation or research. But the next thing we knew, the story had been picked up and passed around like a well-endowed, badonka-donked hustler on Santa Monica Boulevard.

Apparently, you people enjoy more than reviews of the Madza Miata.

And so, we thought we’d continue the conversation with a follow-up piece about — what else? — having sex while driving. But first, we asked ourselves: do people really do such things? Thankfully, one company has already done research in that area, and not surprisingly, it’s a company that makes Bluetooth devices, which free up drivers’ hands for all kinds of activities.

Jabra is a Nashua, New Hampshire-based tech firm that manufactures gadgets for use at home, at work, and all points in-between. According to the company’s website, Jabra commissioned a survey to determine just how many motorists have engaged in sex while driving. Of the 1,800 drivers in the United States, U.K., France, Germany, Russia, and Japan who responded, 15% admitted to having sex while operating a moving vehicle. That’s pretty impressive — on par with the number of folks who say they apply makeup or check emails behind the wheel.*

That led me to wonder: how, exactly, does this 15% get busy behind the wheel? And so, in the interest of journalism, I’ve done some research on the matter. By which I mean I asked Mr. Google and took notes on what turned up. Based on those queries, here are a few helpful hints for those who like having sex in cars — not to be confused with those who like having sex with cars, which is a very different thing:

1. Size matters. In the videos I watched as a part of my research, the couples (all male/female in the test sample) had one person mounted firmly on the driver, meaning that both were sitting squarely in the driver’s seat. The lesson for gays and lesbians is that if you want to have sex while driving and not restrict your field of vision, you’ll probably need to find a willing babydyke or twink. If you’re a potential contestant in a Beards, Butts and Bellies contest (full disclosure: I was first runner-up in Oklahoma City 2004), you’ll need to do the driving (ahem), or stick to other endeavors. Be creative.

2. Size matters, again. All the videos I observed involved SUVs, which seemed to work well for the task. If you own a practical car like a Honda Civic or Lexus CT 200, spring for a motel room and bring the GoPro inside — assuming you’re filming your exploits, that is. And of course you are.

3. Take the (s)low road. As titillating as it may seem to speed down the highway while enjoying some front-seat fornication, remember: you’re operating a vehicle that weighs several thousand pounds. At 70 mph, you have less time to respond to a sudden situation, and accidents will be significantly more damaging than those occurring at slower speeds. Plus, chances are, someone’s not going to be wearing a safety belt.

On the other hand, cruising down city streets, braking for stop signs and red lights, will put added stress on your lower body and interfere with your sexual rhythm. No matter which road you choose, know that sex while driving is also a workout and a test of stamina. So, just like any other physical activity…

4. Warm up first. For your own sake and the sake of those around you, please don’t attempt to have sex while driving unless you’re in reasonably good shape. The motion of the car will test the reflexes of your muscles — all of them. Getting banged or blown (or doing the banging or blowing) will test your ability to keep the car on the road. Don’t tempt fate. Warm up first, take a bottle of water and a towel, and should you experience any pain, stop. See a doctor if symptoms continue. If all else fails, there’s always amomaxia. And dogging.

5. Don’t be surprised if other drivers notice what you’re doing — and want to watch. Case in point: last fall, Suzanne Welker and Ernest Felix Gonzales of Nassau, Florida, were cruising along I-95 in an SUV (see item #2 above), when Welker decided to give Gonzales — who was driving — a hummer. (Note: not the kind that was discontinued by General Motors.)

Along came a family who noticed Welker and Gonzales and knew exactly what they were up to. But rather than panic and get offended, they decided to watch. A few moments later, the family drove off.

But things didn’t end there: Gonzales and Welker followed the family. First, Gonzales tried to run the other car off the road, then both parties pulled in to a restaurant parking lot, where things got mighty real when Welker confronted the family with a semi-automatic handgun. The spirited wannabe porn stars apparently thought the family — the youngest member being all of three years old — had been snapping photos of the couple’s highway hijinks.

According to witnesses, Welker made threats but sped off with Gonzales once the cops had been called. The license plate was traced and both Gonzales and Welker were arrested for indecent exposure and aggravated assault. The moral of the story? Sex while driving is a public act, subject to all laws that may pertain to public indecency.

But perhaps the cruelest cut of all is the possibility that the family who stumbled upon the Welker-Gonzales free show drove off simply because they didn’t find it all that impressive. There’s nothing like a sting of a bad review.

*Thanks to Matt Hardigree at Jalopnik for bringing this very important research to our attention.

Jeffrey Villacampa is a 20-year veteran of the auto industry. He is also gay. The Manhattan resident has worked for numerous employers over the past two decades, none of whom has had a problem with his sexual orientation.

Two of his former bosses also knew about his HIV-positive status, which he discovered five years ago. Villacampa says that it wasn’t an issue to either of them.

But in November of 2012, things took a turn for the worse. That’s when Villacampa went to work as a finance manager at Bayside Volkswagen in Queens, New York. In February 2013, Villacampa witnessed ”an outrageously offensive conversation” taking place between managers at the dealership. He complained to Bayside’s GM, Suzanne Cochrane, but she did nothing, telling Villacampa that words like “faggot” aren’t offensive.

Last month, Villacampa had another run-in with a different co-worker, Angelo Alexiadis. Alexiadis told Villacampa that his brother was both gay and HIV-positive and that he’d been forbidden to enter Alexiadis’ house. Villacampa tried to explain that Alexiadis’ brother was no threat and urged him to re-consider the way he treated his sibling.

Alexiadis then asked Villacampa if he was HIV-positive himself. Villacampa revealed that he was.

Two days later, Villacampa was fired for alleged “problems” with his work.

Now, Villacampa has filed a $4 million lawsuit with the Supreme Court of the State of New York County, alleging that Bayside Volkswagen discriminated against him on the basis of sexual orientation. It appears that Villacampa has also filed charges against three of his former c0-workers for sexual orientation discrimination and retaliation.

It’s not clear whether Villacampa is also suing for discrimination on the basis of his HIV status. If he is, however, he may have strong legal footing: the Americans with Disabilities Act was amended in 2008, making HIV an officially recognized disability.

You can read details about the case — at least Villacampa’s side, since the dealership has refused to answer questions — at ABC News.

We’ll keep you posted as the story develops. And if Villacampa’s reports are accurate, here’s hoping that he takes them for every penny they’ve got.

I could recount all of the awards the Ram 1500 has hauled home – Motor Trend Truck of the Year, Texas Auto Writers Association’s Truck of Texas, etc., etc. – and you may or may not care. But what might color your opinion is all of the sexy tech this big boy brings to bear.

Ram is not the best-selling full-size truck, but it may currently be the most advanced. At its heart is a 3.6-liter V6 engine that kicks out 305 horsepower and 269 ft-lbs of torque. Not impressed? It connects to an eight-speed TorqueFlite automatic transmission and delivers up to 25 mpg hwy. Of course, Ram lovers can step up to the 395 horsepower 5.7-liter HEMI V8 should the V6 not satisfy their urges.

That’s impressive, but still isn’t the entire tech story. The engine enlists variable displacement to shut down three cylinders at cruise while grille shutters divert airflow when not needed for cooling the engine – just as in a hybrid or high-mpg compacts like the Chevy Cruze Eco or Ford Focus SFE. Ram’s adjustable air suspension squats down to enhance aerodynamics on the highway. A lot of little things add up to big bennies.

But, don’t think the Ram has gone all citified to enhance its green cred. Its off-road prowess would send a mountain goat clomping back into the brush. As in a Range Rover, the air suspension system can jack up the truck two inches from normal ride height for serious off-roading. The system also detects loads on the suspension, from either the bed or trailer, and raises the rear to stay level. Shift-on-the-fly 4×4 with low range means that the Ram loves snow drifts and steep, muddy hills. Tow hooks, a transfer case skid plate, and front suspension skid plates make it clear this is no Fiat.

Take a close look at the truck’s key fob and you’ll see an extra button that lowers the truck two inches for entry. Once inside, caress a cabin fit for a prince. Up front, a locker-sized center console, ginormous cupholders, and door cubbies store almost anything. A household-type 110-volt outlet is perfect for charging iPads or shaving your mug en-commute. Climate control, a 506-watt Alpine audio, and navigation are all accessed through the world’s easiest-to-use touchscreen. As in a Jag or Rover, you put the big Ram in gear with a stylish chrome knob.

All of this comes with bold Freightliner style. Edges are smoother, and the hood slips more easily through the wind, but you’ll mistake it for nothing else. If all that flamboyant style has you jonesing for a diesel, hang on – Ram will offer a version of the Grand Cherokee’s engine in 2014. Fuel economy will likely improve.

If the marriage of Chrysler and Fiat continues to deliver vehicles like the Ram with American muscle and Italian finesse, many good years lie ahead. The Ram 1500 can still do all of the things a tough truck should. In fact, it does them better – and with a brighter shade of green.

Price as-tested came to $45,445, making Ram horned competition for the Chevy Silverado, GMC Sierra, Ford F-150, Nissan Titan, and Toyota Tundra.

Storm forward!

2013 Ram 1500
Five-passenger, 4×4 Pickup
Powertrain: 305hp 3.6-liter V6, 8-spd. auto transmission
Suspension f/r: Adj. Ind/Solid axle
Wheels: 17”/17” alloy f/r
Brakes: disc/disc fr/rr with ABS
Must-have features: Ride/mpgs
Fuel economy: 16/23 mpg city/hwy
Assembly: Warren, MI
Base/as-tested price: $22,640/45,445

What’s gotten into Lexus lately?

Don’t get us wrong: we like the fresh — dare we say, sporting — aura around many of its latest models. The company should be applauded for avoiding the sort of mistakes made by a semi-renamed and severely misguided American luxury brand, which first designed a full size luxury sedan with no rear legroom, then built what might possibly be the ugliest luxury SUV ever created, and finally tried to buy some hipster cachet with baby boomers by hiring David Bowie as its spokesman. (Though in fairness, he was probably the only celebrity capable of sitting in the back of that sedan other than Linda Hunt or that Lucky Charms leprechaun.)

But back to Lexus. The automaker began its transformation from wallflower to warrior with the introduction of the brilliantly insane Lexus LF-A , a technological marvel that seems a bargain even with a price tag over $300,000 (if you’re lucky enough to be offered the chance to buy one). Regular folks with above-average incomes can enjoy the brand’s not-so-cheap thrills too, thanks to the road-gripping Lexus GS and surprisingly stylish ES. Even the upcoming Lexus IS sedan looks to be a game changer in the entry-level luxury market.

In the process of morphing from zero to hero, Lexus has changed its face — literally. Is it just us, or does the company’s new grille look weirdly like the wide-mouthed, fang-ridden jowl of the monster from the Arnold Schwarzenegger film Predator? No? Well, at the very least, it’s aggressive and angry-looking, which has helped the Lexus pack on just enough tough guy swagger to distance itself from genteel competitors like Mercedes and BMW.

Now, Lexus has taken its cool factor a step farther with the impressive new F-Sport line options, which are available on everything from the LS, GS, and even the hybrid CT. Not only does the F-Sport line give these models more aggressive blacked out wheels, sportier exterior, and interior treatments, but it also affords each a number of suspension upgrades meant to improve handling.

It’s fairly easy to make a sedan handle and steer with greater precision — in part, because the car’s center of gravity is already so low. But what if Lexus tried to do the same thing to an everyday, elevated crossover, like the 2013 Lexus RX350? (Spoiler alert: it has.)

Our test 2013 Lexus RX350 F-Sport Line felt nimble in tight corners that would’ve had most other luxury SUVs howling and threating to tip over. The steering rack felt taut and communicative with no sense that it had just been attacked by a psychotic dentist with a huge needle of Novocain. In fact, it felt rather firm, yet at parking lot speeds it lightened up nicely for easy maneuvering. The upsized 19-inch wheels on the F-Sport model didn’t do anything to damage the RX’s traditionally smooth ride, either.

Our tester came with full time all-wheel drive (which helped give it that “secure handling” feel), a gorgeous Deep Blue Mica exterior color, the aforementioned 19 inch smoked alloy wheels, a very athletic-feeling 270 horsepower 3.5 liter V6, eight-speed automatic, a black leather interior of the highest quality, dual zone climate control, heated/cooled front seats, a moonroof, navigation, back-up camera, Bluetooth, a choice of wood of aluminum trim, and a 12-speaker premium audio system with HD radio, most of which came as part of the F-Sport Package. Navigation was extra, though, bringing the $47,000 base price up to $50,334.

Now, you may think an SUV that costs this much must have all the utility of a Victoria Beckham Range Rover Evoque Special Edition with Pink Diamond inlayed wheels — but you’d be wrong. This Lexus offers 40 cubic feet of space with the rear seats in place, doubling to 80 cubic feet when you fold the seats down. With that much room, you’ll be able to take your two 80-pound rescue dogs to the park and still have room for a Home Depot stop on the way home. (Just don’t leave the hounds in the car, please.) Later that night, this SUV will impress even the most judgmental queens in West Hollywood should by some miracle you find a parking spot within a five mile radius of The Abbey.

If you’re looking for a Lexus that can both rock and roll, the 2013 Lexus RX350 F-Sport line should be on your short list.

Since first visiting my college buddy in Savannah, Georgia early last year, I’ve made two more trips to what is arguably the most beautiful city in the South. I was there this March for the traditional greening of the fountain in Forsyth Park, saw Lady Chablis perform at Club One, drank coffee at Gallery, and ate my favorite shrimp n’ grits at Pirates House. It’s divine.

While I was there last year, I watched Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. If you’ve seen the movie, you know it centers on Jim Williams, who in real life was a gay art dealer who shot his whoring house boy in his home office, spent years on trial, beat the rap, and fell dead of a heart attack in the same room.

The story is true to the Savannah tradition of an elegant facade hiding closets full of crazy. Drag queens, imaginary dogs, voodoo, house squatting, and exquisite artwork are all in there. It’s unbelievable, but remarkably true. I had to see Mercer House, the home in which Williams lived.

So, as we were touring, my friend turned to me and said, “My co-worker owned Jim Williams’ Jaguar, the same car used in the movie.”

I thought, “Why didn’t you reveal this little bit of information earlier?” Two days later, I was on the phone with Charles “Chazz” Michaels learning about the car he once owned.

The green 1983 XJ-S with a V-12 engine is exactly the kind of car you’d expect an art dealer from Savannah to own. If you live there, it’s best to have a Jag.

“It was cool to own it, but it became a money pit,” said Michaels. “I bought it directly from Jim Williams’ sister in August 2007. She had it on eBay for a fantastic price — about $20,000. The car never sold. I sent an e-mail to her trustee and was told to come look at the car. We worked out a deal, and I paid about $10,000.”

Chazz mostly drove the car back and forth to work, but never took it anywhere far because of dodgy reliability. Like all classic Jaguars, the car had its issues — despite having just 53,000 miles on the odometer.

“I had to change about every single hose,” said Michaels. “It had a very strange master brake cylinder that kept setting off a warning light. The car had thin wiring; Lucas electrics were not the best. I had the car towed after it vapor locked in hot weather on a 90-degree day — typical Savannah weather. Paint was starting to bubble. The interior was pretty good, but the seat stitching was coming apart in places.”

Chazz owned the car for a little over a year, adding about 5,000 miles.

“I sold it on Cars.com to a fellow in Denver, Colorado. He didn’t know the whole story, but was interested because he liked Jaguars. I sold it for $10,000 — the same price I paid a year earlier.”

It’s probably a good thing I didn’t know about this car before now, because I’d probably own a Jaguar I don’t need. Midnight has become my favorite movie, and nothing would have made my collection more complete than the starring ride. Instead, I’ll just have to appreciate Chazz sharing his time with the car.

Storm forward!

Lots of blogs cover LGBT issues, including this one. But since our staff is small and our focus is narrow — limited to cars, travel, insurance, and such — we usually let other sites report on general news affecting our community.

Not today.

This was huge week for LGBT Americans because, as you undoubtedly know, the U.S. Supreme Court heard two cases involving our fundamental rights: our ability to marry our loved ones.

The oral arguments around both Proposition 8 and DOMA began with lots of dull, technical, legalese — questions about standing to sue and such. When things got down to brass tacks, though, most of the bigots on the court made their voices heard, led by blowhard/class clown/professional pot-stirrer Antonin Scalia. (As usual, ultra-conservative Clarence Thomas kept his mouth shut, but it’s pretty clear where he stands — even though his own marriage was made possible by a similar lawsuit in 1967.)

But none of those arguments seemed to have any real resonance, and none were made with conviction. There’s no video of the proceedings, but it sounded almost as if Scalia & Co. were wincing with every bitter word falling out of their mouths.

To me*, the brightest, most rational voices of the day came from the liberal wing of the court, who seemed predisposed to take our side. Justices Sonia Sotomayor, Elena Kagan, and Ruth Bader Ginsburg were especially articulate.

One of my favorite moments came on Tuesday, during the arguments around Prop 8. Here’s a clip of defense attorney Charles Cooper attempting to justify Prop 8 to Justices Sotomayor, Anthony Kennedy, Kagan, and apparently, himself. At the end of the excerpt, tone-deaf Scalia tries to get a rise out of the liberal justices (and every woman on Planet Earth) by making a wisecrack about Strom Thurmond, but the only person who chuckles much is Scalia himself. Kagan gets far more laughs a few minutes earlier when she ridicules Cooper’s “marriage is about fertility” argument.

Though the judges won’t announce their decisions until June, folks on both the left and the right seem to think LGBT Americans have already won. That feeling is summarized on this week’s twin covers for Time Magazine, which feature two couples — one male, one female — kissing behind the headline, “Gay Marriage Already Won: The Supreme Court hasn’t made up its mind, but America has.”

No matter which way the court goes, its decision will have an impact on your ability to share property, insurance, and the like — car-related things. We’ll get to all that when the time comes, but for now, we’re just hopeful. You should be, too.

*NOTE: (a) I’m not a lawyer, and (b) as a gay man with a marriage license that’s not recognized in my home state, I have strong feelings about these two cases. Those facts might predispose my assessments. In fact, let’s assume they do.

In my youth, the movie Jurassic Park was everything to me. So, you’d think I’d relish the opportunity to be whisked over Austin, Texas in a helicopter, Jurassic Park-style. John Williams’ sweeping soundtrack from that 1993 blockbuster would dance in my head as we’d glide over the city, all smiles and wonder.

But no, I was scared shitless. My mother’s voice ping-ponged in the back of my mind, “You’re actually going to ride on one of those death traps?!” Lexus, no doubt, thought it would be totally baller to send us to the Austin race track where we would drive the new 2014 Lexus IS “in a copter DUDE!”, but as I ran to the waiting conveyance, with my head ducked low so as not to get decapitated, I felt far more like the cowardly Donald Gennaro (the one who gets eaten by a T-Rex while sitting on a toilet) than the brave Dr. Alan Grant.

Basically, helicopters are terrible to me because, like, Kim Zolciak, they feel like they’re always out of control. Constant bucking, deafening racket? Yup, that’s just normal behavior for a helicopter. (Or Kim, for that matter.) Freaky.

Well, I made it through those harrowing ten minutes, walked out of the cockpit like the badass I always pretend to be, and headed straight for the nearest chair for a good long sit. My head still spinning, I needed a cure for that out-of-control feeling the helicopter had saddled me with just a few minutes prior.

I soon found that cure in driver’s seat of the all-new 2014 Lexus IS. A row of them were parked in front of the track, their new grilles glinting and gleaming in the Texas sun. They looked hungry.

How it drives
“You bred raptors?!”

Yes my friends, Lexus has bred a raptor. In fact, Lexus went about building its raptor much the same way the folks at Jurassic Park crafted theirs: by attempting to clone the original. That original, of course, is the BMW 3-Series, the compact sports sedan against which all others are measured.

The 2014 IS will come in a bunch of different configurations, all of them offering a different driving experience. Let’s break it down:

IS250/IS250 AWD: The base engine in the IS line, all IS250 models are equipped with a 2.5-liter V6 producing 204 hp and 184 ft-lbs of torque. Power is adequate enough to make the IS250 feel somewhat sporty, especially if you put the car in Sport mode, which keeps revs high in order to deliver maximum funness. Zero-to-60 comes in 7.9 seconds.

Oddly, other companies like BMW and Audi are offering smaller displacement four-cylinder engines in this price range that offer more torque and better fuel economy than the base V6 in the IS. Still, this base engine does a commendable job of moving the IS250 in a reasonably quick manner and will be the choice for the majority of IS buyers.

IS350/IS350 AWD: All IS350s come with a 3.5-liter V6 churning out 306 hp and 277 ft-lbs of torque. This is clearly the enthusiast’s choice. The 3.5-liter delivers strong performance with a 0-60 time around 5.6 seconds. Of course, all that fun takes a toll on fuel economy, with the IS350 registering 22 mpg combined for the 2WD version, and 21 mpg combined for the AWD version. Again though, the 3.0T in the Audi S4 delivers comparable fuel economy while delivering higher hp and torque. Ditto the BMW 335i’s twin-turbo inline-six. Contrary to popular belief, the Japanese don’t always deliver the most efficient engines.

IS250/IS350 F-Sport (Both available with AWD): The F-Sport package, available on both IS250 and IS350 trim lines (with their respective engines), is much more comprehensive than just a few sporty looking accessories. F-Sport models arrive with more dynamically tuned front and rear suspension springs and shock absorbers, giving them a markedly more athletic demeanor. Of course there are some styling benefits to be had with F-Sport models as well, the most obvious being the F-Sport’s more dramatic front grille with extra cooling holes that give the front end a dynamic look. F-Sport models also get LED headlights as standard.

In case you weren’t keeping count, that’s a grand total of eight different choices for your IS — and that’s before you even get to colors or options. Blimey.

No matter which IS model you choose, you’ll be greeted with a very athletic chassis that feels nearly as in-tune and connected to the driving experience as comparable BMW models. So much so in fact, that I doubt the average buyer would be able to tell much of a difference. F-Sport models up the ante with specially tuned suspensions that enhance the IS’ naturally sporty demeanor. There’s even more ante to up when you choose the available Adaptive Variable Suspension (AVS) on an F-Sport model, a system that actively adjusts shock absorber damping force in response to current road conditions.

Beyond all this though, most expect people a Lexus to drive like a bank vault. Comfort and sound elimination is paramount to the brand, the fact that it moves seems a mere afterthought, almost an inconvenience in most Lexus vehicles. Those brand hallmarks are still accounted for in the IS, with a fairly smooth and serene cruising experience on the highway — though oddly the models I sampled seemed to have quite a bit of road and wind noise.

All models also benefit from a trick knob Lexus calls Drive Mode Select. This little prudence in the center console lets drivers select the kind of driving experience they wish to have in their IS with the flick of a wrist, offering ECO, Normal, and Sport modes. Normal mode is perfectly sufficient for running your daily errands, getting milk, etc. If you find yourself being chased by, say, a really super confused and hungry T-Rex, you’re gonna wanna flick the Drive Mode Selector over to Sport, which will keep the revs high and all the power right at hand, perfect for quick getaways. You may then find that you’ve burned up so much gas in Sport mode that you’re now concerned you may run out of petrol before you reach your rescue copter. This is when you’ll want to flick the Drive Mode Selector over to ECO, which will do its best to eke out as much fuel economy as possible. It will also be handy when you don’t have time to get gas before a yoga class.

How it looks
“You stare at him, and he just stares right back.”

The new IS has plenty of personality — a shocking statement to utter about a Lexus, I know. Whereas the previous generation IS was a sporty-ish Corolla-looking thing, this all-new IS is super-pissed and has clearly been bred with some kind of alien/reptile hybrid. Cues from the previous generation are still there, mostly in the shape of the side windows and its high and pert trunk. The 2014 IS is an evolution for sure, but there’s far more drama in this model than in previous versions.

Starting at the front we have Lexus’ spindle grille making a rather terrifying appearance. This is easily the most dramatic application of the brand’s new grille to date and is sure to make many any innocent cow (and probably some humans) shriek in fear. Moving out to the headlights we find something even more interesting, Lexus has separated the main projector beam units from the LED daytime running lights, with the upper units resembling something of the arachnid persuasion and the detached DRLs looking like an elegant blob that will give Nike’s trademark lawyers something to sweat over.

Moving to the side, Lexus has been careful to maintain the traditional IS profile, with a few tweaks. The most obvious change is the enlargement of the rear window that, to my eyes, makes the side look a bit more clunky and ordinary than the previous generation’s high-n-tight rear window treatment. A new character line on the lower rocker panel twists up toward the rear wheel and lights. Lexus says this has been done to emphasize the rear-wheel-drive dynamics of the IS, though in practice it looks a little over-wrought.

Around back Lexus continues the “super-pissed” theme by giving the IS some very angry looking taillights. Lexus is proud to point out these tail lights incorporate the brand’s “L” into the shape of the light pipes. Clever, if you only look at the one on the left. Just below the new taillights there appears to be a deep gash created by something with a very long incisor. It makes the rear lights look like they’re not correctly seated, and I dislike it very much, but the rear, as a whole, is pleasingly sporty and purposeful-looking.

Lastly of course there are the ever-important wheels. Think of them as the claws of the vehicle: they hold the key to making the IS look like a velociraptor rather than a Brachiosaurus. F-Sport models (both 250 and 350) receive some LF-A inspired rims (noticing a trend here?) that look good if not altogether interesting. A personal favorite of mine were the snowflake-looking 18-inchers available on the IS250 as an upgrade from the standard (and very dumpy looking) 17 inch 10-spokes.

…and the inside?
“We should have stayed in the damned car”

Gone is the upright, symmetrical, and stodgy looking cockpit of the outgoing IS. This new IS sports a cabin inspired by the firm’s $400,000 supercar, the LF-A. Occupants are presented with a much more horizontally oriented cabin with broad, linear shapes dominating the cozy, but comfortable space.

Front seats are comfortable and supportive in all models, however those who elect to buy the F-Sport models will find themselves sitting in someone wonderfully bolstered sport seats that hug you like a velociraptor hugs a goat. Rear seating was comfortable enough even though the shape and angle of the seatbacks seemed a little too upright for my liking. In an odd twist though, you can only get those sport seats with heating, not the ventilation system that lesser models are optioned with.

Of course, the trick LF-A-inspired Adaptive Meter gauges on the F-Sport should more than make up for that omission. With the Adaptive Meter, drivers are faced with a customizable LCD display that sports a physical ring around them, which motors to the right at the touch of a button to provide more room for information on the left. It’s a bit of a gimmick, but that didn’t stop me from continually making that gauge ring slide back and forth for my own entertainment. Standard IS 250 and 350 models have more conventional analog gauges with a smaller LCD display sandwiched between them.

Over on the tech side of the equation we’re greeted with Lexus’ newest infotainment system. Updates to this system include a more intuitive menu layout as well as traffic and weather information provided through HD Radio that ingeniously does not require a subscription. This applies to IS models with and without navigation, though the information available on non-navigation models is generally less informative and up-to-date. Still, subscription-free is nothing to scoff at when most other companies charge you at least a satellite radio fee to keep that data flowing to your little darling. In units with navigation, controlling the standard seven-inch color monitor in the IS is still done via Lexus’ remote touch control, a system which I find fiddly and awkward at times.

In terms of comfort though the IS interior is a great place to be. While Audi still reigns supreme in terms of design and materials quality, the IS has a firmly modern cabin that should appeal to younger buyers. The seats on the Lexus displayed much more everyday coziness than those on the BMW 335i that Lexus provided as a point of reference.

However, there are a few oddities and downsides to this cabin. All models tested were equipped with an old-fashioned foot actuated parking brake that didn’t seem to fit with the rest of the IS’ tech/sport aura. Every time I stepped on the parking brake I felt like I was parking my Grandmother’s 1987 Plymouth Reliant K.

Also, while materials are quite nice, there is an overabundance of textures, which I found a bit off-putting. An oddly glittery black plastic adorns the center console around the stereo controls, which showed oily fingerprints very quickly. Additionally, wood and carbon fiber accents are provided depending on which model you choose, but the wood is fake and looks fake. Same goes for the carbon fiber-like material smattered on the F-Sport models. It’s clearly not the real stuff.

Also, an analog clock? Seriously? Ew.

Is she a Killer?

She’s probably not enough to un-crown the 3-Series in terms of driving dynamics, but maybe she doesn’t have to. Offering 98% of the sporting feel with a larger pedigree for reliability may be more than enough for many shopping in this segment. Add to that a more richly detailed cabin than a comparable BMW or Mercedes, and the 2014 Lexus IS certainly seems to be a good alternative to the German sport sedan norm.

The 2014 Lexus IS may not be the best in her class in any specific category but being very good at many things is certainly a good place to be.

The 2014 Lexus IS is indeed a clever girl.

During the next few years, no automotive segment will be more contested than the entry-luxury market. I’ve taken to calling these drivers the NQR40s, or not-quite-rich, under 40s. They’re young, not exceedingly wealthy, but they can certainly afford cars with above-average price tags. Like our own tribe, they tend to be tech- and design-savvy. Make it fun, urban-appropriate, and a bit daring, and you’ve got the perfect package for most folks in this demographic. (Or us, for that matter.)

Acura’s first serious attempt to woo the NQR40 driver is the ILX, a car based on the Honda Civic and built in Greensburg, IN. That’s a similar strategy employed by GM as it bases the Buick Verano on essentially the same chassis as the Chevy Cruze. As long as it looks and drives great, who cares what candy is hidden beneath?

Looking at the ILX, its Civic heritage isn’t obvious. It has a clean design, highlighted with a sculpted satin silver grille surround, shouldered rear flanks, and upturned windowline. The car looks like a shrunken version of the larger RLX sedan. Xenon headlamps, 17” alloys, foglamps, and neat hood creases imbue a sense of refinement. It passes as an Acura, not a Honda.

Same is true of the leather-lined cabin. Where the Civic has a complex instrument cluster with digital gauges, the ILX is pure sport sedan, greeting drivers with large analog gauges, a leather-wrapped three-spoke steering wheel, and twin cockpit dash design. Sport seats are superb. Audio and navigation controls are a little confusing, but you get over it. Heated seats keep you toasty; Bluetooth and USB ports make connecting phones and MP3 players a snap. Enter the dungeon blindfolded, and you could be in any Acura.

The ILX is available with three powertrains. Most, like our test car, come with a 150 horsepower, 2.0-liter four-cylinder connected to a paddle-shifted five-speed automatic transmission. Performance enthusiasts will select the available 2.4-liter four-cylinder that delivers 201 horsepower and is matched exclusively with a six-speed manual transmission. Green intenders prefer the 39/38 mpg city/highway hybrid system that utilizes lithium-ion batteries and a 1.5-liter four-cylinder engine. Even with the base engine, drivers should expect to see 24/35 mpg city/highway.

Personally, I like the ILX. Cabins are comfortable, even without French-stitched door coverings. Styling is conservative, but upscale. I could really appreciate the 2.4-liter engine with an automatic transmission, but the base 2.0-liter is adequate. There is some engine noise, but it is not obnoxious. If the ILX mysteriously appeared in my driveway, I’d probably like it for a very long time.

But we have to discuss price and that’s Acura’s real challenge in attracting NQR40s. Our ILX came to $32,295 as-tested — about $7,000 more than a comparably-equipped Civic, and more than the high-performance Si version. The ILX is a nice car, but so are the Buick Verano, Audi A3, BMW 1-Series, and upcoming Mercedes A-Class. Acura simply has to do more than deliver a Civic in drag. It must build a world-class compact. Sales will tell if they succeeded.

Storm forward!

2013 Acura ILX 
Five-passenger, FWD sedan
Powertrain: 150 hp 2.0-liter I4, five-speed auto transmission
Suspension f/r: Ind/Ind
Wheels: 17”/17” alloy f/r
Brakes: disc/disc fr/rr with ABS
Must-have features: Style, handling
Fuel economy: 24/35 mpg city/hwy
Assembly: Greensburg, IN
Base/as-tested price: $25,900/32,295

Soybeans, wheat straw, coconuts, and dandelion greens make for an interesting salad. They’re also key ingredients in one of the most outstanding cars of the year, the 2013 Ford Fusion. For those who truly want a green car, this baby more than qualifies.

Recently, staff writer Casey Williams told us how the new Ford Fusion is a great combination of Mother America and Father Europe. That assessment is spot-on — and one that absolutely has no horse meat or horse waste in it.

Scientists have been busy as a bee lately, trying to devise more earth-friendly materials for all our needs. Their goal: to make door frames and dashboards that are just as sturdy as steel but weigh less and have more in common with our kitchen tables than our garbage bags.

They’ve started with that darling bean of the faux food crowd, soy, which can be manipulated into polyols, or alcohol, which can then become a large component of the foam used throughout the automobile shaping process. This soy foam has allowed Ford to shed five-million pounds of petroleum from its annual diet.

And think of this: next time you stash your school books or classical CDs in your car, you may be putting them in care of Mr. Scarecrow. Wheat straw is now being used to make a reinforced plastic for car storage bins. This manufacturing technique saves another 20,000 pounds of petroleum per year.

Love coconut water for your poolside libations but don’t know what to do with the shell once drunk? Ford and its partners are exploring ways to use coconut coir (or husks) to mold plastic parts.

And your milky-white secretions don’t have to go to waste — at least not if you’re a dandelion. Those dandy pearls are used to produce a sustainable rubber, and that rubber can be use to build cup holders, floor mats, and other car accessories that are lighter and more durable than today’s.

Here’s another way of looking at these secret ingredients: the organic material found in your 2013 Ford Fusion is the equivalent of two pairs of jeans for the average-sized adult (whatever that is), or about 31, 250 soy beans. Throw in about 40 clear plastic water bottles for the cloth seats, and you’ve got a car that brings recycling up to speed. What’s more: the covering for those seats is woven from “Omni” cloth, made from 100% recycled yarn. Thus, you can now sit on what didn’t go into that hand-knitted holiday sweater, which is probably for the best.

Over time, this kind of manufacturing eco-friendliness will likely sneak up on us. Our daily products will become more and more earth-friendly, and we may never notice.

At least not until someone offers us some edamame hummus to go with our next hybrid or electric car.

The Geneva Auto Show — which wrapped up this past weekend — is often a launchpad for quirky Euro fuel-sippers, but in 2013, automakers mostly brought their prize rides. Like the lobby of the St. Moritz, the show was full of glamour and wealth. Here are some of the highlights:

Alfa Romeo 4C
Coming later this year to U.S. Fiat dealers, the mid-engine Alfa boasts a 240 horsepower, 1.75-liter turbo-four, twin dry-clutch transmission, and multiple driving modes. Simple interiors with leather buckets and digital instruments enhance its exotic aura — as does production at the Maserati plant in Modena, Italy. Prices should begin under $80k.

Aston Martin Rapide S
The British supercar builder celebrates its 100th Anniversary with this super sexy four-door coupe. The Rapide S wears a new full grille, revised decklid with a flip spoiler, and sleeker aerodynamics. Interiors are divine! The 6.0-liter V12 pumps out 550 horsepower — enough for 0-62 mph in 4.9 seconds and a top speed of 190 mph. That soaring performance will be matched by a soaring price, above $250,000.

Bentley Flying Spur
Given the 616 horsepower 6.0-liter W12 engine that moves this huge car from 0-60 mph in 4.3 seconds, and to a top speed of 200 mph, the name is appropriate. This being a Bentley, passengers are lavished with exquisite hides, 10 square-meters of wood, 1100W Naim for Bentley audio, and a Wi-Fi hotspot. Deliveries begin in July, and shoppers can expect to shell out over $200,000.

Chevrolet Corvette Stingray Convertible
This Vette convertible is even sexier than the coupe. It runs with a 450 horsepower 6.2-liter V8 connected to a seven-speed manual or six-speed automatic transmission. Aluminum and carbon fiber reduce weight. The standard power top can be operated while traveling up to 30 mph. Five driving modes, heads-up display, and reconfigurable touchscreens delight. Sales begin this fall.

Ferrari LaFerrari
Specs for the Enzo replacement are stunning: a combined 963 horsepower from a 6.3-liter V12-based gas/electric hybrid system take the car from 0-60 mph in under three seconds, on to 120 mph in seven seconds, all the way to a max speed of 205 mph. The multi-vented bodywork is lovely, but also enhances downforce. LaFerrari is, ahem, only $1.3 million, but sadly, all 499 units are sold.

McLaren P1
Exotic looks conceal a plug-in hybrid system, with a 3.8-liter twin-turbo V8 that generates 906 horsepower. The P1 covers 0-60 mph in less than three seconds and tops out at 217 mph. Intensive use of carbon fiber, a downforce-generating body, and adjustable suspension enhance performance. It will be produced in England later this year for an estimated $1.3 million.

Subaru VIZIV Concept
Imagining a future-generation crossover, the VIZIV flaunts clean surfaces and a projecting grille for tough, yet elegant style. The interior features an info display for passengers and EyeSight crash avoidance system. A gas/electric hybrid system with a Boxer four-cylinder diesel allows independent motor-driven AWD for efficient running and superior handling.

Rolls-Royce Wraith
Wafting by with two-tone paint, a flush grille, and a fastback roofline, the Ghost-based Wraith glistens. Coach doors open to sheets of wood paneling and starlight headliner. Underneath is a 624 horsepower 6.6-liter V12 that scoots from 0-60 mph in 4.4 seconds. Its transmission uses GPS to anticipate roads ahead. Get one this fall for about $320,000.

Oh, how quick we are to judge.

We’re very opinionated when it comes to certain things — automobiles, for example. Some folks are so passionate about a particular brand that their personal relationships are based solely on the makes and models that they — and their friends — drive.

Others are simply passionate about being passionate. Like Statler and Waldorf , they revel in tossing out Twitter-cisms in 140 characters or less. These folks are willing to offer snap judgments based on slivers of information that may or may not turn out to be entirely accurate.

Recently, both groups — the passionate and the passionately critical — had the chance to weigh in on a spy photo of a new Jeep model. What happened afterwards was pure social media madness.

The all-new 2014 Jeep Cherokee was supposed to be unveiled during the New York Auto Show in March, but as usual these days, photos leaked out ahead of schedule. When Jalopnik published spy pics of the new model, Chrysler Group LLC’s responded by stating: “Photos not the vehicle to be revealed in [New York].”

To prove it wasn’t bluffing, several hours later Chrysler released pics of the actual 2014 Jeep Cherokee, the replacement for the Liberty. With just four front and front-quarter images published to social media outlets, snap opinions began flying across the Twitterverse. Some praised the different approach to Jeep design, which melds new Fiat-inspired elements and traditional Jeep signatures onto this very important SUV/crossover. Others simply bashed it. On the whole, there were probably more positive responses than negative, but the loudest, most-retweeted messages came from critics.

If you’re familiar with Twitter, this is nothing new. When the first photos of the 2012 Honda Civic broke, a Greek chorus of automotive media and enthusiast types swamped the photos with a tidal wave negativity. Honda decided to revise the Civic for 2013, allegedly to bring it in line with upcoming brand design elements. Which was the company’s way of saying, “Dude, we hear you. We screwed up.”

A year later, American Honda braced itself for another round of social media vitriol when the first images of the 2013 Honda Accord were released. The outcry wasn’t as negative as it was for the Civic, but the Accord was criticized for being as “bland” as its compact.

Oddly enough, despite the amount of hate showered on both models, they’ve performed well in showrooms – though not enough to boost Honda sales as a whole.

What about the 2014 Cherokee? How will initial reaction affect its success with consumers?

As Oscar Wilde once wrote, “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.” Social media is a great example of that principle in action: whether positive or negative, the important thing is that folks are discussing the Cherokee on Facebook, Twitter, and every other network. .

Translation: the more people praise or hate on the initial images of the 2014 Cherokee, the more buzz this new vehicle will generate in advance of its formal debut at the New York Auto Show. That’s probably good news for Jeep.

Back when The Love Boat sailed the Seven Seas with a heavenly host of Charlie’s Angels, you could get a good small car for about $5,000. As we entered the gay 90s with Hillary and Bill Clinton, the size of our cars increased, and starting prices doubled to about $10,000. Now, in the day of sequestration and Inauguration Day lip-synching, the size of a good small car has doubled once again — this time to around $20,000.

Here is where the Mazda CX-5 makes an entrance. Brand new for 2013, the CX-5 isn’t a small car but a practical compact crossover (built on a car platform) that provides a nice, solid ride and all the strength of an SUV, complete with style, flair, and sexiness. A replacement for the Mazda Tribute, the CX-5 starts at $21,000 — before and after sequestration.

The CX-5 gives Mazda a presence in America’s thriving small SUV market. (Personally, I thought the CX-7 — the bigger version of the CX-5 — did that, but what do I know?) The new crossover should be both a hit with audiences and a moneymaker for Mazda.

The CX-5 has generated a lot of buzz, mostly because of its new design called “KODO – Soul of Motion.” That’s not a sequel to Kung Fu Panda, but an impressive design concept that mirrors the appearance of fast animals and fast humans. In Mazda’s own words, KODO design allows a car to pounce, like “the instant when a cheetah pounces on its prey, or the moment of a sword strike in the ancient Japanese martial art of Kendo.”

Yeah, yeah, sure. I’m hard-pressed to see it, but apparently others see a lot of things that I don’t. Let’s just say the CX-5 is nice-looking, with a uni-body design that allows for a stronger yet quieter ride.

To make it pounce, the CX-5 also has Mazda’s SkyActiv engine technology, which helps the car perform better while saving you money at the pump. Wikipedia can tell you all about SkyActiv, because it’s way too Big Bang theory for me. But I do know that this efficiency allows a modest 2.0 liter, direct-injection four-cylinder engine (the only engine available on the CX-5) to perform quite well — almost like a cheetah or gazelle, I suspect.

Starting at $21K and ultimately pushing $30K, the new CX-5 can be had as a Sport, Touring, or Grand Touring vehicle. Across all three of those trim levels, stability control and electronic brakeforce distribution are now standard, which is a big boost for safety. Finally, manufacturers understand that vehicle safety really shouldn’t be an option based on who can afford it.

I drove the 2013 Mazda CX-5 Sport before the snow started to fall, so I can only comment on how it handles on clear roads: perfectly. Motoring through the Rocky Mountains, which is always challenging, the CX-5′s performance was consistent and impressive. I had to brake hard a few times for deer, and the braking was precise, effective, and relatively smooth, though I think someone in the backseat did spill her Jamba Juice.

As with many smaller cars and SUVs, my only real beef with the CX-5 is that seating in the rear is a tad tight. There seems to be a fair amount of headroom in the back seats, but it would still be uncomfortable for three average-sized adults to squeeze back there for a ride to the Florida Keys, even if they were driving from Miami.

Otherwise, the CX-5′s interior is nice and cozy. The most prominent feature on the center stack is the in-dash navigation system — though I have to admit, I’m not a fan of such things. It’s not that they’re lousy, but these days, almost everyone has Google Maps on her smart phone. I love the ease and simplicity of Google Maps, and since you and I already have this — not to mention the fact that almost all car navigation systems are optional and require extra cash — why not just use what already works? Should you go with the optional navigation system, it’s Tom Tom.

I should point out that the 2013 Mazda CX-5 is the winner of the 2012-2013 Japan Car of the Year Award. Considering its competition, that’s saying a lot. If you’re in the market for a crossover, you really can’t go wrong with the CX-5.

You just may have to strain a bit to see it as a cheetah.

Believe or not, it’s perfectly legal to drive naked in most parts of the country.

For those who enjoy the wind in your face and the breeze in your hair — all of your hair — driving naked can be very liberating. Add in a sunroof and some Nina Hagen, and you can really feel the call of the wild.

At the same time, however, you may be setting yourself up for trouble with Johnny (or JoAnn) Law. Clothed or not, caution when driving is always advised, so when you’re not flying by the seat of your pants because you have no pants, extra planning is crucial.

Rule of thumb: as long as no one can see your junk or, for lack of a better term, butt crack, you’re probably okay. Butt cheeks and side loins are typically hunky-dory, though pubic hair is questionable.

If that sounds a tad graphic, it should: many laws addressing nudity single out genitals and the “crack” as “indecent”. Other appendages and activities can fall into gray areas. Breasts, male or female, might be okay; pinching or fondling them in public almost certainly isn’t.

When driving undraped, your biggest concern is when/if anyone — especially children — can see you au natural. There have been reports of naked drivers being pulled over and ordered to step out of the car; subsequently, the driver has been charged with violating public decency laws. If you really dig driving your Beetle in the buff, we suggest that you steer clear of parks when families are lounging and avoid “appearing” naked: both of those can lead to harassment by the po-po.

(Ed. note: we’re reminded here of that old joke — possibly from Jerry Clower — about the difference between “nude” and “naked”. When you say, “Darlene is nude”, it means Darlene doesn’t have any clothes on. When you say, “Darlene is naked”, it means Darlene doesn’t have any clothes on, and she’s up to something. Translation: when driving, don’t look naked.)

The best way to avoid problems with the law is to keep a pair of shorts or underwear nearby. Running around in you BVDs or Spanx may be of questionable taste, but it’s perfectly legal. Should you need to step out of your car, you ought to be wearing something, even if it’s a banana hammock. (Google it.) And this should go without saying: try not give police other reasons to pull you over, like sipping from an 40 oz. or reeking of hemp.

Here are a few more practical tips for your escape from the shackles of poly-cotton blends:

• Bring a towel. Sitting bare on a towel is going to be far more comfortable than doing so on any manufacturer’s car seats. For seats that can be cooled, using a lightly-woven towel — always in abundance at discount stores — allows the cool to reach your body. (This is what I am told. I have no practical experience with this. Really.)

• Wear shoes. Though driving barefoot is entirely legal in all 50 states (despite a lot of urban myths), it’s not especially safe or hygienic. You need a good pair of shoes, preferably athletic, to ensure that your feet get the grip they need. Save your heels for venues with an audience of good tippers.

• Watch your speed. There’s nothing like a naked driver hurtling down the highway to attract attention from police. Enough said.

• Bring sunscreen. Even t-shirts give you just an SFP of eight. Revving it in the raw could mean that the sizzle will start to hurt by lunchtime. Remember: your Xtube fans aren’t interested in seeing you sunburned. (Or maybe they are. We don’t know your life.)

• Don’t draw attention to yourself. Blasting “I Am What I Am” as you drive by the Piggly Wiggly could get you noticed — by the cops. Discretion is the better part of naked valor.

Above all, remember that your key function is to operate the car. If you find something’s distracting you — your beauty, the stunning view of your passenger, or something more lurid — driving naked is not a good idea. Keep your eyes where they belong: on the road.

Happy (natural) motoring.

Ed. note: A few weeks ago, Casey gave us his take on the 2013 Volkswagen Beetle Turbo Convertible. But we thought it would be interesting to get a second opinion from someone from California — one of the Beetle’s native environments.

Last summer, I drove the restyled Volkswagen Beetle Turbo and came away impressed — especially with the more masculine, 356-like styling, upgraded interior, and the spirited performance that reminded me of the first- and second-generation GTIs I owned back in my college days.

So when Volkswagen called and offered me a crack at the new Beetle Convertible, who was I to decline? I met them in Newport Beach on a Friday afternoon and they handed me the keys (okay, the fob) to an automatic $32,295 (plus destination) Beetle Convertible Turbo, decked out with VW’s Sound and Navigation Package and painted a smart Reef Blue.

I dropped the top and headed to Laguna to see how the locals would react. Although it normally takes a much pricier car to turn a head in the OC, the sporty little Beetle received nods and waves — and why not? The redesigned car, as I noted last year, is much more like a 356 than a Beetle, and there’s nothing they like better in the OC than a Porsche.

Aside from being a surfer magnet, the Beetle Convertible has a lot to offer. First I’m impressed by what it doesn’t have: noise and vibration. There’s no cowl shake to speak of, and the three-layer convertible top is the quietest soft top I have ever experienced — even freeway driving is a pleasure. It may be a decibel or two louder than the coupe, but the audio system can actually be heard and enjoyed with the top up or down. There’s a one-touch system for lowering the top and side windows, so it’s effortless fun for all the sun-chasers.

One thing that’s far from one-touch, though, is the Rube Goldberg device that Volkswagen calls the “top boot”. I’ve had convertibles since the 1970s, and this is the first time that I just gave up and stuffed the damn thing in the trunk. Fortunately, the top’s appearance when lowered is not objectionable.

The engine was the same 2.0 liter 200 hp turbo I drove last summer, although this time it was mated to VW’s six-speed automatic transmission. I’m not normally a fan of multi-speed automatics, and this was no exception. I understand the need to achieve CAFE numbers, but how about a Sport mode? The calibration was so biased in favor of fuel economy that it was always one gear ahead of where I wanted to be. I overcame that problem with Manual mode but a Sport button would be lovely. If I were buying this baby for myself, I’d opt for the six-speed manual and use the thousand dollar savings to pay for all the extra gas I’d plan to burn.

This car was also equipped with the Fender Premium Audio and Navigation, which is a big improvement over the base offering and a luxury worth investing in. It has Sirius XM, 400 watts of power, and nine speakers that created a sound that was rich and enjoyable whether the top was raised or lowered. I was much more meh on the Navigation: it was pleasant enough to use, but the display seemed scarcely larger than an iPhone. I can take it or leave it, but the package also includes the leather interior that I very much liked, so learned to ignore it.

Even in Southern California, some rain must fall, so the Beetle and I had a full day of rain testing. (Oh, the things I do for you guys.) I’m happy to report that the Beetle’s snug little beret allowed not one drip of water inside, and the heater kept the cabin toasty warm. While I won’t claim that it was more fun in the rain than in the sun, there was certainly no penalty involved.

And that really sums up the Beetle Convertible. It’s so well-designed and well-constructed that you’ll forget it’s a convertible until the top button is pushed — and that’s serious praise indeed. My list of likes is long, and quibbles are few. If you’re shopping for a convertible, this one belongs on the short list.

You can find many more pics of the 2013 Volkswagen Beetle Turbo Convertible on Jeff’s Flickr page.

Ford’s new mid-size Fusion is an odd mix of Mother America and Father Europe. That’s in direct contrast to the last-generation Fusion that was essentially a Japanese Mazda6 underneath. There was precision to its moves that was wholly in line with its underpinnings. It was especially nice as a hybrid. Only one problem: except for its brash, flashy chrome grille, its design was B-O-R-I-N-G.

By comparison, the latest Fusion is a smooth, bronzed supermodel, ready for Monaco. An Aston Martin grille, sexy fastback roofline, chiseled flanks, and Jaguar tail let it slip through a throng of exotics unnoticed. It looks like papa. But there’s a hint of American muscle car in the hood bulges, angry headlamps, and twin chrome exhaust outlets. Mama’s proud. Friends and family universally panned our test car’s Ginger Algae Metallic paint, which approximated baby peas laced with grind shavings, but the rest of the car is GQ-handsome.

Step inside. Somebody at Ford worships at the altar of Audi. It shows in soft-touch materials, elegant woodgrain, aluminum-look detailing on the dash and doors, and comfy, heated leather seats. Nothing in the interior feels cheap; even the underside of the center stack is vinyl-covered. Leather on the steering wheel may have been shed from a goat, but the Fusion is designed to a price. A large analog speedometer with flanking LCD screens for trip computer and audio read-outs are sporty and high-tech.

Our Fusion came with MyFord Touch, which converts the center stack into one large touch pad. Drivers can control audio, navigation, and climate through voice, the high-mounted touchscreen, or labeled touch spots below. Optional safety systems include Lane Keeping System, adaptive cruise control, and blind-spot warning. Front and rear parking sensors matched with a backing camera keep that Algae paint from spreading to foreign surfaces.

Ford’s powertrain for the Fusion is based firmly on options from across the Atlantic. Our test car came with a 1.6-liter direct-injected EcoBoost four-cylinder engine that generates 178 horsepower and 184 ft-lbs of torque. Auto Start-Stop Technology, which pauses the engine at rest, and a choice of six-speed manual or automatic transmissions help the car return 26/37 mpg city/highway.

Ford may have sought too much input from America for the chassis and steering. There’s nothing obscenely sloppy about the chassis, but it floats over rough roads — in fact, it floats over all roads. It’s smooth, but not particularly engaging. Same is true of the steering. It’s precise, but light. Most owners will love it, but you can’t help feeling that Ford could’ve done more to excite lovers of Euro ‘chinery.

A co-worker narrowed his mid-size sedan search to the VW Passat, Honda Accord, and Ford Fusion. He chose the Fusion. Overall, I like the car, too. Its exterior and interior are supermodel hot, but I can’t help wishing for the crisp moves of the previous-generation. A little more input from Cousin Japan could make the Euro-American Fusion near perfect.

A base price of $21,700 ($30,180 as-tested) serves up tough competition for the Fusion’s enemies on both sides of the oceans.

2013 Ford Fusion
Five-passenger, FWD sedan
Powertrain: 178hp 1.6-liter turbo I4, 6-speed automatic transmission
Suspension f/r: Ind/Ind
Wheels: 18”/18” alloy f/r
Brakes: disc/disc fr/rr with ABS
Must-have features: Style, ride
Fuel economy: 23/36 mpg city/hwy
Assembly: Hermosillo, Mexico
Base/as-tested price: $21,700/30,180

This definitely isn’t your grandma’s old Vista Cruiser, your eclectic uncle’s Saab 9-5 Aero wagon, or even that sublime Audi RS4 Avant you’ve been hoping would finally be sold stateside. No, in the world of station wagons, the Aston Martin Rapide Bertone pretty much stands alone in terms of looks and outright desirability. It also helps that, as of this moment, there happens to be exactly one these wonder wagons in existence.

Set to be revealed next month at the 2013 Geneva Auto Show, the Rapide Bertone wagon – or shooting-brake, if you’re feeling fancy when it comes to nomenclature – was “commissioned by an Aston Martin collector who took part in person in the whole development of the project,” according to Bertone’s press release. The famed Italian design house, which is celebrating 60 years of collaboration with Aston Martin, then brought the idea to life.

The result is stunning, especially when you consider that the four-passenger Rapide sedan is already one of the best looking luxury cars out there – albeit not the easiest one to get in and out of, if you happen to be seated in the cozy rear. Bertone opted not to mess with the mechanicals, which is fine by us. The 476-horsepower 6.0-liter V-12 is a gem that’s happy to purr along in traffic, or snarl like a dive-bombing Spitfire when you mash the gas pedal. Power is routed to the rear wheels via Aston’s 6-speed “Touchtronic” automatic gearbox, with shift paddles mounted on the steering column.

Aston Martin quotes a 0-to-60 mph time of 5.0 seconds flat for the Rapide, along with an ultimate top speed of 183 mph. Bertone hasn’t released all the specifications, though it’s likely the added sheet-metal needed to transform the Rapide sedan into a wagon has added a few pounds to the curb-weight. That might add a couple tenths of a second to the acceleration times but, let’s be honest, would you really care? This Aston wagon is so sexy; it would be a shame to quickly zoom past all of those envious onlookers.

Aston Martin has been mulling over the introduction of a sport-utility in its range, though the tepid (read: terrible) reception given to its 2009 Lagonda SUV concept hardly inspired confidence. Blocky and ill-proportioned, the Lagonda concept looked as rushed and unfinished as the Rapide Bertone wagon looks refined and purposeful. Here’s hoping Aston takes note and considers extending the Rapide Bertone’s production run beyond this lone example.

Los Angeles and Detroit are two of the largest auto shows in North America, but automakers often save some big news for Chicago. From a new little diesel to a Superman sedan, big man van, and Texas-sized truck, there was a lot to see at the 2013 Chicago Auto Show, which wrapped up last week. Here are some of the highlights:

2014 Chevy Cruze Turbo Diesel
Volkswagen’s Jetta TDI gets company. Chevy is shoving a 2.0-liter diesel engine — which delivers 148 horsepower and 258 ft-lbs of torque — into the compact Cruze. In combination with low-rolling-resistance tires, rear spoiler, and lightweight 17” alloys, the engine enables 42 mpg highway. 0-60 mph arrives in 8.6 seconds. Prices will start at $25,695.

2014 Toyota Tundra
Not to be left behind, Toyota debuted its new Texas-built pickup. Bold exteriors accompany luxurious interiors with available saddle brown leather, JBL audio, Entune infotainment, heated/cooled seats, and Blind Spot Monitor with Rear Cross Traffic Alert. Drivers will choose from a V6 and two V8 engines, delivering up to 381 horsepower.

2013 Nissan Nismo Juke
Nissan’s in-house tuner works over the Juke with a race-inspired exterior, sport-tuned suspension, and firmer steering. Interiors feature bolstered suede seats with red stitching. Whether owners choose front- or all-wheel-drive, they’ll enjoy a 197 horsepower 1.6-liter turbo-four engine. Pricing wasn’t announced, but sales begin in March.

2014 Ram ProMaster
Developed from the Fiat Ducato, this unibody front-drive Ram will become a staple of contractors and delivery services and could give the Ford Transit Connect a run for its hard-earned money. Doors are wide enough for pallets. Under the hood is a 174 hp, 3.0-liter EcoDiesel or 280 hp 3.6-liter V6. Bluetooth, hands-free texting, web access, and navigation aid drivers. Sales begin this fall.

Kia Cross GT Concept
Peter Schreyer’s design studios created another stunner. Penned in Frankfurt, but built in California, it previews a next-generation crossover. Motivation comes from a 400 hp V6 hybrid system with AWD, enabling 20 miles of all-electric range. A hexagonal glass skylight, leather tanned with veggie oil, and walnut trim the interior. (Ed. note: Kia is not a gay-friendly automaker)

2014 Volkswagen Beetle GSR
Inspired by a ‘70s Beetle of the same name, the GSR will echo its predecessor with yellow paint, black accents, and large rear spoiler. Interiors boast Fender audio, sunroof, alloy pedals, and a stopwatch (!). The 210 hp 2.0-liter turbo-four and 19” alloys should deliver peppy performance. A limited allotment of 3500 units arrives this fall, pricing TBD.

2013 Dodge Mopar Dart
Outfitted with Mopar accessories, this special Dart wears black paint with blue stripes, 18” gloss black alloys, spoilers, Katskin blue leather driver’s seat, and industry-first wireless smartphone charging. A lowered suspension, premium brakes, and Fiat-sourced 1.4-liter turbo engine enhance performance. Production is limited to 500 cars.

Ford Fiesta ST Racer
Ford has been a contender in almost every racing series over the decades, and will continue in the Global RallyCross Championship, including five North American events, with a special Fiesta ST that previews the coming launch of a production version. The cars will be expertly driven during 2013 by Tanner Foust, Brian Deegan, and Ken Block.

Superman-themed Kia Optima Hybrid
The Optima Hybrid is already a superhero for Kia sales, but a partnership with DC Entertainment created this special car to help raise money for the “We Can Be Heroes” campaign to alleviate drought and famine in Africa. Widened fenders, adjustable suspension, and Superman color scheme gave the car super powers in Kia’s stand. (Ed. note: Kia is not a gay-friendly automaker)

(Ed. note: Our contributor Zach hails from Croatia, where the Fiat 500Ls roaming the streets are a little different than the ones expected in the U.S.)

When the Fiat 500L debuted in Italy, it caused quite a stir — literally. That’s because it came with an optional coffee machine. And not just any coffee machine: it’s made by Lavazza, the Italian king of coffee. (Check out the video above for proof!) That perk costs about 2.500KN, or roughly $430. To some that will sound ridiculous and unnecessary, but it’s all marketing, and to me, it seems fairly smart and cool.

Sadly, the coffee-maker didn’t make it into the American version of the 500L, which arrives in dealerships this summer. So for now, you’ll have to be content with Starbucks.

About the 500L

Five years after the reincarnation of the 500, Fiat decided to launch the 500L as a bigger option for families. It may not be as big as American minivans, but here in Europe where we’re used to smaller cars, it satisfies a family of five and all their luggage. Hopefully, it will be better accepted in the States than the small 500, which hasn’t exactly been flying off the lots.

Although it’s just a couple of inches longer than the Fiat Punto (the platform on which it’s based), the 500L offers a very roomy interior. Trunk space is impressive, surpassing some of its rivals. The rear bench seat is movable, offering extra luggage space for those who just can’t pack lightly. The instruments are very readable, and all the buttons on the center stack are within easy reach. The driver’s position is pitch-perfect, offering a very good view on both sides.

The 500L’s exterior looks chic, especially in red with white side mirrors and roof. Retro elements are found all over the car, and it looks very likable, just like its cute, diminutive sibling, the 500.

In the U.S., the 500L will come with a 1.4-liter “MultiAir Turbo” engine, which provides 160 hp and 184 ft-lbs of torque. U.S. mileage estimates for the 500L haven’t been announced, but given the car’s size, it’s not likely to beat the 500′s 31 mpg city/40 mpg highway.

Here in Europe, the 500L comes with a diesel option, which offers better fuel economy than the gas version. Depending on how well the 500L sells, that engine may or may not make it to the States.

I can’t say I’m especially optimistic about that, though. True, the 500L is bigger than the itsy-bitsy 500, and it offers significantly more interior space, but I’m worried that consumers in the U.S. may be turned off by the 500L simply because the 500 hasn’t been a big hit (despite J-Lo’s best efforts). It may take a while for Fiat to buff its brand image to the point that shoppers are willing to consider other vehicles in its lineup.

Then again, if Fiat changes its mind and includes the Lavazza coffee machine, who knows? Coffee can make people do crazy things.

Note: Kia is not a gay-friendly automaker.

Face it, girls.

You love and are attracted to the butch look, but you really don’t want to get your hands dirty.  You love having a strong vehicle that can really take on rough roads and odd rocks, but you don’t want the ride to spill your caramel macchiato. And you’d love to be able to stand around in circle of men and show them something that will really impress, yet you still want to have enough money to pay your cell phone bill.

You don’t have to admit it, but if you said yes to any of the above fantasies, the 2013 Kia Sportage may be the car for you. Starting at $20K after dealer costs, the Kia Sportage consistently delivers when it goes off-road, even with the standard inline four-cylinder engine. On the road, it’s a nice smooth worry-free ride. While to-die-for is not the best way to describe the vehicle, reliable is, and ultimately that’s the appeal of the 2013 Kia Sportage.

That wasn’t always the case in the 15-year history of the Kia Sportage. Once considered a bargain basement remnant with four wheels, the Sportage has matured into a crossover vehicle, which means that now it’s built on the frame of a car rather than the frame of a roller skate. The 2013 model really is the best Sportage yet, as Kia Motors has gone from being seen as a cheap import to a manufacturer of solid, safe vehicles. How many people do you know who have matured that well in 15 years?

Standard equipment on all four trims (Base, LX, EX and SX, going from base to top tier) now includes Bluetooth and iPod interface, something today considered a necessity rather than a luxury. For 2013, you can access all your audio from controls on the steering wheel. Other standard features of note include a one-touch power window for the driver and leather-wrapped arm rests. As for safety, even the base EX trims get an array of important and effective safety equipment, to include four-wheel antilock brakes with brake assist, Electronic Stability Control, Hill Assist Control, Downhill Brake Control, and passenger front and side airbags. For 2012, the Sportage was chosen as a top safety pick by the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (IIHS).

Before the snow fell, I took the Kia Sportage SX AWD, the top trim, for a drive in the Rocky Mountains.  As expected, the ride was smooth and the performance was stellar, making it a great car to put to the test should you ever find yourself at a butch event where you need to show your prowess.  Curves and sudden changes in road slope are part of the Rocky Mountain driving experience, and the Sportage handled it with no problem. No surprise there, really.

What really makes the 2013 Sportage shine for me is a big full panoramic sunroof, available only EX and SX trims. This sunroof opens up the entire vehicle like a can of sardines (Remember those? Oops, I’m old). It’s amazing how much better you feel when you open up and let the sunshine in. If you have the credit, I would say this is the best option to get. If you have to cut somewhere, I wouldn’t bother with the navigation. Not that it’s bad, but Google Maps on your  cell phone really is great and just as easy to use.

The bad news – and this has been a consistent problem for the Sportage – is that interior space, especially in the rear seats, is at a premium.  The curving slopes of the European-style roof really stun from the outside.  Yet inside, it can get a little too cozy, even for people of normal size. Should one of your passengers try going Gangnam Style in the backseat, more than a few raw nerves and hot lattes could spill over. If your friends are bears and you’re often the designated driver, you might want to go up a notch and check out the Kia Sedona, which is a minivan, yes, but a snazzy one that looks …. well, butch, really.

Critics have raved about the new Sportage, how stylish it looks, how clean and solid it stands.  Yeah, sure, it’s all that.  But its best quality, really, is that is a reliable SUV, big enough for Elton John’s family (but not his house staff).

Mileage averages about 20 in the city and anywhere from 25 to 30 on the highway.  You always have to take these numbers with a grain of salt (I will have to learn some 21st century clichés) since, as the commercials say, “individual mileage may vary.” No kidding — especially given the EPA fuel-economy fiasco dogging Kia and its sister, Hyundai. But you can still get quite a bit from the $40 you will put in the tank every week.

Also, the Kia Sportage is definitely a dog car and a great car for children, car seats, and possibly even flower deliveries. Test drives are almost always available at a dealership, just do yourself a favor: walk away after driving and then come back and buy it if you choose.  The one-time-only deal they’re offering will still be there next week, trust me.

In the movie To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar, Patrick Swayze and the girls need to buy a car for a cross-country road trip. “Substance or style” is their dilemma. The girls ultimately choose style, only for the car to breakdown in small farming town where Stockard Channing lives.  Hilarity ensues.

Indeed, if you buy a used car for all the wrong (read: “style”) reasons, there won’t be much hilarity when you find yourself shelling out thousands of dollars to fix what the seller promised was already fixed.

Few people can afford a new car these days, so you have to wonder just who is buying a Lamborghini (Jay Leno) or those funky new small cars with all the bling (not me). Given that all new cars lose up to 20% of their value once they’re driven off the lot, it makes sense to consider a used car, especially if it’s for your grown children, PFLAG mom, or the life partner you’re not sure you’ll keep until Labor Day.

How not to punked at the lemon lot? To protect yourself, there are a few things to keep in mind:

• Once you’ve handed over the cash and accept the title, the car is yours — and good luck returning it if defective. Even with dealer brokers, getting your money back may not be possible. Read the fine print.
• Private sellers can be as high-pressure as dealers. Everyone should always car shop with a friend who is more removed from the purchase.
• Do you really need “style”? Unless you’re dead-set on a classic car or you’re a great mechanic, used cars should be practical and affordable. Your “style” money is best used on you, not your transportation.
• No matter what you buy, it’s still a crap shoot. That’s just how it is, but consider this: you took a chance and came out of the closet. Buying a used car will be much easier.

When you begin shopping for a used car, here are some things to consider:

• As a buyer, you are better protected buying from a dealer broker.  The cost is higher, sure, but so is the peace of mind. They are required by law to vouch for the safety and the maintenance of the car.
• If you buy from a private party, make sure you know the party well. Sellers on the internet —  just like people’s profiles on the internet — are often not who they say they are.
• If you buy from a private seller, they will most likely demand cash or a money order. Be sure you know how to contact the seller if something happens, like, say, the engine falls to the ground. Not that finding the seller is guaranteed to do you much good, but the transaction shouldn’t be a hit-and-run.
• Drive the car. If the seller won’t let you test drive the car, walk away. There is usually something to hide.
• When you close the deal, make sure you have all the items (keys, accessories, bras) that you’re buying. Don’t let the seller say he’ll get it to you. Like the man your BFF fell in love with last year at Gay Pride, that extra set of keys to his heart may never materialize.
• Be sure to get the title at the same time you fork over the cash.  Trust should have nothing to do with this kind of transaction.

Finally, before you buy:

• Get the Vehicle Identification Number (VIN) and check it to make sure you know the history of the car. This can be done through a variety of websites, like Carfax. If it has been totaled and rebuilt, hold onto your wallet. Beware, however, because even a clean record doesn’t mean a clean history. Rebuilt cars deemed as totaled can be rebuilt (enough to pass inspection) and often get a new VIN. Do your homework.
• Do not buy on the spot. If you’re desperate for a car, everyone knows it, and you’re more likely to get stuck with a lemon that’s just been Armor-All-ed.  Get the vehicle information, go home and do your research, take a nap, do yoga and let your friends help you say “no” when needed.
• At the very least, get a receipt for your purchase.  If the seller doesn’t have one, create one for the transaction.  You will need this for tax and legal purposes. You say you won’t have to deal with taxes or legal issues?  Think again. You will always be subject to sales tax, whether or not anyone comes to collect.
• Again, if the seller doesn’t want to sign anything, walk away. Your other dream car is possibly right around the corner.
• Ultimately, trust your gut when deciphering all the information you can find.  If you are getting a vibe that says walk away, it’s probably not the enchiladas talking.

It makes sense to get help when making such a major purchase. Start with a credit union or other regulated organization, because they will happily sell you a car. If there is a local automobile dealers association, contact them for help.  Of course, they will try to sell you a new car, but stick to your guns. They, too, will happily sell you a car, new or used.

Also, don’t worry too much about your credit score if it’s low.  While important, there are so many sellers who really don’t care how good you look on paper.  They too will happily sell you a car. It’s true that your credit score will affect your interest rate, but honestly, even that is negotiable.  Stay tough.

Now here’s another twist to ponder: often, it is more practical and economical for you to buy a new car than a used car. If you can, run the numbers over a three-year period on the car of your choice and see if the used car ultimately saves you money.  Even with a stellar used car, you still may incur big repair costs in as little as one year.

Across most of the U.S., today is Tuesday, February 12. Workers will gather around water coolers to discuss the pope’s resignation, North Korea’s nuclear tests, and Kelly Clarkson’s awesome photobombing of America’s favorite lesbian couple.

In New Orleans, however, it is not just Tuesday, February 12. Here, and in a few other lucky cities like Mobile, Alabama, it is Fat Tuesday — or, literally translated, “Mardi Gras”. It’s the final day of the Carnival season, which begins every year on January 6 and ends 47 days before Easter.

Mardi Gras is a day of indulgence, a day of food, friends, and, of course, drinking. In New Orleans — home to one of your friendly Gaywheels staffers — locals hang up their keys and leave the driving to the police, the float-pullers, and the tourists who have to be back in their cubicles on Ash Wednesday.

For those who are unfortunate enough to be in that last number, we’re reprinting this handy-dandy Mardi Gras driving guide, which notes some of the many, many sights and obstacles you’ll face behind the wheel today. (Click on one of the highlighted areas to get the full scoop):

View Mardi Gras driving guide in a larger map

Although Volkswagen kicked off the whole retro thing in 1998 with the “New Beetle”, it doesn’t want you to think of the current third-generation Bug in those terms. To be honest, the New Beetle was anything but retro. Like the latest iteration, it rode on the most-advanced Golf architecture, driven by an engine over the front-driven wheels. It looked almost futuristic. With a new design that bridges the future-bubble with its iconic ancestor, the 2013 Beetle Convertible evolves.

Retro or not, designers went for a familiar look. It’s wider, lower, and longer to stretch the previous-generation’s bubbly personality — less cute and more butch, if a Beetle can be so. The windshield sits closer to the driver, more vertical, providing a sporty driving position and a stylistic connection to original Beetles. Power tops stow in stacked heaps over the rear spoiler and I’d want it no other way — as soon as spring arrives, that is.

Even though the exterior styling is less Toon Town than in years past, it fails to prepare your for the transformation inside. Gone are the three-picnic dash, arching windshield, and center control pod. Instead, designers fit in a small glovebox in the upper dash, body-color doortops and dash, and a large speedometer to make purists feel at home. I prefer VW’s high-quality leatherette seats to leather, especially when heated, for durability and repelling freak rain spurts. I would sell my two cats for the optional Fender audio system.

An array of powertrains should suit most drivers. Base Convertibles go with a 2.5-liter five-cylinder engine, mated exclusively with a six-speed automatic transmission that generates 170 horsepower and 21/27 mpg city/highway. Stepping up to the 2.0-liter turbo-four grants 200 horsepower, 21/30 mpg city/highway, and a choice between six-speed manual and DSG automatic transmissions. Diesel fans will dance in the street over the 2.0-litre TDI that generates 140 horsepower and 236 ft-lbs of torque. Best of all, fuel economy is rated 28/41 mpg city/highway — the most economical of any convertible available today.

I’ve driven the Turbo and it is a better choice, but there’s nothing wrong with the pep of our car’s 2.5-liter engine either. I’m sure I would enjoy the torquey diesel and its fantastic mileage even more. A light touch and sure-footed four-wheel independent suspension carve smooth moves. Much of the body structure and windshield frame were reinforced for a noticeably quake-free experience.

There’s no denying the Beetle Convertible’s popularity. VW sold 330,000 soft-top copies of the original Beetle over 32 years and almost 235,000 of the New Beetle Convertible in just eight years. Still, Beetle Convertibles are clearly not for everybody. No matter how enjoyable they are to drive, and as cool as they look, meat-shredding straight guys are unlikely to sign up. Good thing I’m not a meat-shredding straight guy. My partner and I owned a New Beetle and we both like this one much more.

The Beetle is nasty competition for other “non-retro” rides like the Chevy Camaro, Mini Cooper, Fiat 500, and Ford Mustang convertibles. Price as-tested came to $24,995.

2013 VW Beetle Convertible 2.5L
Four-passenger, FWD convertible
Powertrain: 170 hp 2.5-liter I5, six-spd auto transmission
Suspension f/r: Ind/Ind
Wheels: 17”/17” alloy f/r
Brakes: disc/disc fr/rr with ABS
Must-have features: Style, ride
Fuel economy: 21/27 mpg city/hwy
Assembly: Puebla, Mexico
Base/as-tested price: $24,995/24,995

The Cadillac Escalade is the Kim Kardashian of the auto world.

You know what I mean. It’s got great bone structure, it looks fantastic on the outside, [insert suggestive interior joke here], but it clearly craves attention. It’s flashy and a little bit trashy — and it’s perfectly okay with that.

To test out the 2013 Cadillac Escalade ESV Platinum, I enlisted the aid of two pals: my husband, who rides a Vespa, and our friend Peter, who owns a Honda Civic. If the Escalade could bring these two around to its way of thinking, I’d know I had a winner on my hands.

When I pulled up to my house, my husband was waiting on the front steps. He saw me in the driver’s seat and peered up and down the street, as if to say, “What will the neighbors think?” (To which I’d reply: “It’s 10:00 on a Saturday morning in the heart of the gay ghetto. The neighbors are asleep or at brunch. Or both.”)

Still, I understood his concerns. On our block, the award for Most Upscale Car either goes to our own Jeep or a 1970something hearse that an artist has converted into an ironic pimpmobile. The boxy Escalade ESV — tricked out in White Diamond paint and measuring 21 inches longer than a run-of-the-mill Escalade — was about the same length as the hearse, but its 22-inch chromed aluminum wheels made it stand out like a bead-covered college kid in town for his first Mardi Gras.

When Peter caught sight of us, he laughed long and loud. He stumbled back in the house to drag his groggy roommate out to look at the Escalade. He had the same reaction when the Oscar Meyer Weiner Mobile was last in town. Not such a promising response, I thought.

But from my teaching days, I knew all too well that you have to give folks time to adapt. In class, it took about 30 minutes before the newness of an exercise wore off and students began taking it seriously.

And that’s exactly what happened. To ensure we had plenty of quality time in the Escalade, I planned a full-day excursion to an outlet mall (which seemed like the natural habitat of the Escalade), and then to a late lunch/early dinner at a secluded restaurant out on the bayou. My colleagues had nothing to do but sit back and soak it all in.

By the time we reached the mall, they’d become quite comfortable in the Escalade’s cozy leather seats. My husband and Peter fired up the DVD player and stretched out in the third row to watch John Waters’ classic Desperate Living (an odd choice, but the first disc within reach as I walked out the door). The zoned AC meant that I could keep the front area toasty warm, while they chilled out in the back — literally. I even made use of the heated front seat, which I rarely get to do down here in Louisiana.

Then: shopping. Lots of it. Without going into embarrassing detail, I’ll just say that I will never want for ankle socks, apple corers, or aftershave ever again. I have the receipts to prove it.

Back to the car we went. I opened the smooth power liftgate, and we tossed an unholy number of shopping bags in the giant-sized cargo area. (Seriously, I’ve seen smaller kindergartens.) The day had warmed up by then, so I cracked open the Escalade’s sunroof to let in a little air for the hour-long drive to the restaurant.

Even when we hit bumpy stretches of road, the Escalade’s ride remained silky smooth. That’s likely because of the SUV’s Magnetic Ride Control, which reportedly “reads” the road every single millisecond, and when it detects a problem, requires only about five milliseconds to address it.

There was plenty of power to get us there, too, thanks to the Escalade’s 6.2-liter V8 engine, which churns out an impressive 403 hp. I didn’t get the chance to push the SUV to its limits, due to an unusually high number of highway patrolmen on the roads, but the pack of tigers purring under the hood made the Escalade’s potential obvious.

After several plates of hushpuppies, coleslaw, and more oysters than any of us knew what to do with, we headed home. While my two traveling companions napped, I tried to pick out a few of the Escalade’s flaws.

I’ll admit that in design terms, it’s not as sleek and angular as the rest of the Cadillac lineup. In fact, it’s a little ungainly, and the thought of parking it on a daily basis was enough to make my head spin. But folks who can afford the Escalade’s base price of $82,545 can probably shell out for a decent-sized parking space, too.

I had a few quibbles with the interior, too. It was beyond plush and comfortable, but there were a handful of touches that felt a tad fusty — not fussy, but fusty. I have a hard time seeing burled wood without thinking of cars my grandfather used to own. He would’ve liked the analog clock in the dash, too, which seemed deeply out of place, given the rest of the Escalade’s onboard tech.

Speaking of tech, the SUV’s navigation system gave me fits. It was very good at finding us on the road, but every time I tried to set directions,  it would flip the map upside down, so that south was at the top, and north was at the bottom. Funny how flipping a map on its head can be completely disorienting, even when it’s showing roads that you travel every day.

And of course, I’m obligated to mention the Escalade’s fuel economy, which clocks in around 14 mpg city and 18 mpg highway. (Thankfully, the SUV comes with a 31-gallon tank.) If I were to spring for one of these babies, I’d consider the hybrid model, which gets a more respectable 20 city/23 highway.

In sum, the Escalade is a great vehicle if you’re a big traveler and/or schlepper and you want to motor around in style and comfort. True, it’s not for the timid — shy and retiring types might be better suited for the Escalade’s more demure cousin, the GMC Acadia. But you only live once, and there’s nothing wrong with living it up while you’re here.

That said, rumor has it that the Escalade’s Kardashian qualities may soon going the way of the dodo: GM’s North American president Mark Reuss has revealed that the next-generation Escalade will be “much less ostentatious“. Get your flash while you can.

2013 Cadillac Escalade ESV Platinum
Pricing: From $82,545
Fuel economy: 14 mpg city/ 18 mpg hwy
Engine: Vortec 6.2-liter V8 with flex-fuel capability
Transmission: Rear-wheel drive, six-speed automatic (AWD available)
Passenger capacity: Eight
Assembly: Arlington, Texas

Ed. note: Kia is not a gay-friendly automaker.

I know I won’t get much, if any, sympathy when I say that, sometimes, there are letdowns when you review cars. The last car I evaluated was a $100,000, 400hp, German coupe. I’ve now stepped directly from that into a Kia Rio.

I’ll pause for your laughter.

For the price of the super coupe, you can buy 5.4 Kia Rios. Perhaps you could keep that .4 for spare parts.

But don’t let price fool you. Oddly enough, there is something about the way the Kia drives that beats the German car hands down.

If you guessed power, speed or luxury, then you’re either not familiar with these cars, or you’re three martinis into “lunch” at the bar. What the much cheaper Kia does have over the German car is steering feel. The coupe from Deutschland has 262 more horse power, yards and yards of leather, but in the Kia, I actually have some sense of what the front wheels are doing thanks to what I feel through the steering wheel. And I’ll take some feel over none any day.

If driving is something you enjoy, steering feel is pretty useful information to have when zipping through the corners. Even if driving is nothing more than a task for you, it’s nice to know when the front wheels feel like they’re about to lose traction. While no one would ever mistake the Rio for a sporty, corner-carving car, the Rio SX model has a sport-tuned suspension, 17-inch wheels, and light, responsive steering that, somehow, make this small, underpowered car a little fun to drive.

It’s like a go-kart, only with airbags, a trunk, and room for five passengers. Well, 4.5 anyway.

The main reason I say “a little fun to drive” is because of the 1.6-liter, 138hp four cylinder motor in the Rio. Those hot, 17-inch wheels on this Rio SX might make it look quick, but this hatchback ain’t going anywhere fast. While there is certainly power to be had from this little four-banger, you’ve got to rev the snot out of it to reach that power. Once the tachometer reads 4500-5000 rpm, then you approach something that could be considered acceleration.

In regular, everyday driving, the lack of power isn’t really an issue. You’ll get through the city, and around the highways, just fine. But in some situations, like passing on even a modest incline, you might think twice. As I attempted to scoot by an older, slower Nissan on a slight uphill, the pass happened in such slow fashion that I would’ve had time to say hello to the driver, ask if he was hungry, make a sandwich, and pass it over. Wait, did he want Grey Poupon?

So, we don’t have speed, but that should come as no surprise since this car is intended more for fuel efficiency. The Rio is rated for 28 mpg city, 36 mpg highway, and we observed a 31 mpg average with sporty driving habits and more highway driving than city driving. There is also an “eco” button you can press that reigns in the engine (and transmission shift points) for increased fuel economy.

Even though the fuel economy is fairly good, the tank in the Rio is pretty tiny at 11.3 gallons. If you have a long commute, you’ll still be filling up a lot, but at least you’ll only be pumping in 11 gallons each time.

If you want to know when that tank is about to run dry, it’s not a good idea to rely on the digital, remaining range readout in the gauge cluster. One moment, the Rio SX told me I could drive another 31 miles before I was out of fuel. Less than 5 minutes of regular driving later, it told me I had no range remaining.

Inside the Rio, it’s about what you’d expect in a $18,545 car. A nicely designed, mostly hard plastic interior, but with soft touch material in the right spots and a backup camera. Wait, what? A backup camera in a $18,545 car? Touch-screen nav too? Don’t forget the power fold mirrors. Though, in a car this narrow, I’m not really sure why you’d ever need to fold in the mirrors.

Of those features, it’s the backup camera that is almost a necesity due to the massive blind spots the stylish C-pillars create. Without a rear-facing camera, backing out of a parking spot involves more prayer than driving skill.

Normally, in cars of this price range, the seats suffer when it comes to comfort. Somehow, the chairs in the Rio manage not to do that. They certainly aren’t heavily padded or bosltered seats, but after three hours of wheeling, I was perfectly comfortable, and ready for three more.

Frankly, the best part of the Rio is how fantastic it looks. If you venture back even a few years ago and look at the cars Kia was producing then, you’d never have guessed this company was capable of designing something this good looking.

Not only does the exterior design trump the Scion xB, Honda Fit, Toyota Yaris and Nissan Versa, but it certainly holds its own against the Chevy Sonic and Ford Fiesta as well.

2013 Kia Rio SX 5-door – $17,700
-Carpeted Floor Mats – $95
-Destination – $750
TOTAL – $18,545

Competence. That’s the word that floods your mind when examining the 2013 Honda Accord. Our four-door Sport certainly isn’t the most flamboyant or fabulous car you can buy, but every inch and crevice gives the impression that it is substantial, ever-lasting. It’s the way Accords have always been.

That impression begins with the exterior. The styling cribs references from BMW (the raised hood, the Hofmeister kink in the side windows, the accentuated trunk), but is finessed with subtle use of LEDs and chrome up front, 18” alloys, and dual exhausts out back. The rear spoiler parts clean air. It looks like a $50,000 car — equally appropriate in suburbia and the executive garage.

The same could be said of the interior. There’s no overwhelming sense of French-stitched leather, but everything is well-made. Supportive cloth seats with lumbar adjustment, a leather-wrapped steering wheel, and large analog instruments encourage spirited drives. The center screen for audio and vehicle computer are controlled by a joywheel, but automatic climate control functions with buttons. A back-up camera, Bluetooth, SMS text messaging capability, and USB connection for iPods complete the technology suite.

But, using the Accord goes beyond function. Buttons and switches glide into place, giving a sense of quality. Even the turn signal is a delight to flip. Large cupholders are dressed with chrome, but are just large holes in the console that will hold anything. Who needs theatrics when simple works? Underway, it’s pure serenity. Nothing — and I mean nothing — squeaks or creaks. Find the roughest road you want, and all you’ll hear are four tires rumbling beneath. It proves there’s really no excuse for the half-ass finish of more expensive rides.

Honda’s core competency has always been powertrains. The base 2.4-liter direct-injected four-cylinder engine delivers 189 horsepower to the front wheels through a continuously-variable transmission (CVT). In some cars, CVTs rev like weedeaters and make you want to take a sledge hammer to them. Not so in the Accord. It sounds like a robust exhaust note and always seems to have the right ratio to match the engine’s revs and your brain’s next thought. Paddle shifters let you click through pre-determined “gears”. In addition to peppy performance, the car delivers 26/35 mpg city/hwy.

Sport models come with a firmly-tuned four-wheel independent suspension system and heavier, but direct, steering, which free the Accord’s inner soul. Most family sedans are tuned to understeer in corners, keeping mom from spinning on the way to dance practice. In contrast, the Accord always goes where you ask, and does so with a confidence that tells you it will never leave you rotating. It is a comfortable car that never forgets it is bred from world-beating motorcycles and the love of dedicated engineers.

My partner and I drove the Accord from Indianapolis to Detroit and back for the North American International Auto Show. He was peeved that we didn’t have satellite radio, and his spoiled ass had to settle into non-heated cloth seats, but that’s just him being pissy. Driving it on the Interstate, he had to admit it was an incredibly well-engineered car. Out of his mouth came one word: Competence.

2013 Honda Accord Sport
Five-passenger, FWD sedan
Powertrain: 189hp 2.4-liter I4, CVT auto transmission
Suspension f/r: Ind/Ind
Wheels: 18”/18” alloy f/r
Brakes: disc/disc fr/rr with ABS
Must-have features: Style, competence
Fuel economy: 26/35 mpg city/hwy
Assembly: Marysville, OH
Base/as-tested price: $21,680/24,980

The restyled fourth-generation Toyota RAV4 will begin arriving on our shores at the end of this month. The RAV4, which is credited with creating the compact crossover segment, returns with a totally restyled exterior and interior, as well as a new six-speed transmission and other refinements to a largely carried-over platform.

The overall dimensions of the 2013 RAV4 are very similar to its predecessor — same wheelbase, total length down two inches, overall height down about an inch and width reduced by .04 of an inch. However, the three-row version is gone, and the new generation is offered only as a five passenger vehicle in three trim levels: LE, XLE, and Limited. Both FWD and All Wheel Drive versions are offered.

The RAV4′s exterior has been totally restyled and is generally consistent with the look of current Toyota passenger car offerings. The front end is much more aerodynamic and also more carlike than its predecessor: the RAV4 may have started the Tonka Truck club, but it’s now much more Camry than Tundra. This means upright truck grilles and high hood lines have given way to curves and improved aerodynamics. The look is pleasing and sophisticated, and far less truck-inspired than before.

The biggest change on the exterior comes in the rear, where the cargo door has given way to a top-hinged rear liftgate, and the iconic outside-mounted spare has disappeared beneath the rear cargo floor. Score one for focus groups, but the result is a less distinctive design and diminished brand continuity: from the back it could be a Kia or an Audi. That aspect aside, the overall effect of the styling is contemporary and pleasant. It’s a handsome member of a crowded class, though not a standout.

Seventeen inch steel wheels are standard on the new RAV4, the XLE gets 17-inch alloys, and the Limited rolls on twin-spoke 18-inch alloys. A great deal of attention has been paid to airflow, including tailored corners, smooth-edged fascias, and even restyled front fender liners that maximize efficiency. The overall drag coefficient has been lowered from .334 to .329, which makes the RAV4 quieter as well as more fuel efficient.

But for all that, the real drama is on the inside, where the changes are impressive. The RAV4′s entire interior has been redesigned and taken upscale: the instrument panel has a baby Lexus feel, the materials are all soft to the touch, the sharpness of the steering column angle has been reduced, and the overall effect is very carlike.

The seats themselves are redesigned with a slim front seatback that improves rear knee room, and the rearward adjustment has been increased by .8 inches. LE and XLE models have cloth trim, but the Limited stands out here with hide-like SofTex trim and a two-toning pattern they call “Color Block”, which introduces an accent color to the seats, dash, and door panels. The effect ranges from subtle to outstanding: the Terra Cotta scheme is an attention-getter, the beige and gray much more subtle, and there is still a monochromatic black for those allergic to fashion. French stitching on the seats and instrument panels are also included on the XLE and Limited models, as well as a power moonroof.

The redesigned dash continues with Toyota’s current theme of spreading out in a horizontal fashion and raising the display screen as high as possible. Speaking of the screen, it’s a 6.1 inch color display with backup camera, HVAC, and audio integrated, and it comes standard on all models. The XLE and Limited offer optional integrated Navigation with Sirius/XM radio, HD Radio with iTunes tagging, advanced voice recognition and Text to speech capabilities, as well as Toyota’s Entune multimedia system with Bing, iHeart radio,and Pandora. Advanced JBL audio is also available on the Limited.

Safety has been given attention too, with eight standard airbags consisting of driver and front passenger, driver’s knee and passenger seat cushion, front seat side-mounted, and side-curtain airbags for front and rear passengers. If you’re getting the impression that a whole lot of attention has been paid to the look and feel of the interior, then you get it. With the recent influx of redesigned compact crossovers on the market, Toyota decided to step up its interior game.

As mentioned above, the RAV4′s basic platform has been retained, with a few changes made. The V6 offering was dropped, leaving the 2.5-liter four-cylinder engine as the sole power plant. It develops 176 HP and 172 ft-lbs of torque, and is mated to a new six-speed automatic transmission with three drive modes — Standard, Sport, and ECO — and a “Flex-Start” locking Torque Converter.

The result of these changes is improved fuel economy. The FWD is rated at 24 mpg city/ 31 mpg highway / 26 combined, while the AWD is rated at 22/29/25, or only one mile per gallon less than the FWD. That’s a two mpg improvement for the FWD and one mpg better as an AWD. With the V6 gone, and no talk of hybrid or diesel power, it looks like Toyota’s game plan is to extract the maximum efficiency from the RAV4′s 2.5-liter four and not try and address every niche in the marketplace.

One chassis statistic worth noting is ground clearance, which is now 6.2 inches, down 1.2 inches from last year. Again we see how much more carlike the RAV4 has become.

There are no surprises when you turn the key. The RAV4 is smooth, comfortable, and above all, carlike. There are no rough edges remaining. The engine is Toyota-smooth, of course, and adequately powerful. The six-speed automatic is most entertaining in Sport mode, and there are genuine differences in its behavior when ECO is selected. The seats are supportive and comfortable, the handling is predicable, and the ride is smooth. It would be an excellent choice for a cross country adventure. I did have the opportunity to take the AWD offroad briefly, and it seemed competent, but bear in mind we were in Scottsdale, not Moab, and this little cruiser is more suited for climbing the Beverly Hills.

It’s pretty evident under hard acceleration that the RAV4 is a four-cylinder vehicle, and in those moments you’ll click your heels together and wish for a turbo variant, but otherwise it’s quite smooth and effortless. The steering is noteworthy because although I generally hate electronic power steering, the engineers at Toyota have managed to increase feedback into the system (remember when we used to call it road feel?) and the result is an electronic system that isn’t a trip down Novocaine Lane.

In sum: the car that created the compact crossover craze has finally crossed over. Think of it as a tall, fuel efficient car that will haul all of the drag bags you can throw at it. Its strongest suits are a luxuriously appointed interior and Toyota reliability. Priced from $24,145 for the base LE to $29,255 for an AWD Limited, it should give the new kids on the block a run for their money.

2013 Toyota RAV4
Five-passenger FWD/ AWD crossover
Powertrain: 2.5-liter, four-cylinder VVT, six-speed automatic transmission
Fuel Economy- 24/31 FWD, 22/29 AWD
Suspension F/R- Ind/ Trailing arm
Wheels 17″/17″ steel (LE), 17′/17″ alloy (XLE), 18′/18′ alloy (Limited)
Brakes: disc/disc f/r with ABS
Must have features: Upscale interior, standard back up cam, legendary reliability
Base Price Range- $24,145 LE / $29,255 Limited AWD

Earlier today, I posted my list of “winners” from the 2013 Detroit Auto Show. But of course, you can’t have winners without a few losers. Here’s my selection of worst offenders. Scroll to the bottom of the page for a full gallery, if you must.

THE “NO, THANK YOU, MA’AMS”

Hyundai HDC-14 Concept

Seriously, what is this? Ugh, that face.

I thought Hyundai had been totally getting it lately with some gorgeous and cohesive designs like the Elantra, Azera, and Santa Fe.  Well, here’s the HDC-14 Concept, featuring a front end that makes me want to tear my eyes out. It’s odd because on top, we have a rather gorgeous, Audi A7-inspired roofline, with a graceful arch and just-right windows. Yet as we stumble down the sides we come to a grill and headlight arrangement that will surely haunt your nightmares. ENOUGH.

This concept is supposed to preview the new Genesis. I doubt it will look this terrible when the production version arrives. Or maybe Hyundai is being really smart and showing us something ugly so that when the much-better-looking production version arrives, we’ll all be elated that it doesn’t look a thing like the hideous concept.

It’s funny, I have a lot of respect for the Korean automakers, who’ve made giant strides in the industry in the past few years. It just seems like they have a lot of trouble designing an attractive front end. The Veloster, the Sonata Hybrid, the Tuscon: they all have weird, catfish-derived grilles that throw off an otherwise well-executed design. I know the designers want their cars to be more distinctive, but distinctly ugly is not what you want to be known for.

2014 Lexus IS

Oh, Lexus. I’m not even sure what to say here. I know you want to be one of the cool kids. You may even be one now, with the bizarre front end of the new IS. The only problem is that the folks lusting over your curiously designed wares will be 14-year-old PC gamers instead of the young urban professionals you want to attract. Looking like the Predator alien with really weird bifocals, the 2014 Lexus IS is aesthetically challenged, to say the least. The interior looks to be more of the same from the company, with a Yaris-like steering wheel and a weirdly plastic vibe. What more can I say? I don’t like it because it’s ugly, and that’s all, folks.

Acura MDX Prototype

I don’t really understand WHY Acura insists on showing “prototypes” rather than concepts or real production versions. Just like 2o12, when Acura showed the RDX and ILX prototypes, this year’s MDX prototype is pretty much 100% what the production model will be.

Stylistically, it’s more dull, dull Acura — sure to not offend anyone, but if this thing quickens your pulse then you must be a Slow Loris. Looking a bit like a Japanese Dodge Durango, the MDX is entirely, appallingly predictable. It could also easily be the next Honda Pilot, which does not bode well for a brand trying to market itself as upscale.

Also, I have to say that the jeweled headlights Acura is now making a design trait look unnervingly spider-like in person — like this thing is watching you with ALL its eyes, and it’s big ol’ beak mouth is HUNGRY. Beware.

Last week’s 2013 Detroit Auto Show was a whirlwind of premieres and press conferences. Thankfully, the long, three-day weekend gave me time to reflect and choose some winners and losers of the lot.

Below, you’ll find my best-in-show list. Scroll to the bottom of the page for a full gallery — and stay tuned this afternoon for the, um, not so fortunate.

THE “YES, PLEASE-ES” 

2014 Chevrolet Corvette 

Behold: the new, 2014 Chevrolet Corvette Stingray. It’s still a Corvette, only now it wants you to mistake it for a Ferrari. Not a bad thing.

The 2014 Chevrolet Corvette looks great in person, with a much more sculpted and intricate design than the last generation C6. The rear is especially changed, as Chevy has ditched the ubiquitous circular taillights and replaced them with some highly three-dimensional units, compete with “crying chola” tear-drop tattoo vents on each side. They look far better than my description may make them seem. (Scroll down to see them in the gallery.)

The interior is also a vast improvement on the truly horrible, econo-car interior of the previous, C6. The new interior is focused toward the driver — fitting for a super serious sports car. In fact, the controls are SO canted toward the driver that Chevy has provided the passenger with her own adorable set of climate and seat controls right below the right hand air vent. Awwwww.

I DO take issue with Chevy calling this iteration of the Corvette a Stingray though. Using that hallowed name is going to make many a baby-boomer’s eyes pop-out with anticipation, so I’m sure it’s a smart marketing move; I’m just not convinced this design truly says “Stingray.”

One area in which you won’t be mistaking the Corvette for a Ferrari is the price. Expect this puppy to start around $50,000 when it goes on sale later this year, and THAT my friends is what I like to call American ingenuity.

2014 Cadillac ELR

The extended-range electric Chevy Volt was a great start but let’s be real: it lacked the glamour to really set people’s hearts afire. Of course debuting the Voltec technology on its mainstream brand was a deliberate move on GM’s part, seeking to make the point that the future of alternative propulsion was not going to be reserved for the rich.

Well, guess what, you patient rich people: your extended range electric car is finally here! Was it worth the wait? Well just look at it. Let me answer for you: YES. The ELR is a clear evolution of the current Cadillac design language, with sharp creases married to soaring, fluid shapes. It works really well on the ELR and gives this car the visual gravitas it needs to turn heads. Of course those stunning (and standard?!) 20-inch rims add to the feeling every time you glance at the ELR. Inside, the ELR expands on Cadillac themes we’ve seen as well, though the materials and execution seem even richer than in the lesser models.

In my heart of hearts, though I really wish Cadillac had called this an “El Dorado.” I know I’m going to get people yelling that that’s an old person’s name, but whatever. It was badass sounding then, and it’s badass sounding now.

BMW 4-Series Concept

Stylistically, BMWs are still recovering from the wounds wrought upon them by Chris Bangle. Squawk all you want: Bangle’s designs for the Bavarian performance powerhouse may have been interesting, but they certainly weren’t attractive. Thankfully, the brand has been making a recovery and the new 4-Series concept shows BMW is pushing its design back into the realms of attractiveness.

Interesting and muscular side-detailing fits the demeanor of this compact sport coupe concept. My only real concern here is with that face. It’s a bit gawky in person and leans a little too forward and down resulting in an awkwardly dorky gaze. Also: too bad about the interior, which is shared with the standard 3-Series sedan, making it a bit downmarket compared to the competition.

Still, this is a solidly attractive entry for BMW, something that has been sorely missing from this company in the past decade. More like this please. 

Lincoln MKC Concept

The unveiling event for the Lincoln MKC was freaking bizarre. It was all pretty and nice until they opened the box containing the new crossover concept, and two young women emerged carrying long scarves covering the MKC Concept. It was like Cleopatra coming to Rome. Hopefully, unlike Cleopatra, the Lincoln MKC crossover won’t bring ultimate death and destruction to the the Ford empire. I certainly don’t think it will, because the Lincoln MKC Concept looks fantastic.

The MKC Concept offers a very clear glimpse of what the production Lincoln MKC crossover will look like when it hits the market in what I’m guessing will be about a year. A very well-conceived design, the Lincoln MKC includes a successful application of the brand’s new “flying” grill, as well as its newly re-adopted trademark full-width tail lights. So long as the proportions are maintained for production, Lincoln should have a winner on its hands. If Lincoln is smart, it’ll also include a hybrid version to entice some Lexus loyalists over to Lincoln-land.

Sidenote: I got the chance to speak with Soo Kang, the Korean born designer for the MKC (and MKZ) interior. She was a delight: funny, open, and genuinely excited about the product she help design. When asked about where the “champagne bubble” leather perforation pattern from the MKZ concept went in the production model, she assured me that she was working on something even cooler for the future that would indeed make it to production. Color me very intrigued.

Honda Urban SUV

The Honda Urban SUV Concept was a pleasant surprise at the show. Like it or not, Americans still have a taste for things called “SUV” and “crossover”, and Honda wants as big a piece of that pie as they can get. The Urban SUV Concept foreshadows what we can expect from their upcoming Fit-based crossover. It’s a pleasant little porker with clean styling and good proportions. Let’s hope they keep all of that for the production version.

Ed. note: Our own Sam Miller-Christiansen attended this week’s media preview of the 2013 Detroit Auto Show. Below, you’ll find a recap of his second day on the floor. Full disclosure: during his visit, Sam was the guest of General Motors, but he had plenty of time to explore offerings from other automakers at the show.

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If the first day of the Detroit Auto Show is like Christmas for car worshipers,  the second day is a bit like New Year’s Eve: it’s still a lot of fun, and there are some cool things to see, but you don’t get overloaded with presents. That’s not to say I didn’t have a great time, and there were definitely some interesting vehicles to be revealed, including…

Nissan Resonance Concept

Clearly, this is giving us some hints at what the next Nissan Murano will look like. A gorgeous car in its first generation, the second generation that’s currently on the road looks a bit like an alien insect with an eye problem. Does this Resonance Concept give me hope for the third Murano? Not quite. The Resonance looks like a sexy rodent with that big ol’ buck tooth up front. It’s also a little too fanciful and dreamy to be a direct indication of how the next Murano will look. The back made me think of a Juke, which is not a good thing. I’ll withhold further judgment until the production model arrives. That said, if you’re into really hot mice, this could be the ride for you.

Ford Atlas Concept

The Ford Atlas Concept is a big deal because it foreshadows the next generation of F-Series trucks, the second-best-selling vehicle in the U.S. after the Toyota Camry. It’s an understandable evolution, as Ford would never throw out its best-selling baby with the bathwater. The interior is also evolutionary, but appears more high-tech than what most truck buyers may be used to. The Atlas has a surprising emphasis on efficiency for a truck, employing technology like active grill and wheel shutters to reduce aerodynamic drag for improved fuel economy. Not the most exciting concept, but a very important one.

2014 Lexus IS

Those headlights: that’s what the new 2014 Lexus IS is all about. Lexus certainly took a chance with the bold headlight arrangement, which places the LED daytime running lights in front of the actual headlight pod. The problem is that it looks entirely contrived, and the entire design is a touch too busy. The IS reads like the punky teenage daughter of the Lexus tribe. Just last year she was sweet and kinda pretty, but this year she’s got piercings, eyeliner, and a bad attitude. The problem is that Lexus seems to have gone straight from “understated and bland” to “wacky and controversial” without finding that sweet spot in the middle of those two idioms. The interior is a step up but I can’t help but think “Yaris” when I look at that steering wheel.

2014 Cadillac ELR 

General Motors was majorly repping down on the Cobo Hall floor. Following up on the Corvette launch of the previous day, Cadillac revealed its ELR extended-range electric car on Tuesday. (Ed. note: Nick gave us a slightly longer look at the ELR earlier today.) It uses basically the same systems as the Chevy Volt, but DAMN this is one sexy electric scooter. The interior expands on the themes we’ve already seen in the ATS and XTS, but the ELR is a bit more luxurious than those whips, thanks to its gorgeous Opus leather. I don’t think the Volt has gotten nearly the amount of attention it deserves, but you can’t count on the gorgeous ELR to get the word out about GM’s industry-leading Voltec system.

Acura MDX Prototype

Stop being coy, Acura. This is 99% what the production MDX will look like — which means that apparently the next Acura MDX will look like a Japanese interpretation of the Dodge Durango, but with an ugly front end. Acura didn’t show the interior, but we can expect it to be a very safe evolution of the interiors we’ve already seen from the brand. What else can I say here? Yawn. Those lights are kinda interesting. No, actually they’re just gauche.

2014 Kia Cadenza

Someone better check on hell to make sure it hasn’t frozen over: Kia is now offering a near-luxury large car that can go head to head with the best in the business. From a design standpoint, the Cadenza seems like a mix of Audi and BMW styling cues (for better or worse). It’s an attractive whole, but not the strongest design to come out of Kia recently. The interior continues the Audi/BMW mashup theme, with upscale materials and great fit and finish. It’s a solid entry for Kia that will surprise many people, but how many shoppers will actually visit a Kia showroom looking for this kind of car? Only the sales charts will tell.

With the flashy and much-hyped introduction of the 2014 Chevrolet Corvette, General Motors could have coasted through the rest of this year’s Detroit Auto Show with relative ease. Instead, the U.S. auto giant took a step in a new direction, at least when it comes to imbuing the Cadillac luxury division with green vehicle credentials. Introduced on Tuesday, January 15, the Cadillac ELR is the brand’s first-ever plug-in hybrid vehicle, and possibly one of the most important models in Cadillac’s long history.

Based on the Chevrolet Volt, the four-passenger ELR coupe eschews the functionality of a five-door layout—as found in the Volt—for the visual punch of a coupe design. The result, which looks remarkably similar to the 2009 Converj concept car, makes the ELR arguably one of the best looking eco-themed vehicles on the market—or at least it will, once the extended-range electric Caddy goes on sale in early 2014.

With a 1.4-liter gasoline-powered four-cylinder engine and 16.5 kWh lithium ion battery, the ELR’s total output is a stout 207 horsepower. That’s a sizeable jump from the Volt’s 149 hp, though it’s likely that overall performance will be similar, since the luxury-laden ELR weighs about 300 pounds more than its Chevy counterpart. The ELR is capable of traveling 35 miles on electric power, before the gasoline engine kicks in to serve as an onboard generator and boost total driving range to 300 miles.

Pricing will be revealed closer to the ELR’s on sale date.

Ed note: Our own Sam Miller-Christiansen attended this week’s media preview of the 2013 Detroit Auto Show. Below, you’ll find a recap of his first day on the floor. Full disclosure: during his visit, Sam was the guest of General Motors, but he had plenty of time to explore offerings from other automakers at the show.

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The 2013 North American International Auto Show (better known as the Detroit Auto Show) is home to many new models, and the entire event has a more upbeat and progressive feel than in years past.

Of course the star of the show was the…

2014 Chevrolet Corvette

The mighty C7 Corvette has arrived and — surprise — it’s called the Stingray again! Its exterior design is an evolution from the precious generation, though the surface detailing is much more highly refined, and the circular taillights have been pretty much ditched for a more angular design. The interior is vastly improved, with upscale materials and detailing as well as advanced digital displays that can be customized to show whatever the driver desires (or, well, almost anything, winky face). It looks so fantastic you’ll probably want to light up a sparkler and sing “The Star Spangled Banner”. I certainly did.

Hyundai HDC-14 Concept

The HDC-14 Concept made me wish that Hyundai had kept the reveal sheet on, as it looked much better covered than it did when finally unveiled. On the positive side, there’s a gorgeous, arching roofline reminiscent of the Audi A7. It all falls apart from there with a flat-out hideous grill that looks like a dead catfish and a fussy rear. The interior was pure pie-in-the-sky concept, though apparently you can play poker on the infotainment screen in the center console, so at least there’s something for gambling addicts. The HDC-14 is supposed to foreshadow the new Genesis sedan design. Let’s hope Hyundai’s designers get their eyeglass prescriptions fixed by that time.

(Ed. note: Hyundai is not a gay-friendly automaker.)

2014 Infiniti Q50

Replacing the G-Series in Infiniti’s lineup is the Q50. Infiniti appears to be playing it safe here with very evolutionary styling and a rear that looks a bit too much like the Hyundai Sonata for its own good. Inside, the Q50 is surprisingly more of the same, with a safe and already-seen-before feel. A touchscreen system, similar to that found in the Honda Accord, makes its first appearance in an Infiniti product and is called InTouch (har har). The Q50 will arrive with conventional and hybrid power plants, marking the first time Infiniti will offer a hybrid in this class.

Lincoln MKC Concept

The next link in the chain for Lincoln’s revival, the MKC Concept, gives us a very good idea of what to expect from the company’s upcoming crossover entry. It’s a cleanly executed design, with the signature Lincoln grill up front and full-width taillights ’round the rear  It’s going to be crucial for Lincoln to have a strong contender in the crossover market, and the MKC concept looks fantastic. Inside, the design is much the same as that on the MKZ introduced last year. It may not be distinctly a Lincoln, but it is distinctly attractive, and that’s very good news for Ford’s luxury brand.

Toyota Corolla Furia Concept 

I suppose the Corolla is now furious or something. I’m not quite sure what Toyota is trying to convey with the name of this concept, but clearly it’s supposed to foreshadow the upcoming new Corolla, which we’ve only had to wait about 100 years for. Imagine this concept but stripped of everything that makes it interesting or attractive and you have the next Corolla. Yay!?

Honda Urban SUV Concept

Think of the Honda Urban SUV Concept as a Fit crossover and you wouldn’t be far off. The Urban SUV concept is pleasantly proportioned and cleanly styled, though I do take issue with the slightly wacko grill-bleeding-into-headlights treatment up front. It’s not pretty on the CR-V, and it’s not pretty here either.

Volkswagen CrossBlue Concept

The CrossBlue Concept is a first look at the seven-seat crossover VW is developing especially for us wagon-hating Americans. This will be the second model built in VW’s state-of-the-art Chattanooga, Tennessee plant. Visually the CrossBlue reads like a slightly higher Ford Flex but with a more mainstream design than the Ford. VW actually wants this thing to sell. The interior is a bright spot, with clean, upscale looking design throughout. Can’t wait to see the production version.

BMW 4 Series Concept

The 4-Series Coupe Concept is a very strong indicator of what we can expect from the production 4-Series Coupe when it is unveiled later this year as a replacement to the 3-Series Coupe currently on the lots. The 4 Concept is striking in person, with a taught, muscular body and a bold (though slightly sloppy-looking) face. Interior is lifted straight from the new 3-Series sedan. Pity.

Five minutes after the photo session with the 650i came to an end, my phone rang. It’s Mark, the guy who was driving the Bimmer while I snapped pics.

“Chris, something is wrong with my car. It feels slow, I must be towing a big trailer.”

There was no trailer. Mark had just stepped from a 400hp, twin-turbo BMW into a 2005 Ford Expedition XLT. All 5352 pounds of it.

“I’ll never enjoy driving this again. I’m blaming you.”

Oh, um…alright, then.

Misbehavin’

Apart from permanently ruining a man’s truck, the 650i encourages you to behave in ways your fellow motorists might not fully appreciate.

You’ll creep up behind that Rav4, with only the “halo” LED lights on, stalk it like prey, then drop two gears and hammer past it in even the shortest passing lane. But when you have this much thrust on tap, short passing lanes suddenly turn into “Oh, I can make that!” lanes.

The main source for that urge to misbehave comes from BMW’s twin-turbo, 4.4L V8 engine, good for 400hp and 450 lb-ft of torque. While those 400 ponies are undoubtedly great, you also get all the available torque very early in the rev range (1750 rpm.) Simply put, the power delivery is immediate, fierce, and will pin you against the seat when you mash the pedal on the right.

In addition to the speed, hammering the accelerator summons a gurgling, satanic symphony of power, emanating from the huge tailpipes. It’s a sound that is as addictive as it is bad for your fuel economy. Living close to a long tunnel should be a prerequisite for own this car, as tunnel blasting will become your newest, loudest, most favorite hobby.

When it comes to handling, the 650i encourages you to bend the rules once again and take the corner posted 20mph at 45mph. It’s something this BMW is certainly capable of, as it offers large amounts of grip, very flat cornering, and…almost no steering feel whatsoever. That last bit can be a problem.

As is the case with many new cars, the 650i has electric power steering. A nasty side effect can be little to no steering feel. It made for a pretty numb steering wheel in the new 5-series, and it’s done exactly the same thing to the 6-series.

Wheeling the 6’er through the bends is a hard feeling to describe. “Strange” might be the most accurate word. With no steering feel, it’s difficult to tell when your cornering speed might get too fast, and your grip of the road will cease to be. You almost have to rely on listening to whether the tires are just “singing” through the corner, or screeching and about to let go.

With less sensory input to react to, it’s tough to know whether you’ll make it through the corner gracefully and power out of it, or if you’ll be sucking on the airbag after skidding off the road and into that maple tree.

But hey, either way, it’ll be exciting.

Technology, anyone?

Once you set butt inside the new 6-series, there’s an awful lot of technology waiting for you. Some of it is cool, some of it is mediocre  and some of it doesn’t really work.

Any tech talk about a BMW car almost certainly involves the often controversial iDrive interface system. It’s a setup that’s been through several revisions, and the net result of that is…it still sucks. It certainly sucks less than the earlier versions, but iDrive still has tons of endless menus that aren’t very intuitive to navigate.

The week before I drove the 650i, a friend of mine said I’d be totally wowed by the heads up display offered in this BMW. It projects your speed, along with several other bits of information, on the windshield near your normal line of sight. Since a BMW is not an F-22 Raptor stealth fighter, I was skeptical as to how useful this really was. After one day of using it, I was totally sold on the HUD. Sure, it will help you keep your eyes more on the road, but really, it’s just the cool factor that makes you want it. On the downside, the HUD can be very hard to see if you’re wearing polarized sunglasses.

One of the latest automated technologies making its way into luxury cars are the automatic high beam lights that turn themselves on and off as other cars approach you. Much like the earlier days of rain-sensing wipers that never seemed to get wiper speed right, these auto brights just aren’t there yet. Sometimes they worked, sometimes they would turn themselves off when I was the only one on the road.

Heaps of style

Once you’re past all the technology, you might notice you’re sitting in one of the nicest, most luxurious interiors out there at the moment. While I’ll let the photos do most of the talking, there is leather and contrast stitching everywhere. The dash flowing into the center console is incredibly elegant, and the seats adjust 20 different ways to mold to your body. It is a really, really nice place to be. Unless of course you’re in the back seat. Then it’s best not to have legs since there’s nowhere to put them.

On the outside, the sleek elegant design continues with an incredibly attractive posterior, strong character lines highlighting the profile, and a front end that’s gone a bit wrong.

While this new 6-series is certainly much more attractive than the rounded-off, last-generation model, the front fascia on this latest model feels a bit over-styled. There’s just too much going on, especially when you opt for the M-sport package.

Sign here

Should you buy one? Yes, buy it for the sound that comes out of the exhaust pipes alone. Never mind the exquisite interior, good-but-numb handling, and rev-happy, twin-turbo V8. It’s certainly no sports car, but it’s grand tourer worthy of your checkbook.

The biggest reason not to buy one? The way this 650i xDrive was spec’ed, you could be in an M6 coupe for only five grand more.

And if you’re spending 100 grand on a 6-series, well, what’s another five?

2012 BMW 650i xDrive Coupe – $86,000
-Cold Weather Package – $750
-Driver Assistance Package – $3,330
-M-Sport Package – $4,440
-20” wheels with performance tires – $1300
-Premium Sound Package – $1800
-Instrument Panel with Leather – $1500
-Ceramic Controls – $650
-BMW Apps – $250
-Destination – $875
TOTAL as-tested price – $100,825

Yes, it’s Friday — but not just any Friday. It’s the Friday before one of the biggest car events of the year: the North American International Auto Show, better known as the Detroit Auto Show.

We’re cleaning our keyboards and polishing our cameraphones to bring you a glimpse of the newest, quirkiest, most interesting stuff from the floor of the 2013 auto show. In the meantime, here are a few tidbits to tide you over until the full motor meal is served next week.

1. We don’t read German, but thankfully, the Autowäsche 2013 wall calendar needs no translation. Because unlike Esperanto, men in their underwear leaning on awesome cars is an international language. [h/t John Voelcker]

2. Coming out isn’t something that LGBT folks do once, then go on about their lives. We do it every single day. As we saw yesterday in a recently unearthed newspaper article written by current Newark, NJ mayor Corey Booker in 1992, the straight public’s feelings toward LGBT Americans often change once they’ve met one of us. So, here’s some great advice: never lie about who you really are.

3. When people think of great Hollywood cars, they often think of James Bond’s Lotus Esprit from The Spy Who Loved Me, or the Ford Mustang Steve McQueen drove in Bullitt. But we have a soft spot for Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, which could not only fly, but its name is great for puns. Here’s an infographic with a few more awesome rides from Tinseltown:

Even while tearing up German race tracks with the hyper-powered CTS-V and compact ATS sport sedan, Cadillac maintains traditional luxury vigilance with the XTS. It does so with style and technology that are second to none.

It’s a pretty sexy car. There’s the big satin-silver eggcrate grille, stacked headlamps, and long roof that flows into the decklid. Dual exhaust outlets go through the rear bumper, 20” alloys fill the flanks, and illuminated door handles welcome you at night. God save Cadillac, there are proper fins out back. It is one of the best-looking Cadillacs in decades. I couldn’t help staring at it like it was a ’67 Eldorado.

The interior is handsome too. Our test car came with dark gray wood trim, contrasting jet black and wheat leather, and purple stitching in the seat and doors — pretty pissy. Beige light seeps from the dash and doors at night. Heated/cooled leather seats, limo space in the rear, and a hushed cabin add comfort. Bose audio, with speakers in the front seats, creates the ambiance of a theater.

My partner loved fondling the CUE system. The instrument cluster is actually a re-configurable LCD screen. An iPad-sized center touchscreen scrolls with the swipe of a hand, but goes one further by gently thumping your finger to confirm selections. Slide your finger along the chrome strip beneath to adjust volume. Beyond CUE, the XTS is available with a multi-color heads-up display system for speed, engine revs, radio setting, and safety alerts.

If that isn’t completely overloading, wait until all of the safety systems activate. Forward collision, rear cross traffic, blind spot, and lane departure alerts keep the car beeping and flashing warnings. Should drivers fail to take heed, the car automatically brakes to avoid a collision. Rump-shaker seats notify your posterior when you’re about to do something dumb-ass stupid — like back into an object. It’s a bit much.

Cadillacs were once exclusively powered by V8 engines, but the XTS is driven by a 304hp 3.6-liter V6 connected to a paddle-shifted six-speed automatic transmission. It provides enough power, but turbos wouldn’t hurt. All-wheel-drive is standard. Fuel economy rates 17/26 mpg city/hightway, but I’d be all for an eAssist hybrid version to touch the mid-30s.

Modern handling comes by way of real-time adjusting Magnetic Ride Control and rear air springs. The chassis provides comfort over rough pavement, but also a willingness to perk up for the right country road. Brembo discs stand by up front as a sentinel against excessive speed. Interstates are swallowed with ease.

Despite the Brembos and AWD, the XTS is no sport sedan. When all of the creased sheetmetal is peeled back, it rides on essentially the same architecture that cradles the Buick LaCrosse and 2014 Chevy Impala. Comfort was prioritized over setting records on Germany’s famed Nurburgring. The XTS handles well, but it definitely will not challenge a CTS-V for enthusiasts’ attention.

All considered, the XTS is a modern full-size Cadillac. It is not the flagship sedan that GM’s luxury brand eventually needs, but it handily carries the torch in the breach.

Prices for the XTS start at $44,075, but our loaded Platinum Collection model came to $60,385.

2013 Cadillac XTS
Five-passenger, AWD sedan
Powertrain: 304hp 3.6-liter V6, six-speed automatic transmission
Suspension f/r: Electronic Ind/Ind
Wheels: 20”/20” alloy f/r
Brakes: disc/disc fr/rr with ABS
Must-have features: Style, technology
Fuel economy: 17/26 mpg city/hwy
Assembly: Oshawa, ON
Base/as-tested price: $44,075/60,385

Although I’m not usually one to act on impulse, something deep inside of me wants to throw caution to the wind and fly away with a muscular stud. He could take me anywhere, so long as we’re going there quickly and with a modicum of style. Frank Sinatra singing in the background would make me swoon.

I’d prefer that stud to come in human form, of course, but in a pinch, I’d settle for a BMW M5.

It certainly qualifies with its hot body. Wide haunches fill out with 20” alloys, sporting performance tires that accentuate dual exhausts poking out the rear and an aggressive front facia that feeds volumes of air to the engine. Even sitting at the coffee shop during my test drive, it drew attention, but it comes off as an athletic aristocrat more than a boisterous jock.

Riding inside the M5 is roughly equivalent to joining the Mile High Club in a Gulfstream jet: it can be a little bumpy, but the surroundings are divine. There’s enough suede and high-grade leather to scare a bovine herd. It smells delicious. Travelers are further spoiled by a heated steering wheel, front and rear heated seats, airline-style wrap-around headrests, four-zone climate control, soft-close automatic doors, and active front seats to counter cornering forces. Sinatra never sounded better than on the hi-fi audio system.

I know BMW is married to its defiled iDrive system, but I pray for a divorce. True, iDrive can do almost anything you desire of it, but a more frustrating automotive device was never created. (Well, unless we’re talking about the over-engineered cupholders. Knobs and deep holes work fine, people.) Safety is enhanced by side- and top-view cameras for a God’s-eye view of your surroundings, while a multi-color heads-up display with tach and speed keeps your eyes focused when digits accumulate quickly.

And, boy, do they! Under the hood, the twin-turbo 4.4-liter V8 generates 560 horsepower and thumps from 0-62 mph in 4.4s. Skip the seven-speed manumatic transmission and grip the six-speed manual instead. It’s the one thing in the car that requires no coaching — and it works beautifully. No matter what you’ve driven in a past life, this car is smack-your-ass fast. And smooth. So what if it ekes out a meager 15/22 mpg city/highway?

Just like certain studs of our acquaintance, the M5 can be a temperamental prima donna. If you live in cold climates, change out the summer tires in September to avoid anything wet. This car doesn’t even like humidity. Slick streets will work the stability control system breathless.

You can adjust the chassis, steering, and engine three ways from Sunday. Leave all three in “Comfort” and the car is all about easy cruising. “Sport” firms up the steering/suspension and gives the throttle more attitude. In “Sport Plus”, you’ll need strength training to draw the sedan’s most amazing abilities.

The M5 is the quintessential renaissance car. It can burst down the Autobahn, but is happy taking four well-heeled guests to the opera. I’m sure BMW owners geek out over the car’s excessive engineering, but a little less would make it so much more. While Sinatra crooned about a Lincoln, he would have preferred driving the M5. With the right man, I’d take one to the moon.

Prices start at $89,900, but our gadget-laden rocket came to $103,995.

2013 BMW M5
Five-passenger, RWD sedan
Powertrain: 560hp 4.4-liter turbo V8, 6-speed manual transmission
Suspension f/r: Electronic ind/ind
Wheels: 20”/20” alloy f/r
Brakes: disc/disc fr/rr with ABS
Must-have features: Speed, comfort
0-62mph: 4.4s
Fuel economy: 15/22 mpg city/hwy
Assembly: Dingolfing, Germany

My former boss, who is still afflicted with a Saab 900 Turbo he purchased new in ’87, came to my office looking for the keys to the Golf R I was driving. Apparently, it’s on his short list of new cars. He’s also a fan of the Audi A5, BMW 3-Series coupe, and various Porsches. The fact that somebody who understands serious German pedigree puts the R on his list tells you a lot about the R. Think of it as a po’ ‘mo’s Porsche.

The 2013 Volkswagen Golf R looks like a slightly-melted version of the same two-box design Giorgetto Giugiaro penned for Volkswagen when it was preparing the first-generation Golf/Rabbit in 1974. It’s a shape almost as iconic as the Beetle’s. R models sport sinister lower front splitters, large black grilles, exaggerated ground effects, a rear spoiler, and twin center-mounted chrome exhaust outlets — all placed over 18” alloys and low-profile tires.

But you can’t truly understand this car until you step into all 256hp of 2.0-liter turbocharged, all-wheel-drive whoopee that expresses its joy through a throaty burble in the pipes. In a Corvette, that’s not a lot of power. But, in a lightweight commuter car, it will make you giggle like your partner touched your special spot. The fact that the R’s six-speed manual transmission comes with a light clutch and precise action only makes it better. Toss it into a corner and the four-wheel independent suspension sachets through. I could rail on it all day long, but would settle for just the drive to work and back. Fuel economy (theoretically) rates 19/27 mpg city/hwy.

For better or worse, the interior is pure German. Nothing is frivolous, but everything is well-made. R models come with deeply-bolstered, heated leather seats, a thick flat-bottom steering wheel, automatic climate control, and a premium audio system with CD and satellite radio. Alloy pedals and a leather-wrapped shift knob imply performance. Large analog gauges keep your eyes on the prize. Unlike in some other highly-revered German iron — thank Bavaria — there’s no joywheel-controlled multi-menu nonsense.

I started to imagine what other VWs should get the R treatment. A Jetta R would be an obvious winner, but so would a Jetta SportWagen R, Eos R, or Tiguan R — all vehicles that share the Golf’s basic architecture. The wagon would especially charm my little car-geek soul. What I really love about the R is that you have a balls-out touring car that is every-day practical.

Here’s the ugly part. Our two-door, no-nav edition retails for $34,760. If you’re willing to give up 56hp, you can knock $10,000 off the tag and fly GTI. You’ll get much of the same car, but it won’t cause you to heckle yourself happy. With the Golf R, it’s all about the driving experience. Just think of it as a Porsche for half the price.

Who knows what my boss will buy? His recent promotion may ease a Porsche into the garage, but he’d have no shame in buying the Golf R. Either way, don’t worry — the cool-ass Saab is safe and sound.

2013 VW Golf R
Five-passenger, AWD sedan
Powertrain: 256hp 2.0-liter turbo-four, six-speed manual transmission
Suspension f/r: Ind/Ind
Wheels: 18”/18” alloy f/r
Brakes: disc/disc fr/rr with ABS
Must-have features: Speed, utility
Fuel economy: 19/27 mpg city/hwy
Assembly: Wolfsburg, Germany
Base/as-tested price: $33,990/34,760

It’s December 31: time to chill the champagne, dust off our cummerbunds, and prepare a list of New Year’s resolutions that we’ll start living by tomorrow. You know, just as soon as we get some nasty habits out of our systems tonight.

It’s also a great time to look back at Gaywheels’ most popular posts for 2012. As always, the most popular page on Gaywheels.com was our list of gay-friendly (and shrinking list of gay-unfriendly) automakers. Also drawing traffic this year: one of our 2012 Detroit Auto Show galleries (the one featuring the Chevy Camaro Hot Wheels edition), and a post that poses that eternal question, Is The BMW 7-Series The Gayest Car In LA?

But of course, that’s not all. Car reviews are our bread and butter here at Gaywheels, and it’s why many — if not most of you — drop by. Here are our most-viewed reviews of 2012.

1. 2011 VW Golf GTI vs. 2011 VW Golf TDI
2. 2007 Mitsubishi Outlander
3. 2010 Cadillac Escalade ESV Platinum
4. 2007 Nissan Quest
5. 2013 Subaru XV Crosstrek: The Way Around Cliche
6. 2013 Chevrolet Malibu ECO
7. 2010 Chevrolet Camaro SS
8. Driven: 2013 Subaru Outback With EyeSight
9. 2013 Audi A5 And The Face That Will NOT Be Ignored
10. 2011 Subaru Impreza WRX and WRX STI

Thanks so much for being such loyal readers and supporters. We look forward to entertaining and engaging you for many more years to come.

Have a safe and happy New Year’s holiday, and we’ll see you later this week as we gear up for the 2013 Detroit Auto Show!

It’s difficult to over-state how dramatically different the aerodynamically-tuned Taurus was upon its 1986 debut. I remember seeing the television commercials and sitting up with a gasp. It defined futuristic and still cuts a swath a quarter-century later. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation would not have split as many sides without it — either hauling that Christmas Sequoia or flying through a snow bank.

Now, after decades of neglect, the latest model is again a very cool car that innovates.

During the recent re-style, designers gave the Taurus an aggressive stance, shortened the side windows for a sexier profile, and tapped into Galaxy heritage for the square tail lamps. The high trunk conceals a boudoir that could bed at least four Jimmy Hoffas -– maybe more with the rear seats flipped. Integrated dual chrome exhaust tips, 19” alloys, and canted headlamps wax sinister.

Interior stylists gave the Taurus a twin-cowl dash as in the Mustang, but angled it way forward for the feeling of a muscle ship command center. Our test car had MyFord Touch with SYNC that ditches traditional buttons for touch points on the center stack and voice controls for audio, navigation, climate, and other functions. The system is not a darling of Consumer Reports, but seemed relatively easy to use. Heated front seats, leather-wrapped steering wheel, dual-zone climate control, and ridiculous rear seat space poshed out the joint.

Real innovation lands under the hood. The big poppa is moved by a 2.0-liter turbocharged four-cylinder engine that delivers 240 hp and 22/32 mpg city/hwy. I should have noticed the “EcoBoost” label on the decklid, but drove it home wondering why the six-cylinder engine had suddenly become so smooth and rich with torque. The Taurus with EcoBoost is no Shelby Cobra, but it commands considerable street cred among other full-size four-doors, proving that you don’t need a big engine for big grins.

Much of the car’s chassis was cribbed from the Volvo S80/XC90 architecture and is shared with the Lincoln MKS/MKT and Ford Explorer/Flex. That bestows the full-size American car with sophisticated European behavior. It’s difficult to tame the big wheels as they rumble over rough roads, but the four-wheel independent suspension does a good job of maintaining composure.

As with the big Volvos, safety performance is world class and earns an Insurance Institute for Highway Safety Top Safety Pick. There’s a ton of high-strength steel, thick doors, and beefy roof pillars to fortify the passenger compartment. To prevent contact in the first place, the Taurus is available with adaptive cruise control that uses radar to scan 600 feet ahead. Using the same radar, the collision warning system with brake support blinks red lights beneath the windshield and pre-charges the brakes should an accident seem imminent. Blind spot and cross-traffic alert systems further warn drivers of danger.

Books have been written about how the original Taurus saved Ford’s ass in the ‘80s. The big car with a powerful little heart may not set the club a-dancing, but it is still a very formidable ride. That’s almost enough to justify the $35,180 as-tested price.

2013 Ford Taurus
Five-passenger, FWD sedan
Powertrain: 240hp 2.0-liter turbo-four, 6-speed automatic transmission
Suspension f/r: Ind/Ind
Wheels: 19”/19” alloy f/r
Brakes: disc/disc fr/rr with ABS
Must-have features: Style, convenience
Fuel economy: 22/32 mpg city/hwy
Assembly: Chicago, IL
Base/as-tested price: $26,600/35,180

Procrastination is a wonderful thing. It helps us ignore deadlines and convinces us that our lives are super-important and way busier than they really are. It’s like a stress-reliever and an ego-boost all in one — and it’s a heck of a lot cheaper than therapy.

But believe it or not, procrastination also has a downside. Anecdotal evidence suggests that procrastination can prevent you from accomplishing things — important things like, say, buying Christmas presents for friends and family.

If you know someone who’s fallen prey to the I’ll-do-it-later bug this holiday season, never fear: we have three last-minute gift ideas that are sure to please nearly everyone on your your friend’s list. And given our own inclinations here at Gaywheels, it should come as no surprise that these goodies are especially good for car fans.

1. A charitable donation
Let’s face it: most of us have way too much stuff. We don’t need another toaster or a scented candle or a set of holiday dishrags. Making a charitable gift in someone’s name is thoughtful, tasteful, and it won’t take up any room in the recipient’s already cluttered house. For the auto aficionado, consider a gift to Racing for Kids, which “is designed to use the increasing popularity of motorsports to focus public attention and funding on the health care needs of children”. There’s also Meals on Wheels, which delivers over 1,000,000 meals every day to seniors and shut-ins across the country. Best of all: you can nab this gift from the comfort of your own living room.

2. Car care goodie bag
For this one, you’re going to have to venture out into the world — something you might not want to do on Christmas Eve. But worry not: today’s worst crowds will be at malls, not at car-care stores. Just put on some sweats; dash over to Auto Zone, Pep Boys, or your store of choice; grab a quick mix of wax, upholstery cleaner, oil, fuel treatment, and other everyday stuff; then wrap everything up in a chamois cloth your recipient can use to shine his or her ride. For an added touch, use a paper air freshener as a gift tag. Your move, Martha Stewart.

3. Netflix
As much as we love our cars, we can’t spend every waking hour driving, cleaning, and modding them out. Sometimes, we just want to stretch out on the sofa and watch Vin Diesel flex his biceps as he boosts hot cars. Giving someone on your list a subscription to Netflix allows them to do just that. Or if they prefer, they can always draw the curtains and snuggle up to everyone’s second-favorite Christmas movie, Miracle on 34th Street. (Sadly, Auntie Mame isn’t available on instant queue.)

No matter your religious affiliation — or lack thereof — have a great week. We’ll be back in a couple of days with more great car news and reviews.

I’m going to come right out and say it: the 2013 Chevrolet Cruze Eco was the most fun car I’ve driven in a very long time.

That may cause some of you to question whether I get out enough. (I don’t.) It may cause some of you to question whether I’m feeling all right. (I’m just getting over some sinus issues, thanks for asking.) But trust me when I say that the Cruze Eco is like Bob from Accounts Payable: a little conservative, a little on the quiet side, but get him home, and you discover that there’s a tiger in that tank. Let the romance begin.

For starters, the 2013 Cruze Eco is powerful. I reviewed the 2012 Cruze last spring, and while I didn’t particularly care for the turbo on the LT model I was driving, I found the car to be a comfy, solid ride at a very reasonable price. I was expecting more of the same from the 2013 Eco — great little car with a moderate powertrain — but after one caress of the accelerator, and I realized that I was in for some very wild nights.

The Cruze Eco comes with a whopping nine trim packages, from the LS manual (starting at $17,130) all the way up to the LTZ automatic (starting not much higher, at $23,550). My Eco automatic sat right in the middle, with a starting price of $20,875 and a 1.4-liter turbocharged engine that cranked out a modest-sounding 138 hp and 148 ft-lbs of torque.

But unlike my 2012 model, I experienced no turbo-lag at all this go-round: it was pure power, right out of the gate. And the Cruze Eco offers vroom-vroom without scrimping on fuel economy. My six-speed automatic was rated at 26/39 mpg, while the Eco manual earns a jaw-dropping 28/42 mpg. That’s on par with some hybrids we could mention.

Like many Chevrolet models, the Cruze Eco offers a dual clutch transmission (or in Chevy parlance “Driver Shift Control”), which allows you to do some of the shifting yourself while leaving your left foot flat on the floor. Of course, if you really like the stick, the Cruze comes with four manual transmissions to suit every taste and budget. But if your partner doesn’t know how to drive one (mine doesn’t), Driver Shift Control is a nice middle ground, offering all the fun of shifting without the pain and sorrow of teaching someone you love how to work a clutch.

The other thing I noticed was that the Cruze Eco felt roomy and — dare I say it? — even airy. The windows were large enough to offer a good view of my surroundings, and the cockpit was sexy-cozy without being cramped. For entertainment, the Eco comes standard with a color-touch radio, featuring a seven-inch screen and Chevrolet MyLink, which syncs with smartphones using Bluetooth. Pandora and Stitcher are built in, so endless streams of music, news, and Ira Glass are just a click away. The optional Rear Vision Camera (part of the $770 Driver Convenience Package) helped more with parallel parking than I might’ve thought.

That said, as with most romances, there was some room for improvement. For example, on the ergonomic front, I found it a little difficult to climb out of the Cruze. I know, I know: I’m not as young and spry as I used to be, but I’ve kept up with my yoga (Jivamukti all the way, baby), and I still had to do some stretching to get in and out of the driver’s seat.

Speaking of seats, I wasn’t a fan of the Cruze Eco’s upholstery, which spread all the way to the dashboard. The webbed texture was interesting to look at, but I think I’d grow tired of it pretty quickly. Also, it tended to get dirty fast — and that was with just me and my husband in the car. I can only imagine what it would look like after a road trip with my three hounds. (If you’ve ever left a fleece hoodie unattended around a dog or cat, you know what I’m talking about.)

But those are minor flaws. Over time, I’m sure I could’ve found a seating position that would’ve allowed me to exit the vehicle as gracefully as Anne Hathaway, rather than Britney Spears. I don’t know how I’d overcome the upholstery issue, since the 2013 Eco doesn’t seem to offer anything other than the cloth seats I encountered, but keeping a couple of lint brushes handy would be a small price to pay for such a fine romance.

2013 Chevrolet Cruze Eco
Powertrain: Ecotec 1.4-liter turbo-four with 138 hp and 148 ft-lbs of torque
Transmission: Six-speed manual or automatic 
Fuel economy: 26/39 mpg (automatic) or 28/42 mpg (manual) 
Assembly: Lordstown, Ohio
Base price range: $17,130 - $23,550
As-tested price: $24,470

Despite what you might see at the local fashion mall or pissy bistro, there’s no law requiring anybody to spend a queen’s ransom for a luxury crossover. Between downsizing Boomers and their disaffected kids who just don’t give a damn, there’s a big trend towards unpretentious luxury. For them, there’s never been a crossover like the Buick Encore.

The Encore’s toothy grin clearly identifies it as a Buick. Standard 18” wheels anchor the tall body to the road, as do neatly formed character lines down the side, a multi-faceted hood, and an integrated luggage rack. Composite projector beams with blue translucent rings reference the bigger Buicks. Geek-nerds will notice that the hood wears six portholes while the engine bay contains only four, but everybody else will like the small car’s livin’-large styling.

Base models come with cloth seats that feel like they came out of a Volkswagen, while up-level vehicles harbor heated leather seats, a heated steering wheel, dual-zone climate control, a navigation system, a sunroof, and Bose audio. Safety can be enhanced with Forward Collision Alert, Front and Rear Park Assist, Lane Departure Warning, a rear vision camera, Rainsense automatic wipers, and ten airbags. Remote Start takes the chill off of winter mornings.

None of that conveys the ambiance of the Encore’s interior, which rivals that of Coach (the luxury goods shop, not the economy class on airlines). Your fingers rarely touch hard surfaces, and the Saddle leather package conjures cowboys and riding crops or a woman’s handbag, depending on your point of view. What’s chrome in daylight magically glows blue at night, with an azure haze that seeps from every crevice. Seats are so-so, but the leather-wrapped steering wheel is just right. You can carry anything along for the ride, thanks to in-dash cubbies, a flip-forward front passenger seat, and fold-down rear seats.

Most of the infotainment controls are cribbed from GM’s European cars, which means they’re not exactly intuitive. Buick Intellilink uses a color screen and knob to access phones, radio, USB-connected MP3 players, movie times, dinner reservations, and Pandora Internet radio. Bose active noise-cancellation technology gives the Encore a serene interior that would make a Rolls-Royce clock seem rambunctious. Only the most courteous exhaust tones enter the cabin.

The Encore is available with exactly one engine: a 138 hp 1.4-liter turbo-four connected to a six-speed automatic transmission. That’s a sturdy enough heart, but you’re not going to fast-tromp it through mountain interstates with three passengers and their luggage aboard. Passing on tight two-lanes is better left to more muscular carriages. Still, in a day of driving through Atlanta hills, we never fell behind or felt overwhelmed. Fuel economy is rated a frugal 25/33 mpg city/hwy for FWD models and 23/30 mpg with AWD.

The benefits of being small are found in the Encore’s flexible moves. The suspension soaks up city potholes, but works with electric power steering to get wild on twisty country roads. The chassis doesn’t look sophisticated on paper, but it keeps the Encore poised. Front-drive models feel more tossable, but available AWD enhances stability and poor weather performance.

If you want a big family-friendly SUV, or you’re rarin’ to race Porsches, the Encore isn’t your car. It is refined, stylish, and flexible enough for young urbanites or their disapproving parents to get all of the luxury they really need. As we should all try to be, it’s authentic — nothing more or less.

Prices range from $24,950 to 33,700, making Encore competitive with the Nissan Rogue and MINI Countryman.

2013 Buick Encore
Five-passenger, AWD crossover
Powertrain: 138hp 1.4-liter turbo-four, six-speed automatic transmission
Suspension f/r: Ind/torsion beam
Wheels: 18”/18” alloy f/r
Brakes: disc/disc fr/rr with ABS
Must-have features: Style, convenience
Fuel economy: 25/33 mpg city/hwy (FWD)
Assembly: Bupyeong, S. Korea
Price range: $24,950-33,700

The Chevy Equinox doesn’t always get a fair shake. In the world of compact crossovers and SUVs, rides like the Honda CR-V, the Ford Escape, and the Toyota RAV4 frequently upstage the Equinox — and for no good reason at all.

That claim is backed up by a recent week-long roll in the hay I had with the all-wheel drive model of the 2013 Equinox. How do I love it? Let me count the ways.

One: the Equinox is versatile. If there’s one thing we all love, it’s a switch-hitter. The Equinox is big enough to haul the stuff that drivers need to schlep around — groceries, pets, bolts of taffeta — but compact enough to navigate urban landscapes with ease.

Two: it’s cushy. The Equinox provides acres of headroom and legroom, front and back. My LTZ AWD model (which sits at the top of the range) came with stunning perforated leather seats, and the driver’s perch was adjustable nine ways to Sunday: up, down, backward, forward, lumbar, and so on. The Chevy MyLink system integrated beautifully with Pandora and Stitcher, cranking tunes and talk radio through a sweet eight-speaker sound system

Three: it’s pushy. If you need a ride that can stand up and take charge, check out the Equinox LTZ. Its optional 3.6-liter V6 provides a very respectable 182 301 hp and 172 272 ft-lbs of torque, which is more than enough to motor through traffic on your weekday commute or maneuver to a weekend getaway spot. And if you want to bring a few toys along, the Equinox can haul up to 1,500 pounds of gear.

That said, as with all potential mates, there’s room for improvement. The Equinox’s beltline (i.e. the line that runs beneath the windows, about where your belt would hit if you were standing beside the vehicle) felt oddly high. Even with the driver’s seat ratcheted all the way up, it felt as though I needed a phonebook or two under my tuchus just to survey the landscape.

Also, as great as the entertainment system was, it wasn’t the most intuitive I’ve encountered. In Chevy’s defense, though, given all the bells and whistles found on center stacks these days, that’s not entirely surprising. Heck, remember how hard it was to check email or send a text message on your old feature phone? It’ll probably take a while before someone streamlines these things. (Perhaps Siri can tidy up a bit after she arrives.)

And one other complaint: fuel economy. The Equinox’s 16/23 city/highway wasn’t the worst I’ve ever seen — not by a long shot. But if you’re a stickler for efficiency, you might instead look at one of the Ecotec four-cylinder models, which offer a much sweeter 32 mpg highway.

* * * * *

The Equinox and I had a great week together. It was like going out on a date with that guy you’ve seen for years at coffee shops and holiday parties, the one you’ve never really spoken to, even though you have scores of mutual friends. We rode around town together, and I found myself thinking, “Why haven’t I gotten to know you sooner?” As Dorothy Gale taught us, sometimes happiness is found where you least expect it: right under your nose.

2013 Chevrolet Equinox
Powertrain: 2.4-liter four-cylinder or 3.6-liter V6
Fuel economy: from 16/23 mpg city/hwy to 22/32 mpg
Base price: $32,265
As-tested price: $36,385

The Volkswagen Beetle: it’s known for being, above all other things, like, really super cute. In 2012, however, the Beetle (no longer called the “New Beetle,” just “Beetle”) was redesigned to pay more direct homage to the original and rid itself of the previous model’s “chick car” image.

That was last year. For 2013, VW is introducing the Beetle Convertible you see here just in time for the dreary winter months ahead (Seriously VW? you spent 4 years working on this new convertible. You couldn’t have stuck it out a couple more months to launch this thing during spring’s warm embrace?).

Can the redesigned, more manly Beetle retain it’s new-found chest hair even with the top lopped off? Yes, but it depends entirely on which one you choose.

The Look 

It’s a VW Beetle alright, there’s no denying that. The tell-tail “Beetle” calling cards are all there in full force: round, non-confrontational headlights and a vintage inspired body complete with faux 1930s fenders. What Volkswagen has done in this second generation new Beetle is make it look far more like the original. This, in turn, makes the car more masculine thanks to longer, wider, and lower looking proportions plus a chopped roofline. Surface detailing is also more crisp, giving the Beetle a level of chisel and purpose the original, bubbly New Beetle lacked. The original New Beetle of 1998 was the Jellies sandals to the 2013 model’s Chuck Taylor high-tops. The Beetle is now firmly unisex, at the very least.

Of course the big story here is that VW has gone and chopped off the top of the Beetle to make the convertible you see here. That top is of very high quality and could easily be fitted to an Audi product without looking out of place. It’s extremely thick and insulating. The frustratingly damp weather that during my time with the car demonstrated the Beetle Convertible’s ability to keep moisture and cold outside the cabin seemingly just as well as its fixed-roof counterpart.

A fully automated experience greets all owners of the new Beetle Convertible as it’s standard equipment across the board. Hit the headliner mounted switch and sit back as the top unlatches itself and falls gracefully to the back of the car, stacking neatly but rather protruding-ly at the rear. There is no automatic tonneau cover to hide the top, it just plunks in the back like on Beetles of yore. That pays major dividends in the time it takes to operate the top, though: nine seconds to lower, and 11 seconds to raise. Additionally, you can also raise and lower the top at speeds up to 31 mph. Score.

Wheels are also a big story for the Beetle. Ranging from base rims made to look like old-timey hubcaps to the Turbo’s flashy 18 inch 5-spokes, the Beetle has been blessed with some of the most inspired and visual stimulating wheels I’ve seen in a long time. Somehow though, the TDI gets some rather ordinary looking 17 inchers (the silver car pictured above). Certainly all Beetles deserve something special in the wheel department VW.

Volkswagen is launching the Beetle Convertible with three special editions named ‘50s,’ 60s,’ and, ‘70s.’ These special editions each have paint and interior colors chosen to represent their different decades. I was smitten with the 70s edition you see here in these photos. Its all-brown theme really does things to me. It’s like a delicious gingerbread car. If only the interior carpets had been ‘avocado green’ shag. Now THAT would have been totally bitchin’.

For the manly among us, the Beetle Convertible retains it’s dom-top looks only when outfitted as a Turbo model in dark colors with the big rims. That may be some pretty blatant stereotyping but let’s be real: a denim blue Beetle Convertible with caramel interior and the TDI’s b*tch wheels is not going to pass as bi/masc/discrete at the local gay sports bar. Truth talk.

The Inside

Your mom will be disappointed: the beloved bud vase is gone. In fact ‘cute’ has been completely eradicated in this new Beetle, with the original’s “Britney Spears, lollipop, curved-everything” aesthetic banished. In it’s place is a no-nonsense, upright design that pays homage to the original Beetle. Those looking for flair and oddity will have to settle for the little old-fashioned secondary glove box sitting right in front of the front seat passenger. The rest of this cabin is pure business.

Materials are improved from the old car, if only in texture and color. Hard plastic is still the name of the game here but VW does a very good job at making those plastics feel high quality. Fit and finish was superb in all models tested.

A couple niggles though. I was a put off by the amount of open “blanks” below the climate controls. These pesky little place holder buttons serve no purpose but to sit there and remind you of the options you DIDN’T get in your car. The thing is, I couldn’t figure out WHICH options those “blanks” were holding the place for as all the test cars in the fleet had the same number of “blanks.” Also, seriously VW, you couldn’t find it in your hearts to put automatic climate control in a car costing over $32,000?

Back to the positives, though. The Fender audio system, which Volkswagen says 40% of all Beetle buyers have been popping for, is phenomenal. Easily the best audio offering in its competitive set, the Fender system pushes out 400 watts through an amp, subwoofer, and eight speakers and sounds absolutely fantastic with very little distortion. Pump up that Carly Rae Jepsen with the top down, and the people in the cars around you will be bobbing their heads in sync with your jam. It’s that powerful and clear.

The Drive

The Beetle Convertible will arrive in showrooms with three engine options: a base 2.5 liter 5-cylinder with 170 hp and 177 lb-ft of torque, a delectably sporty 2.0 liter turbocharged 4-cylinder pumping out an even 200 hp and 207 lb-ft of torque, and for the diesel-minded, the 2.0 liter turbocharged diesel mill putting out a meager 140 hp but a pavement churning 236 lb-ft of torque.

Of course the driving experience is largely dependent on which engine you choose. I sampled all versions so let me break it down for you like this:

2.5 – There is a reason this is the base engine. Though not really underpowered there is truly very little fun to be squeezed out of this unit. The Beetle Convertible is a hefty vehicle, ringing in at 3206 pounds in 2.5 guise. That’s about 400 pounds more than a VW Jetta for comparison, a vehicle which itself feels slow with the same 2.5 liter mill. On top of all of this not-much-funness is the fact that this base engine smacks you in the face with WORSE fuel economy than the to other engines (both of which are more fun to drive, not to spoil the rest of my article for you) at 21 city, 27 highway. If you can afford to, skip on up to the 2.0T or the 2.0 TDI as they are both more rewarding engines.

2.0T – The belle of this ball if you ask me, the 2.0T is perfectly suited for the Beetle’s small and sporty demeanor. Though not a light vehicle, the Beetle, by nature of its small stature, is inherently toss-able. The small but powerful 2.0T strikes the perfect balance for this chassis. Not only is this engine the most fun, the suspension has been firmed up for the Turbo offering better handling that is significantly more connected and sporty than either the 2.5 or the TDI. It gets even better as the 2.0T gets better gas mileage than the base 2.5 at 21 city, 29 highway (auto). If you’ve got a little extra cash to burn on your Beetle purchase this is where I’d throw the money.

2.0 TDI – The big story for this engine is the fuel economy. Rated at 28 city and 37 highway (for the automatic that most customers will opt for) the TDI achieves great fuel economy without the need to lug around a ton of batteries. While only rated at 140 hp the 2.0 TDI delivers more torque than either engines and that pays off in spades. This little engine has plenty of power for the average user and is even a bit fun when you really poke the pedal in some twisties. Plus, the TDI makes a pleasant puttering at idle that you can’t help but smile at. It somehow fits the nature of this happy looking vehicle.

In the End

Pricing for the 2013 Beetle Convertible starts at $24,995 for the base 2.5 automatic and heads up to $32,295 for the all options included with the 2.0T automatic. The TDI starts at $27,895, with a manual transmission standard on that model. Those are fair prices when you consider that all Beetle Convertibles come with a fully automatic top, alloy wheels, heated front seats, bluetooth for both calls and music streaming, and adjustable ambient lighting in the doors.

Regardless of any gender stereotyping, this new Beetle Convertible is a solid, high-quality vehicle with a lot to offer someone looking for a relatively affordable, sporty-ish, small car. This truly is a no-compromise convertible, you’ll never feel like you’ve made trade-offs to be able to catch some Vitamin D on sunny days. We all win. You’ll only need to figure out which model suits the image you’re trying to project best, whether that be droptop diva or turbocharged tough-guy.

Drive on Sunshine, drive on.

For obvious reasons, we talk a lot about “gay cars” here at Gaywheels. But what, exactly, is a gay car?

From where we sit, there are a lot of gay cars cruising the streets. Some look as outrageous as a drag queen on a bender. Some appeal to the gay-ghetto urban lifestyle or our love of pets. Others are more subdued, but like frat boys after a 12-pack, there are few cars that haven’t experimented batting for our team.

Here are two more examples that recently appeared on our gay-car gaydar:

1. At the 2012 Los Angeles Auto Show, fashion designer Jeremy Scott unveiled the “smart forjeremy”, an all-electric smart fortwo that’s been tricked out with wings that look a heck of a lot better than the ones on the Terrafugia Transition, even though Scott’s are purely decorative. Whether we want to call the “forjeremy” gay, there’s no denying that it’s fabulous. Which is pretty close.

2. The self-described “comedy/rock band” Fortress of Attitude recently went on tour, and along the way, some asshat left a note on the band’s car, critiquing their parking job. Naturally, the group set the note to music in a song called “P.S. Gay Car”.

At a concert the other night, I asked myself, “If I were the 30ish director of the Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra, what would I drive?” Only car people ask such silly questions when they should be enjoying a perfect violin, but I may have the answer: the Infiniti G37 IPL Convertible. Mr. Urbanski is a classy gentleman who’s still young enough to tussle his spiky hair in a car like this.

The G37′s styling says that you have class, but aren’t opposed to flipping back the power hard top, summoning Studio 54 on satellite radio, and having a go at the throttle. Just be careful to keep things out of the trunk: you could crunch a laptop — or a piccolo — in a heartbeat.

Passengers enjoy heated leather seats (ideal for fall weather) and automatic climate control that adjusts according to top position and vehicle velocity. The stellar Bose Open Air Sound System includes headrest speakers and automatically changes tuning based on exterior noise.

The G37′s interior is as sumptuous as a Ravel suite. Monaco red leather seats and aluminum-look trim on the dash, doors, and console go together like Tchaikovsky and Liberace. Thick padding on the doors imbues a sense of opulence. Instruments that adjust with the steering column and Infiniti’s “piano key” navigation and radio controls make driving easy. True, Infiniti could kick it up with French stitching on the dash like its luxury competitors, and there is some weird creaking on rough roads, but compared to most cars, the interior is sporty and pretty.

The G37 is sumptuous on the outside, too. Its curvaceous lines would be equally appropriate on a Ferrari, but the elegant chrome grille surrounds, aggressive facias, high rear deck, and seamless hardtop all look great. I would definitely choose the IPL package and its 19” alloys for wet-sexy looks.

Planting a big foot in the car’s throttle adds heat. All IPL convertibles come standard with a 3.7-liter V6 engine that’s rated for 343 hp and 273 ft-lbs of torque. There’s a throated roar out of the tailpipe that sounds not unlike Pavarotti’s thunder. Fuel economy is rated 17/25 mpg city/hwy.

Last year, I drove the G37’s platform-mate, the 370Z — which, like the G37, features a paddle-shifted seven-speed automatic transmission. As expected, the Nissan was a two-seat roadster designed to handle like a champ. It rode well for a sports car, but was a little stiff in the legs. I prefer the G37, which has crisp suspension motions, tight steering, and plenty of power. Yet, it retains enough interior refinement and slightly softer suspension for comfort. It is a car you can relish with the top down on weekends, but it would also be comfy on a cross-country journey or while creeping through traffic.

You could discount a young orchestra director as inexperienced until you hear the product of his work. Just the same, you could deny the Infiniti a first thought compared to the Mercedes E-Cabrio, Audi A5, or BMW 3-Series. But I wouldn’t until you take it for a spin.

2013 Infiniti G37 IPL Convertible
Four-passenger, RWD hardtop convertible
Powertrain: 343hp 3.7-liter V6, seven-speed automatic transmission
Suspension f/r: Ind/Ind
Wheels: 19”/19” alloy f/r
Brakes: disc/disc fr/rr with ABS
Must-have features: Power, styling
Fuel economy: 17/25 mpg city/hwy
Assembly: Japan
Base/as-tested price: $60,600/$62,415

It’s been three months since Hurricane Isaac moseyed across southern Louisiana. I’ve repaired the damage that the slow-moving storm wreaked on my house, but Isaac’s winds also toppled a couple of trees that I’ve been unable to replace — mostly because my everyday vehicle can’t haul anything much bigger than a rosebush. Thankfully, I’m testing out the 2013 GMC Sierra Denali this week, so that’s about to change.

Size queens, take note: the Sierra is big. The crew cab is huge, with plenty of room for full-size passengers — or in my case, three friends that I’ve corralled into helping me at the nursery. It also comes with a big bed, which many larger trucks are missing nowadays. The Sierra can easily handle a dozen more more full-size plants — no need to buy twigs and wait (im)patiently for them to grow!

This particular Sierra is also flashy, as you might expect a Denali model to be. Thankfully, there’s not too much bling on the outside, since my own style is a little restrained. The tinted glass, fog lamps, and 20″ chrome aluminum wheels draw attention but not stares — a distinction that’s subtle but appreciated.

Open the door, though, and things get a bit swankier. The front leather seats are heated and cooled, so long drives are a breeze. To make that breeze literal, there’s a large power sunroof. And for tunes,  you’ll find a seriously kickin’ Bose sound system within arm’s reach.

Attached to that sound system, however, is an infotainment system that I’m a little less psyched about. On the one hand, I love that it’s clean and simple, but there’s a fine line between “simple” and “underdesigned”. Compared to the rest of the Sierra Denali, the center stack looks a tad unfinished. Ultimately, though, my quibbles are purely aesthetic: the infotainment system is intuitive and easy to operate, and really, that’s what counts.

On the road, the Sierra offers miles of smooth sailing, thanks to the powerful 6.2-liter (yes: 6.2!) V8 engine, cranking out 403 hp and 417 ft-lbs of torque. The six-speed automatic transmission shifts effortlessly as we float over bumps in the road — though if our trip were longer, we’d find ourselves pulling over a good bit thanks to the Sierra’s fuel economy: 12/18 mpg city/highway. (That said, your own fuel costs will vary, since this model can handle E85.)

Two hours and several orders of catfish later (I figure I at least owe my friends lunch), we pull up in front of my house, with several six-foot sweet olives in tow — and as if that weren’t awesome enough, they’re in bloom. One more hour, and they’re in the ground: Miller time.

With a starting price of $48,635, the GMC Sierra Denali isn’t the truck for everyone. But if you’re looking for a big vehicle to haul stuff in style, put it on your short list.

2013 Sierra Denali 1500 AWD
Powertrain: 6.2-liter V8, with 403 hp and six-speed automatic transmission
Fuel: Gasoline or E85
Fuel economy: 12/18 mpg city/hwy
Base price: $48,635
As-tested price: $53,694

When Chrysler’s fate was being tossed about in conference rooms and evening newscasts, Fiat offered a lifeline that included building Italian-engineered models flashing American badges. Fiats and Alfa Romeos would be made over into cars like the Dodge Dart with efficient turbocharged engines, tight chassis, and sexy designs honoring Italy and America. Putting that theory to the test, my partner and I snuggled into a Dart for a relaxing 500-mile weekend.

As nice as the Dart is to look at, though, my favorite part is the world’s easiest-to-use touchscreen and controls. A Barbie doll could program the nav system, change audio settings, or access climate control. What takes a steamy love session with an owner’s manual in many cars requires no instructions at all in the Dart. The competition should forget haptic feedback touchscreens, deaf voice controls, and iDials: just copy the Dart.

Interiors are the right blend of Italian flair and American machismo. The Dart’s “floating island” dash design with integrated touchscreen, analog gauges, and red lighting that traces it at night was clearly inspired by the bigger Charger. Ginormous cupholders, a glove box sized for an iPad, a USB plug for MP3 players, Bluetooth, and in-seat storage add convenience. Firmly-bolstered seats and a 10-speaker audio system are ready to rumble.

Back outside, the Dart’s cab-forward styling is clearly derived from Alfa Romeo, but an aggressive crosshair grille, 17” alloys, and 52-LED “racetrack” rear lighting channel big-brother Charger. Areas you can’t see like active grille shutters, underbody panels, and tire spats ahead of the front and rear wheels divert airflow for improved fuel economy. It’s a handsome car on which no detail was overlooked.

Sportier editions run with 160 hp, 1.4-liter turbocharged four-cylinder engines that deliver 27/39 mpg city/hwy when connected to the standard six-speed manual transmission. Choosing the turbo engine delivers no more horsepower, but ups torque from 148 lb.-ft. to 184 for livelier performance and an exhaust note that sings like Pavarotti’s Ferrari. Transmission gearing is clearly aimed at fuel economy; you have to step down to 4th gear on the highway to get it to accelerate. Fortunately, running near triple digits is no problem.

Beyond its Fiat MultiAir engine, the Dart’s Alfa Romeo-based architecture taps sweet Italy for its soul. The four-wheel independent suspension and firm steering slam corners and settle in at high speeds. I wouldn’t say it has the moves of a prancing horse, but is distinctly more playful than most competitors. For Americans, Chrysler widened and lengthened the vehicle for added interior and luggage space. The result is a car that doesn’t forget its DNA, but embraces its new home.

That’s not to say that the Dart doesn’t have its detractors. Most notably, Consumer Reports hasn’t added the Dart to its “Recommended” list and calls its exhaust “raspy”. But like Mikey not appreciating even his cereal, this means zip. The Dart isn’t perfect, but the overall excellence of the little sedan proves Fiat’s theory. It’s a good car that 98% of us would be glad to own.

The Dodge Dart starts at $15,995, but our well-equipped Rallye model reached $23,560.

2013 Dodge Dart Rallye
Five-passenger, FWD sedan
Powertrain: 160hp, 1.4-liter turbo-four-cylinder engine with six-speed manual transmission
Suspension f/r: Ind/Ind
Wheels: 17”/17” alloy f/r
Brakes: disc/disc fr/rr with ABS
Must-have features: Alfa DNA, MPGs
Fuel economy: 27/39 mpg city/hwy
Assembly: Belvidere, IL
Base/As-tested price: $15,995/$23,560

It’s the day before Thanksgiving, and here in America, many of us are feverishly cleaning house and baking gluten-free pies for hordes of invading marauders houseguests. But before we get elbow-deep in stuffing, have a look at these holiday news items:

1. That Chevy Camaro Hot Wheels edition we spotted earlier this year at the Detroit Auto Show? Well, in case you hadn’t heard, it’s for real-real. Just keep in mind that the bright metallic paint and Hot Wheels flame badges come at a cost — namely $7,000 above the regular Camaro’s sticker price. Still, some would call that a bargain.

2. Everyone’s favorite financial adviser, out lesbian Suze Orman, is shilling for Acura this holiday season. Here she is, picking up some strange woman in a TL:

That’s interesting, considering that Suze has often encouraged her fans to avoid new cars and purchase “new used” vehicles instead, but whatever — girl’s gotta eat, right? The million-dollar question is whether One Million (Intellectually Challenged) Moms will launch another of their laughable boycotts in protest. Let’s hope!

3. No one really enjoys traveling over the river and through the woods to sit around a dinner table full of obnoxious in-laws, do they? We didn’t think so. If you’re making the journey this week, perhaps this awesome time-lapse video of Route 66 will make you feel better. Probably not, but hey, we’re trying:

Beyond technology and safety features, color is hugely important to me when it comes to making a car purchase.

Years ago, I leased a champagne-colored Nissan Murano. Champagne sounded so sexy when I signed on the dotted line, but it got boring fast. Soon, I felt like I was driving a bus.

After that, I had a dark blue Chevy HHR, which still sits in my garage and serves as a second car. It wasn’t my intention to buy a blue car, but my husband got a “deal” on it. Alas, as it turns out, blue is boring too.

For that past six years, I’ve been on a ruby red kick. My current lease is a ruby red Honda Crosstour.  The car before that was a ruby red Cadillac CTS. But as sexy as ruby red is, I think I’ve outgrown it. What’s next? We’ll see come March, when my lease is up.

What brought car and color to mind wasn’t my own preferences. Rather, it was thinking about the oddly and overly “girly” promotional efforts so many companies have fallen into when it comes to marketing to women. “Pink = Women!  Yay!”  It’s as if guns, laptops, frying pans, and tasers suddenly have a gender just because they’re colored pink.

But pink isn’t a color that automakers can exploit like other manufacturers have. No auto executive in her right mind would expect to sell too many bright pink rides.

Not that I haven’t seen the occasional pink car. There’s even the Pinky Tow towing service rig that appears every so often in my neighborhood. And of course, there are Mary Kay’s infamous pink Cadillacs.  (I wonder if there’s a trademarked shade of “Mary Kay pink”?)

But pink’s crossover appeal is limited, to say the least. Pink signals to men, “Hands off! This product is for the ladies!” Pink also signals to men, “If you like this, you should be questioning your masculinity and your heterosexuality.”

How can one color have so much power over men and threaten their masculinity at the same time? And how is it that many straight men feel fine wearing a pink shirt, but blanche at the idea of driving a pink automobile?

That, in turn, raises another question: how do auto manufacturers target products and advertising to women without alienating men? After all, men buy cars, too. Branding expert Denise Lee Yohn suggests, “Companies should take care not to over-emphasize the gender orientation of their products. To capture the widest appeal and to avoid reinforcing stereotypes that alienate, they should pursue specific styles and aesthetics that resonate with both men and women.”

GM must have pondered this gender/color conundrum with the 2013 Malibu, knowing full-well the car’s strong appeal among women. How could GM maintain its female base without alienating men? There are both pros and cons to GM’s marketing campaign for the Malibu, which includes a partnership with out, gay fashion designer, Isaac Mizrahi.

The first Malibu commercial for TV is gender-neutral, with just enough features to appeal to both male and female car buyers. Its presentation is practical and unobtrusive.

However, Chevrolet’s “Malibu Style” campaign is a different story. The opening spot positions Mizrahi as the gay boyfriend who helps you (i.e. the woman) look good and makes you feel good about yourself. After all, don’t all straight women love gay boyfriends and seek out their advice about fashion and proper accessorizing?

Mizrahi is GM’s way of coloring the Malibu marketing campaign full-tilt pink. He’s gay. He designs women’s clothing. He’s understands cut, color, form, and texture. And, he’s creating a new clothing line called “Malibu Style.” He’s turning clothes into fashion accessories for your car. After all, who wants to wear clothes that don’t match their car? Ew, that’s so unfabulous!

GM is currently developing a Facebook page and a series of 50 videos that showcase Mizrahi driving to various cities and visiting several fabulous women to talk about style. Clearly, the Malibu isn’t for country bumpkins. It’s for Sex & the City sirens, based on what I’m reading and hearing.

That impression is reinforced by lead creative designer, Rebecca Waldmeir, who alludes to a sophisticated, sexy, fashion-conscious female car buyer in a recent Detroit News interview :

“Our Chevy Malibu customer is very smart, very savvy,” said Rebecca Waldmeir, lead creative designer for color and trim for Chevrolet passenger cars including the Malibu. “She doesn’t want to sacrifice anything. She wants to indulge a little.” Waldmeir said she often looks to the fashion industry to help her with colors and trim. She said the interior colors and texture and feel of the Malibu’s leather seats were inspired by a luxury handbag.

Clearly, the Malibu isn’t for the Lena Dunham, urban, Girls-type of gal. Only Carries, Mirandas, Samanthas, and Charlottes, epitomize “Malibu Style” by knowing what cuts and colors to wear (or drive).

But how often did we see anyone in Sex & the City drive? I wasn’t a regular viewer, but I saw enough episodes to know that I never saw a main character behind a wheel.

Vanity Fair interviewed Mizrahi and asked about his partnership with GM. Mizrahi describes his foray into automotive using the royal “we”:

We’re on this road trip across the country, stopping in four or five cities. And we’re going to meet different women and kind of get their take on the way they put themselves together, they put their lives together, and that’s going to inspire me to do the collection. I’m also being inspired by the design of the car. I’m a design person. So every single angle I look at, every single color, gives me ideas. So I’ve been kind of looking at the car a lot, driving the car—I’m not a huge driver, but I’ve been driving the car. That’s what’s going to inspire this collection, I hope. And then after that, it will hopefully launch sometime this fall. [Emphasis mine]

He’s not a “huge driver”? What does that even mean?

Not much further into the interview, he says,

I’m not a car person, but I’m not a non-car person. I notice a beautiful car when I see it. Any great piece of machinery, any great piece of design, is something that’s going to inspire me. I just think that this a very good marriage between brands. [Emphasis mine]

Next, the interviewer asks him about his fantasy car:

Do you have a car that you’ve always fantasized about owning, or a car that you see on the street and think: that’s my spiritual home on wheels?

I don’t really. I notice a beautiful car. And when I notice a car, it’s usually about the color of the car—that’s what makes me notice it first. The new Malibu has some really amazing colors. There’s a new Red Ice color. There’s a great silver color that’s dazzling. It’s the greatest neutral I’ve ever seen. It’s this bone, but it has a little shimmer to it, yet it’s unlike any other white car that I’ve ever seen.

So, let me wrap my head around the thought process that must’ve gone into this GM/Malibu/Mizrahi mashup:

• Women love fashion and are very conscious about color.
• Mizrahi is a fashion designer who knows what women love and what colors look good on women.
• Mizrahi is gay, so women will love his work, because he has a queer eye for the straight gal.

Did I forget anything? Oh, yes:

• Mizrahi is not a big driver (does he even own a car?), and he’s not a car person, but he’s not a non-car person, either.

Yeesh. I love pink as much as the next person, but I’ll stick with ruby red for now.

A week after historic LGBT wins at the ballot box, there’s more great news to share: the Human Rights Campaign has published its 2013 Corporate Equality Index, and five automakers have earned perfect scores. (That’s up from three on last year’s list.) However, there’s still plenty of room for improvement.

Scoring

To assign rankings, HRC employs a range of criteria, including whether or not a company…

• Prohibits Discrimination Based on Sexual Orientation — 15 points
• Prohibits Discrimination Based on Gender Identity or Expression — 15 points
• Offers Partner Health/Medical Insurance — 15 points
• Has Parity Across Other “Soft” Benefits for Partners (half credit for parity across some, but not all benefits – 10 points
• Offers Transgender-Inclusive Health Insurance Coverage — 10 points
• Firm-wide Organizational Competency Programs — 10 points
• Has Employer-Supported Employee Resource Group OR Firm-Wide Diversity Council (Would Support ERG if Employees Express Interest — half credit)– 10 points
• Positively Engages the External LGBT Community (partial credit of 5 points given for less than 3 efforts) – 15 points
• Responsible Citizenship Employers will have 25 points deducted from their score for a large-scale official or public anti-LGBT blemish on their recent records — -25 points

HRC focuses its analysis on Fortune 500 companies, which unfortunately leaves out foreign automakers. However, any company on Planet Earth can be listed in the Corporate Equality Index simply by volunteering the information listed above.

THE GOOD NEWS

Last year, three automakers scored perfect 100s on the Corporate Equality Index: Chrysler, Ford, and Toyota.

This year, Chrysler, Ford, and Toyota remained on the A+ list, with General Motors and Volkswagen moving up to join them. (Joe LaMuraglia — a friend of Gaywheels and LGBT Liaison for Communications at GM — assured us that GM’s dip in the 2012 scoring would be resolved, and we’re happy to see that’s happened.)

In other words, all three Detroit automakers are fabulously, officially LGBT-friendly, as are two of their biggest competitors.

Not far down the HRC’s list, we find Subaru, with a score of 85. To reach a perfect 100, Subaru just needs to add transgender-friendly health coverage and benefits like bereavement leave for domestic partners.

Close on Subaru’s heels, we find Nissan, with a score of 75 — up a whopping 45 points  from last year. Nissan has instituted a range of policy changes to lift its ranking, and the automaker could land a perfect 100 next year if it adds health insurance to address the needs of transgender employees and if it implements diversity training or other corporate competency programs.

The only 0 on the Index’s auto industry list is Penske Automotive, which operates “174 [automotive] franchises in 18 states and Puerto Rico and 170 franchises located outside the United States, primarily in the United Kingdom”, according to boilerplate from a recent press release. The company has approximately 16,000 employees — none of whom are protected from discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation of expression. Perhaps you should shop elsewhere.

THE WAVE OF THE FUTURE

Like other civil rights movements, the push for LGBT equality has hit its share of stumbling blocks:

• HIV and AIDS halted the tide of political progress that LGBT Americans were making in the early 1980s and killed some of our most articulate leaders.
• Bill Clinton came into office promising to repeal the ban on gays in the military, but what we got was the even-worse policy of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”.
• Anti-gay groups like the National Organization for Marriage — not to mention the Mormon and Catholic churches — have backed dozens of state amendments banning same-sex marriage, and in more than 30 states, they’ve been successful.

But as disheartening as those obstacles have been, they’ve also served to galvanize the LGBT community, making us more powerful and more visible. In particular, the fight to cure HIV/AIDS and end discrimination against people living with the disease has transformed us into a powerful political force. In fact, there’s some data to suggest that LGBT voters cast the decisive ballots in last week’s presidential election.

Today, public sentiment is on our side. Our president has led by example, repealing “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and implementing hate-crimes laws. The majority of Americans now support equal rights for LGBT Americans, including marriage equality. That support is most pronounced among young people, while the opposition is slowly dying off or “evolving”.

America’s corporations are an indicator of what’s to come: this year, a record 252 corporations scored a perfect 100 on HRC’s Corporate Equality Index. Eleven years ago, that number was just 13. Furthermore, for the first time ever, a majority of corporations include protection for employees based not only on sexual orientation, but also gender expression.

We’re not out of the woods yet. Homophobes on both sides of the aisle are still fighting marriage equality. And in the auto industry, major corporations like Hyundai, Kia, and Porsche still offer no workplace protections for LGBT employees. (Neither does Suzuki, but that’s no longer an issue.)

On the whole, however, we’re facing a much brighter future.

It was either by coincidence or divine love of the underdog that I happened to have the Subaru Legacy 3.6R the same weekend I was planning to tour the National Studebaker Museum in South Bend, Indiana. Not only is the Subaru brand beloved by our community, but also the Legacy is built in Lafayette, just 45 minutes north of Indianapolis. It felt right at home on Hoosier highways.

Clipping through corn fields between Indianapolis and South Bend, the Legacy opened up. My partner put it best when he said “The car has a soul.” You first notice the firm steering that resonates in your hands. Then, there’s the throbbing suspension that absorbs ridiculous amounts of road rough without losing its composure. At unmentionable speeds, the athletic feel and torque-y power encourage you to eat Camrys and Accords upon whim.

Kicking under the haunches is Subaru’s super-smooth 256hp 3.6-liter six-cylinder “Boxer” engine. As in Porsches, the horizontally opposed engine contributes to a low center of gravity and balanced handling. Connected to a five-speed paddle-controlled automatic transmission, and Subaru’s Symmetrical All-Wheel-Drive, you have the makings of a sport sedan that can handle almost anything. Power is automatically shifted front-to-front and side-to-side to maintain traction, but in normal operation is set with a 45/55 split, biased towards the rear for European handling. It’s incredible — more like an Acura that crossed tails with a BMW than your typical Japanese mamamobile.

The bad news? The six-cylinder Legacy posts just 18/25 mpg city/highway. However, four-cylinder models achieve a much more impressive 32 mpg highway.

Compared to Raymond Loewy-designed Studebakers, the Legacy is not exactly a stunner, but it has an indestructible look that was recently enhanced with sportier front styling and 17” alloys. Inside, large analog gauges, a leather-wrapped steering wheel, woodgrain trim, and heated leather seats look handsome. Touchscreen navigation and automatic climate control add class while Bluetooth and USB input for iPods meet expectations. I would absolutely choose the optional windshield wiper de-icer, moonroof, and 440-watt Harman/Kardon audio.

To improve safety, engineers gave the Legacy their EyeSight Driver-Assist System. Using twin “stereo” cameras mounted near the rearview mirror, EyeSight integrates Adaptive Cruise Control, Pre-Collision Braking, and Vehicle Lane Departure Warning. Below 19 mph, it can detect pedestrians or objects and bring the car to a stop if the driver does not respond. At higher speeds, it detects objects and applies the brakes to reduce impact forces. Adaptive Cruise Control also relives stress in stop and go traffic by automatically creeping along. Some of the beeps are annoying and over-aggressive, but the system is effective.

My state of Indiana has a heritage of building great and unique automobiles, including those by Duesenberg, Marmon, Stutz, Cord, and Auburn. By far the most popular was Studebaker which, despite cars like the Avanti and Hawk that were renowned for their styling, ceased production here in 1963. It’s great to buy products from companies you respect and that honor your values, especially when they employ thousands of Hoosiers in building damn-fine automobiles. May Subaru never suffer the fate of Studebaker.

The 2013 Subaru Legacy starts at $20,295, but our Limited came to $33,605.

2013 Subaru Legacy 3.6R
Five-passenger, AWD sedan
Powertrain: 256hp 3.6-liter H6, 5-speed automatic transmission
Suspension f/r: Ind/Ind
Wheels: 17”/17” alloy f/r
Brakes: disc/disc fr/rr with ABS
Must-have features: Handling, LGBT love
Fuel economy: 18/25 mpg city/hwy
Assembly: Lafayette, IN
Base/As-tested price: $20,295/$33,605

Ever since Lee Iacocca ordered the roof off of a LeBaron for his summer enjoyment, Chrysler has been a leader in flip-top luxury touring machines. As the LeBaron’s successor, the Chrysler 200 continues the car’s place as a Bentley convertible at an affordable price. It seems like every 200 Convertible — as with the LeBaron before — is most often driven by old ladies with cigarettes hanging out of their mouths or a couple of old queens trying to re-live their club-spent youths. But they’re loyal, continually keeping the car at the top of the sales charts.

Not quite as big as a whale, the 200 Convertible is still a comfortable four-seater with enough trunk space to haul plenty of luggage on a voyage to Boca and back — even with the fully-electric top stowed. Owners can choose between a retractable hardtop or traditional canvas roof. Either way, the car shares many features with its sedan sibling, including a badge-enhanced, multi-faceted grille, LED front light pipes, and LED taillamps. Dual chrome exhaust tips and 18” alloys promise a little more than they deliver.

I spent too many miles in the 200’s interior, but was no worse for wear. Sweet-smelling leather seats — heated in front — are comfortable on long trips. Large analog gauges, piano finish around the center controls, ambient lighting, lighted cupholders, and a thick, leather-wrapped steering wheel imitate big luxury. Listening to music was a joy with the Boston Acoustics speakers connected to a USB port for iPods. Dash and door materials are definitely not up to Bentley standards, but the car is a very comfy place to while away the hours and is way more attainable.

No matter your gender or persuasion, it is easy to enjoy the Limited edition’s 283hp 3.6-liter V6 engine, connected to the front wheels with a slick six-speed automatic transmission. Even in a severe wind storm, the engine moved the sleek convertible swiftly and surely, easily accelerating away from semi-trucks at stupid speeds. I’m sure I didn’t achieve optimum fuel economy, but it is possible to achieve 19/29 mpg city/highway when not driving like a hell-bent banshee. Customers who’d like to downshift to a 173hp 2.4-liter four-cylinder engine are welcome to do so, but it’s hard to imagine why.

Contrary to the fresh power under the hood, there’s something old world about the 200’s chassis. The 200 is not as bad as my parents’ Model T, but there’s still a little shaking and quaking. In the old days, suspension systems were tuned softly to compensate for the body flex. Fortunately, the 200 is stiff enough for a firm four-wheel independent suspension that floats over bumps on the highway without becoming all jelly on bumpy city streets. It’s tuned towards the car’s purpose of providing a quiet boulevard ride.

As with the original LeBaron, the 200 is a stylish convertible that leaves the impression of a hand-built British cabrio without the hand-built price. Anything you could ever want in a convertible is present for a price that would barely buy you a Rolls-Royce test drive. The 200 Convertible starts at just over $27,000, but our loaded Limited came to $34,260.

2013 Chrysler 200 Convertible
Four-passenger, FWD convertible
Powertrain: 283hp 3.6-liter V6, 6-speed automatic transmission
Suspension f/r: Ind/Ind
Wheels: 18”/18” alloy f/r
Brakes: disc/disc fr/rr with ABS
Must-have features: Style, pace
Fuel economy: 19/29 mpg city/hwy
Assembly: Sterling Heights, MI
Base/As-tested price: $27,100/$34,260

I learned two things about altitude on my recent trip to Santa Fe, New Mexico to test VW’s new Jetta Turbo Hybrid.

1. Being so high above sea level (7,000 feet) makes me wheezy, easily winded, and a cheap drunk.
2. The Jetta Hybrid absolutely shrugs off altitude thanks to its impressive hybrid powertrain, the first in the world to incorporate a turbocharged engine in a hybrid system. It rubbed its athleticism in my face the entire trip, while I chugged water and kept my eyes on the horizon to stave off nausea.

Wait, what? Did I use the word “athletic” in conjunction with the word “hybrid?” Why yes, I did. Welcome to the 2013 Jetta Turbo Hybrid.

On the outside

You might call the Jetta Turbo Hybrid a “hidden hybrid” in the same way people use the term “stealth wealth.” Most people won’t even notice that the Jetta Turbo Hybrid is a hybrid at all and that’s exactly what VW is banking on.

From the outside the 2013 Jetta Turbo Hybrid looks like a slightly tweaked version of the Jetta GLI, the sportiest member of the Jetta family. Indeed there have been some subtle changes to the exterior here and there, with more aerodynamic front and rear fascias, available turbine-look, hybrid-only wheels, and a few blue-trimmed “hybrid” badges. Our tester, the top-of-the-hybrid-range SEL Premium, included LED taillights and LED accented headlights — welcome details that add visual flair to the sober, non-nonsense design of the standard Jetta. Still, nothing here shouts “I have a hybrid!” like the almost triangular Toyota Prius. Some might even call the Jetta Hybrid — gasp! — sporty looking.

On the inside

There are only a couple of changes made to the interior of the Jetta Hybrid when compared to the standard Jetta line. The largest is the hybrid drive gauge that attempts to give you an impression of which engines are propelling the vehicle and how much of the system’s power you’re using. I found its function a bit confusing, no thanks to the fact that this gauge looks like a tachometer but isn’t actually a tachometer at all.

You’ll also find, on all Jetta Hybrid trims except the very base model, a color display in the middle of the dash that displays information about the powertrain’s happenings in real time, much like a Prius. Beyond that, there’s a small hybrid badge by the glovebox. That’s about it.

Overall it’s the same stoic, no-nonsense cabin design we’ve seen since the somewhat controversial redesign of 2010. It’s not a flashy interior like the Ford Focus or Hyundai Elantra. It’s mature and tailored-looking. Your mom will be able to use it without much concern, and in turn you’ll never feel like you’re driving something cheap, because there’s simply not much in there to look dated a few years down the line.

On the tactile front, the Jetta hybrid is blessed with the upgraded soft-touch dash found in the GLI (and the 2.5L for 2013). A surprising thing to note about that coveted soft-touch dash in the Jetta, though: it’s ONLY the upper half of the dash. If you find your grubby little hands wandering to the southernmost part of the dashboard or the door panels, you’ll still find some of the hard, mean plastic that so plagued the Jetta on its relaunch. In this class that’s the norm, it just no longer packs the same class-leading materials as Jettas of yore.

How it drives

What separates the Jetta Turbo Hybrid from the competition is the fact that it uses VW’s new 1.4-liter turbocharged four-cylinder, combined with an electric engine. The total output for the Jetta’s hybrid system is 170 hp and 184 lb-ft of torque. That’s a lot of power for a hybrid. Heck, that’s a lot of power for a compact sedan, period. All of this helps the Jetta Hybrid achieve a 0 – 60 time of 8.6 seconds. Just about anything else with the word “hybrid” on it will be eating your dust.

Jetta Hybrids also come with VW’s wonderful seven-speed DSG gearbox that further enhances the “I’m driving a real car” feeling of the Jetta Hybrid when compared to competitors. This transmission works seamlessly with the two motors at the Jetta Hybrid’s disposal, offering some of the most unobtrusive engine cut-in I’ve ever experienced in a hybrid. I could hardly tell when the engine was kicking in. Impressive.

A sticking point with many hybrids are their brakes. That’s because of the regenerative systems connected to them, which recuperate energy expended from the action of braking. This leads many hybrid brake pedals to feel like they’re connected to a bucket of mashed potatoes: the brakes are hard to modulate because the pedal feedback feels artificial.

Unfortunately, I can’t say the Jetta Turbo Hybrid completely avoids that artificial feeling. Braking feel in the Jetta Hybrid is still a bit of a hit or miss experience. Thankfully, the pedal travel is quite long so you can more easily adapt the pressure of your foot on the brake to achieve a smooth stop if necessary. It’s something you have to monitor to keep from delivering jerky stops to your passengers, but it does feel better than the almost existential brake feel of the Toyota Prius. Faint praise, I suppose.

In other news, the Jetta Hybrid is a mercifully quiet vehicle. Noise, vibration, and harshness is all controlled and concealed in that deliciously German way. The Jetta feels solid and planted, much more so than the rest of the hybrid competition.

Of course the real question here is fuel economy. VW estimates around 45 mpg combined for the Jetta Hybrid, which puts it behind the Toyota Prius, but above the Civic Hybrid. Our test car averaged right around 44 mpg for the duration of our first drive, and that was with climate control running the entire time. Not bad. Unfortunately that all has to be done on premium fuel. You can thank the turbo for that.

Wrap Up

Probably the best thing I can say about the Jetta Turbo Hybrid is how quickly I forgot the car was a hybrid at all.

It’s a new proposition for the hybrid market: get in, have fun driving, and reap the benefits of great gas mileage without feeling like you’re giving anything up. That’s my kind of hybrid.

VW hopes it’s your kind of hybrid too. The Jetta is not the absolute master of efficiency — that title still belongs to the Prius clan, and for buyers seeking fuel economy at all costs, the Jetta Turbo Hybrid might not be the best fit.

What the VW counters with in the Jetta Turbo Hybrid is a car that doesn’t feel like you’re driving a washing machine with wheels. That alone may make it worth the few mpgs lost to the Prius. I’d call the 2013 Jetta Turbo Hybrid a compelling study in balance.

As you’ve no doubt heard, yesterday was an historic day for LGBT Americans:

• Despite bigoted, hateful, homophobic attacks from the far-right of the political spectrum, America re-elected a president (and vice president) who came out in support of marriage equality.
• We elected a majority of Democrats to the U.S. Senate — Democrats who have enshrined marriage equality in their official party platform.
• We elected the first openly gay person to the U.S. Senate.
• After many failures at the polls, voters expressed their support for marriage equality in at least three states (and possibly four).
• Iowa  Justice David Wiggins, who sided with LGBT Americans and brought marriage equality to that state, was retained.

Clearly, the 2012 election showed that we are a divided nation in many ways. But it was a great day for civil rights — and, we would argue, for the economy, since for many of us, the two are inextricable.

But there’s another bit of good news you might’ve missed, which had nothing to do with the election: Gaywheels’ list of homophobic automakers has been reduced from four to three.

That’s because yesterday morning, Suzuki announced that it was shutting down its U.S. automotive division and filing for bankruptcy protection. The company will refocus its attention on ATV, boat, and motorcycle units, which have historically performed much stronger with U.S. consumers than Suzuki cars.

We’d like to think that this has something to do with Suzuki’s homophobic workplace policies, but in fact, the blame falls squarely on Suzuki’s quirky vehicle lineup, which never captured the American imagination. Suzukis were oddly designed, and their build quality wasn’t up to par. Frankly, we wonder how the company lasted as long as it did.

There are a couple of downsides to Suzuki going under, though.

For starters, Suzuki employees will be forced to find other jobs. We hope that many on the auto side will be wrapped into the company’s ATV, boat, and motorcycle divisions — or hired by the many, many gay-friendly automakers who are faring well in the U.S. right now. However, being fired is never a good thing, and we wouldn’t wish the uncertainty of finding a new job on anyone. (Well, except certain bigoted politicians who lost their jobs last night.)

The other problem is that Suzuki owns such a tiny share of the U.S. auto market. Yes, it’s nice to scratch one homophobic automaker off our gay-unfriendly list, but it would’ve been much nicer if we’d reported that a bigger, better-known company like Hyundai, Kia, or Porsche had finally come to its senses and drafted workplace protections for its LGBT employees.

Still, we’ll take victories where we can.

Onward, upward, and forward, ladies and gentlemen.

Technically speaking, Gaywheels isn’t a political website. However, like many of you, we pay close attention to political candidates at every level of government: Republicans, Democrats, and Independents, sheriffs, secretaries of state, and senators.

Also like you, we’re not single-issue voters. However, there are a few topics that we track more closely than others. As car buffs, for example, we’re aware of how candidates view the auto industry. And of course, we note their positions on civil rights for LGBT Americans — which is not a “single-issue”, but many, collected under one banner.

LGBT rights

Some argue that voting for a candidate solely on the basis of his or her position on LGBT rights is myopic. They say that doing so fails to consider larger issues like jobs or the economy.

But there’s something those arguments overlook — namely, that LGBT rights are inextricable from employment and the economy.

Before “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was repealed, LGBT members of the military could be fired on the basis of their sexual orientation. Until the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) is passed, most of us can lose jobs, be denied housing, and suffer countless other inequities. And as long as the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) stands, our husbands and wives are little more than long-term roommates, so far as the federal government is concerned. That puts our loved ones at risk in terms of their hospital visitation rights, health coverage, inheritances, and much, much more.

Some states and municipalities have begun to address these problems as best they can, legalizing marriage equality and prohibiting discrimination against LGBT individuals. But this patchwork solution to civil rights doesn’t work. We need a nationwide standard. Our lives and loves need to be legally protected at the federal level.

By and large, Democrats get that. They’ve recently added marriage equality to their official party platform, and they also believe that “no one should face discrimination on the basis of race, ethnicity, national origin, language, religion, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, or disability status”.

Republicans, on the other hand, have enshrined discrimination in their own platform. For example:

We reaffirm our support for a Constitutional amendment defining marriage as the union of one man and one woman. We applaud the citizens of the majority of States which have enshrined in their constitutions the traditional concept of marriage, and we support the campaigns underway in several other States to do so.

Further down the document, Republicans do say that “We embrace the principle that all Americans should be treated with respect and dignity”. However, that sentence comes at the end of a paragraph insisting that “the union of one man and one woman must be upheld as the national standard”.  There’s no mention of civil rights guarantees for LGBT Americans.

As one of our aunts used to say, “Screw that”.

Auto industry

President Obama also engineered the rescue of Chrysler and General Motors, saving thousands of jobs in the process.

We freely admit, it’s possible that Mitt Romney’s plan to “let Detroit go bankrupt” might’ve had a similar effect. However, the process would’ve almost certainly dragged on for months, causing more stress and strain for Chrysler and GM, not to mention their workers, dealerships, and suppliers. (Note: under Obama’s plan, GM’s bankruptcy proceedings lasted 32 days, while Chrysler’s lasted ten.)

What’s more, it’s entirely possible that Romney’s plan might’ve resulted in the complete dismantling of both companies. That’s because in 2009, no financial institutions were willing to loan GM or Chrysler the money they needed to get back on their feet. Things were bad enough under Obama’s “pre-packaged Chapter 11 reorganization”, which saw the shuttering of beloved brands like Pontiac and Saturn, as well as hundreds of dealerships.

But let’s imagine lenders had been secured. In that scenario, would Romney’s plan have allowed Chrysler to survive on its own, without needing help from an Italian car company? Possibly, if the loan terms had been agreeable and if the bankruptcy had gone quickly and smoothly. However, let’s not forget that from 1998 until 2007, Chrysler was partly owned by another European automaker, Daimler; that match-up didn’t result in the wholesale outsourcing of American jobs to Europe as some had feared.

But most troubling of all — at least where the two current presidential candidates are concerned — is Romney’s repeated claim that Chrysler is planning to send U.S. jobs to China. That is patently false. What Chrysler is doing is evaluating whether or not to reopen factories in China that it closed before the Great Recession. Now that the American and Chinese auto markets are rolling gaily along, it makes sense for Chrysler to consider such a move, which is no different than, say, Volkswagen building cars for the U.S. market in Tennessee, or Mercedes-Benz doing so in Alabama, or Hyundai doing the same thing in Georgia.

Whether you’re for or against federal loans to Chrysler and GM, whether you’re supportive or wary of unions, twisting the truth of a poorly written news article and trying to scare swing-state voters by raising the boogeyman of China is deplorable. If you’re going to attack Obama (rather than present your own solutions to pressing problems), there are plenty of valid complaints you could make without resorting to falsehoods.

Bottom line

We understand the frustration that many Americans have felt the last four years. The jobless rate is still high, and the economy hasn’t recovered as quickly as anyone would like.

However, we also understand that LGBT Americans are in a better place today than they were four years ago. “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is dead. The Justice Department has stopped defending DOMA. Federal hate crimes legislation has been passed. Healthcare has been reformed, making life easier for those living with chronic diseases like HIV, which has disproportionately affected our community in the U.S.  And both President Obama and Vice President Biden have come out in favor of marriage equality.

Many Republicans would like to reverse such gains. Though Governor Romney and his running mate, Paul Ryan, have said that they’re reluctant to reinstate “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”, both are eager to revoke the Affordable Care Act, replacing it with their own plan that would allow insurers to continue denying coverage for pre-existing conditions. And of course, both firmly believe that one-man, one-woman marriage should be enshrined in the U.S. Constitution.

Not everyone Republican agrees with Romney and Ryan. Similarly, not every Democrat agrees with Obama and Biden. Tomorrow, your job is to know your candidates’ positions on these important matters and vote.

There’s a lot at stake this Tuesday.

Not only will Americans choose whether or not to re-elect President Barack Obama, but also in four states — Maine, Maryland, Minnesota, and Washington — voters will either stall progress toward marriage equality or permanently codify it as the rule of law. Add to that the potential repeal of DOMA (which would be great) and “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (which wouldn’t), and you’ll see that the many LGBT civil rights wins we’ve achieved over the past four years are now on the line.

But while the presidential election and marriage equality referendums have taken over the headlines, there’s another issue at stake for LGBT voters and our allies. It’s not as politically charged as the others, but it may help guide you when voting for your representatives in the House and Senate. It’s a key piece of legislation that has been introduced in Congress nearly every year since 1994, only to come up short.

That piece of legislation is the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, or ENDA.

ENDA is fundamental to the creation of a comprehensive federal LGBT civil rights policy. Like the Civil Rights Act of 1964, ENDA broadens the scope of federal statues regarding workplace protection, barring employers with more than 15 workers from firing, hiring, or otherwise discriminating against workers or applicants based on sexual orientation and gender identity. (Businesses with fewer than 15 employees would be exempt from ENDA regulations, as would religious organizations.) ENDA will close the gap in states where the protection of LGBT workers is non-existent.

For a real-world example of how ENDA might play out, look at our list of gay-friendly automakers. While many of these companies protect LGBT workers from discrimination, you’ll note that four well-known brands — Hyundai, Kia, Porsche, and Suzuki — don’t. ENDA would address such shortcomings by creating a national standard of protection.

If you want to know your candidate’s stance on ENDA, ask him or her, or visit the candidate’s website. This is hugely important in races for the House and Senate: even though the president may have ultimate say in a matter, the real work of passing legislation starts in Congress.

Our community has a presence in every sector of the automotive industry. We are part of the rank and file on the assembly line. We work in marketing, engineering, design, and finance. We’re employed throughout the supply chain, at oil companies, tire manufacturers, software builders. ENDA will have an impact on all of us.

Consider your vote carefully on election day. It may be the one that brings us closer as a nation — on the assembly line, in the design studio, and in the executive suite.

Imagine Cadillac as the kid on the other side of the chain link fence, hat askew and overalls hanging, looking on as the cool kids from Germany and Japan have the time of their lives knocking the balls of success out of the park with their small, smart upscale compacts.

The first time Cadillac tried to play with the cool kids it showed up with a twig (the Cimarron), dejected. The second time, it came back and tried to hit the ball with a teddy bear (the Catera). Everyone laughed. Cadillac slinked away in shame each time.

So, in light of its history with compact sport sedans one might think Cadillac a masochist for showing up to the game for a third time, but let me tell you, they’ve learned how to play, and this time they’ve brought a bat. A really good bat.

Drive

Cadillac has not been sheepish in highlighting the fact that with the ATS, they aimed to best the ubiquitous BMW 3-series in the performance department. Them’s fightin’ works alright.

I should begin by mentioning that for my test ride, I had the basement baby of the engine line up: the 2.5 liter four-cylinder, producing 202 hp and 190 lb-ft of torque. The 2.5 is a thoroughly unimpressive engine. It’s an engine for your mother, the same one that keeps asking you what the importance of 0-60 times are. I found the best part of the 2.5 to be its ability to not sound like a cheap little four-banger. It’s unobtrusive and composed under throttle, which is the least it could do considering that when it’s time to put the hammer to the metal, this engine’s going to let you down like Amanda Bynes at a sanity convention. Powerful it is not.

Thankfully, buyers can step up to a 2.0T that churns out 272 hp, or a big papa 3.6 V6 that flogs down a dreamy 321 hp. For my cake, the 2.0T sounds the most compelling, as I believe the smaller 2.0T would provide the best weight-to-power scenario for this lightweight chassis.

So anyway, the handling: the ATS steers like warm butter on a pile of Paula Deen’s homestyle mashed potatoes. It’s real, real good, y’all. Input to the steering wheel is registered precisely and smoothly down on the pavement. The rear-wheel-drive ATS delivers crisp, controlled handling which, when coupled with 50/50 weight distribution, produces a very satisfying sport sedan experience. I’d be inclined to say it feels better than the 3-series, whose steering in it’s current iteration feels a bit less connected than the ATS. In reality it’s probably a bit of a wash, but that’s actually very high praise for the ATS.

Exterior

The ATS is handsome. It’s not pretty or gorgeous. The headlights are arguably the most interesting part of the equation here, reaching well back into the fenders. They give the front of the car presence and a touch of uniqueness. Overall the ATS’s design is an undoubtedly masculine execution that even in my laughably named “white diamond tricoat” looked purposeful. At least we know Elizabeth Taylor’s ghost lives on as a paint color-namer at GM.

The most exciting part of the ATS’s exterior is that Cadillac has finally mastered the proportions of their Art & Science design theme. The original and current CTS were interesting to look at with all their points and creases, but they didn’t have the proportions sorted out entirely; there was always an awkward angle to be found. But here, on the ATS, they’ve finally nailed them. The long hood stretches back to a high and tight greenhouse, all of this is rounded out by a short, pert rear. Even the tire-to-body panel spacing has been considered, with the outer edge of the tire damn near perfectly aligned with the outer edge of the wheel well. Someone was paying very close attention to the stance of this car and that effort has paid off in spades.

Interestingly, there are still echoes of ye olde Cadillac, in a totally good way. Allusions to the formality that once dictated all of Cadillac design can be found in the squared, upright C-Pillar and the tall fin-like taillights. These nods to Cadillac’s past are updated, nuanced versions of the originals. It’s still a Cadillac, only smoother.

One niggle I have is something that only 2.5 owners will have to worry about: the 2.5-liter-equipped ATS has a really awkward single tailpipe just kinda stuck in the rear diffuser. It looks so sad and lonely, like Bert without an Ernie.

Interior

CUE is the star here, consisting of a large, eight-inch capacitive touch-screen peacocking up in the center of the dash. Take a seat and shut the door. The CUE system’s main display and auxiliary screen in the gauge cluster behind the steering wheel spring to life in a synchronized 3D extravaganza that features the Cadillac logo bursting into a rapturous cloud of glitter and diamonds shards. It’s a Jennifer Lopez perfume ad every time you turn your car on. It turns even your most mundane milk run into a patriotic fireworks show.

So CUE is really pretty, but CUE can be a bit of a numbnuts too. Cadillac is proud of the fact that the main CUE touchscreen is of the capacitive variety like the iPad. You’d think that would mean smooth and immediate responses to your touch inputs. Wrong. Everything is delayed. Pinch-to-zoom in maps is so delayed it made me feel like I was on peyote or something. CUE’s proximity sensing (buttons appear when you lift your hand up to the screen) is a neat party trick but of no real benefit in an automotive application. Why would I want to have to put my hand up to the screen before I can see what button I want to push? It’s an entirely contrived application.

That said, while CUE and I didn’t get along entirely, it’s by no means unusable. All functions are still able to be completed, just not as effortlessly as I’d like to see. The plus side here is that CUE is fully upgradable through future software updates, which will give GM the opportunity to improve response times and simplify functionality. GM may have stuck it’s neck out a little too early with the current rendition of CUE, but I’m confident upgrades to the software are already in the works. It has promise, it’s just a little lethargic right now

Further down the center stack, things aren’t so rosy. There are the evil little touch-sensitive buttons (they respond to the heat of your finger rather than mechanically depressing) floating in a sea of black plastic below the main CUE screen. It’s VERY pretty BUT…where do you press? Do you press the raised silver island thingy or the symbol itself? You learn that you are supposed to hit the symbol, but it never becomes a very satisfying or direct experience for the user. Luxury, at least in a car, is about being able to relax. I found myself constantly having to babysit the main CUE screen and its touch-sensitive button buddies down below it. Sometimes the system didn’t respond to my jabs. Sometimes it responded incredibly slowly. None of it is a deal-breaker, but it grates on you. These touch-sensitive buttons in their current form seem to offer no benefit over traditional buttons. I’m all for change, but only when there’s a distinct benefit.

Thankfully the rest of the interior is pretty damn gorgeous. It’s easily one of the best executions in this class, with organic, soaring shapes and pleasing textures and colors. Doors and dash are covered in rich looking stitched faux-leather, and fit and finish is beyond reproach.

A final note: the rear seat is for children or friends with small, compact legs. Cadillac has sculpted the hell out of those back seats but there is precious little room for anything that would consider itself a full-size adult male. What’s important to remember though is that the ATS’s length is within 3 inches of the Toyota Corolla’s. Pretty crazy right? Concessions must be made, and honestly when was the last time you used your back seat anyway?

Final Thoughts

In German-car-dominated SoCal, the ATS’s only real battle is going to be with people’s minds.

You see BMW, Audi, and Mercedes are living on easy street. The young professional demographic WANT to like their cars. Allowances are made for any shortcomings with those brands because the prestige associated with them is so high.

It’s the opposite for Cadillac. They’ve only been playing in this arena for a few years (and really only dabbling when it comes to the CTS), so they have a lot to prove. Their product must not only match the established players, it must be BETTER.

Is the ATS better? Well, that depends. If you need a handsome, fun to drive, beautifully built sport sedan, then it’s going to be hard to find a car that balances all those things better. The ATS offers a very compelling package, with a better interior than the BMW 3-series, better handling than the Audi A4, and just about better everything than the Mercedes C-Class.

Cadillac is now officially playing with the cool kids and the ATS deserves the attention of anyone shopping in this category. The ATS is not just a great Cadillac, it’s a great sport sedan period.

Tested vehicle: 2013 Cadillac ATS2.5L luxury collection, MSRP $42,225

Once upon a time, ordering a Ford Mustang with a V6 signified that you were a secretary, a college student, or “worse”, a “man-loving sissy”.

Oh, how times have changed. Don’t get me wrong — you’d get no grief from me if you ordered the 420 hp Mustang GT, 444 hp Boss 302, or 650 hp Shelby GT500. But there’s absolutely no shame in coming out with the V6, either.

The 3.7-liter V6 produces a hunky 305 hp and 280 lb.-ft. of torque, all while running on cheap 87 octane. To get the most of that power, engineers have conjured up a choice of transmissions: a six-speed manual or six-speed automatic with SelectShift capability. Power gets to the road only one way: through the rear wheels. Automatic-equipped cars achieve up to 19/31 mpg city/hwy. That blend of performance and fuel economy is hard to deny.

The only problem is, all that power is harnessed by a chassis that’s seen better days. A solid rear axle remains out back, and while trained by the choreographers in Ford’s engineering department, rough roads will unsettle it like your mother at a pride parade.

That said, the Mustang handles any curves a sober driver can toss it into and many that only the mentally deranged would try. On the whole, ride quality is a balance of firmness and comfort — just what you want in an American muscle car that will spend much of its life at sub-super speeds.

Stylists keep the 2013 Mustang honest, yet stylish. Subtle updated give the car a new grille, a more prominent lower front splitter, and high-intensity discharge headlamps. A long hood, fastback roofline, and kicked-up rear fenders are as recognizable as Elton John’s glasses; LED taillamps maintain the Mustang’s “three-barrel” look while slapping its bum with modern flair. Painted rocker panels, 19″ charcoal-painted alloys, and puddle lamps that project the pony logo onto the ground are nifty accessories.

Updates to the interior are equally subtle, but appreciated. I always hated Ford’s “safety headrests” that uncomfortably forced your head downward. New seats, available in contrasting leather, are comfortable, hug your sides, and are blessed with rotating headrests. There’s still too much hard plastic, and the doors sound like they shut in three parts, but the twin dash design looks expensive with silver metallic accents.

Technology like a touchscreen for navigation, audio, and climate control is easy to use and fits nicely in the center stack. Our test car came with the Shaker audio system that will rattle glass but also connects with Ford SYNC voice controls, USB iPod connections, and an in-dash CD player. The availability of AppLink, a free software program, lets SYNC users voice control apps already downloaded on their smartphones.

The Mustang V6 is no sissy, looking debonair with its updated styling, foot-tapping power, and fuel efficiency. It’s just time to quit making excuses for the rear dance missteps, cut the interior plastic, and create a door that doesn’t sound like it came from a ’75 Ford LTD. Accomplish that, and Ford will have a Mustang ready for the next 50 years.

2013 Ford Mustang V6
Four-passenger, RWD coupe
Powertrain: 305hp 3.7-liter V6, six-speed automatic transmission
Suspension f/r: Ind/Solid axle
Wheels: 19”/19” alloy f/r
Brakes: disc/disc fr/rr with ABS
Must-have features: Heritage, power
Fuel economy: 19/31 mpg city/hwy
Assembly: Flat Rock, MI
Base/As-tested price: $22,200/$33,220

Howdy, all:

Just a quick post to say that we’re thinking of our friends and family in the Northeast today. Those of us in New Orleans and along the Gulf Coast know all too well what they’re going through right now.

If you happen to live in Hurricane Sandy’s path, we hope you’re safe, sound, and dry. For those who live elsewhere, please consider making a contribution to the Red Cross, to one of the homeless shelters in New Jersey, New York, and other states affected by the storm, or to the charity of your choice.

That’s all for now. Later this afternoon, we’ll return to your regularly scheduled car news.

It’s Friday. It’s October. It’s an election year. Add all that up, and we’re hankering for a distraction — anything other than attack ads and fact-checking and screechy Facebook posts. We’re not trying to be apolitical, we’re not trying to dodge serious issues, WE WOULD JUST LIKE A TEN-MINUTE CEASE FIRE. Please.

Thankfully, Sam Gomez has obliged us with a wee bit of auto-themed Hollywood trivia — no binders, Big Bird, or bayonets included. You’re welcome.

• Did you know that the rear under-ride bar required on all large trucks came as a result of Jayne Mansfield’s death?  Known as the “Mansfield bar“, this little bar across the rear of the truck, often flagged in red and white striping, is designed to keep vehicles from going under the truck should it be rear-ended. In 1967, Mansfield, her husband, and her driver died after their convertible slid under a semi-truck during a rear-end collision. Mansfield daughter, Law and Order’s Mariska Hargitay, was in the backseat with her two brothers, and all three were unharmed.

• Sammy Davis Jr. lost his left eye in car accident near San Bernardino in 1954, most likely from his face smashing into the steering wheel of the Cadillac he was driving. No one knows for sure, but it was surmised that upon impact, Davis’ eye slammed smack into the raised Cadillac crown logo found at the center of the steering wheel on Cadillacs at the time. Since then, no American-made vehicle has been allowed to have anything but a flat design on the steering wheel.  Today, steering wheels also contain airbags.  In a crash today, Davis most likely would have kept his left eye intact.

• James Dean crashed his Porsche Spyder 550 on September 30, 1955, and died from his injuries in an isolated area of central California. Dean was known as reckless and was an admitted “speed freak”, so the assumption (since there were no eyewitnesses) was that Dean was driving recklessly, exceeding more than 90 miles an hour, and accelerating into the crash rather than braking. A few years back, however, a documentary by the Viasat History Network of Norway recreated the accident. It concluded that Dean was, in fact, actually driving just 70 miles per hour and had braked hard in an effort to avoid crashing. If true, Dean has been incorrectly blamed all these years for causing his own death, especially if ….

• …rumors about Dean’s passenger, Rolf Weutherich, can ever be proven. Weutherich was a mechanic traveling with Dean to a car rally in Salinas that day. In a car just behind Dean and Weutherich were Don Dooley, age 15, and his brother-in-law, who was driving. The first to arrive on the crash scene, Dooley insists to this day that Weutherich was driving Dean’s Porsche because, upon approaching the Spyder, Dooley found Dean in the passenger seat. Police reports dismissed Dooley’s account because of his age. In addition, the Viasat documentary determined that upon impact, Dean had been pushed into the passenger seat. Weutherich was too injured to provide any recollection of the accident, and shortly after he recovered from his injuries sustained in the crash, he moved back to his native Germany. Ironically, he also died in a car accident in 1981, having never spoken on record about the crash.

• Cal Poly student Donald Turnupseed was on his way home to the city of Tulare, California when he literally ran into James Dean that day, driving his 1950 Ford while merging onto Highway 41 from Highway 46 near Cholame. Turnupseed’s car struck Dean’s Porche on the driver’s side door. Shortly after the accident, Turnupseed gave an interview to the Tulare Advance Register, but subsequently, his parents worked furiously to shield him from the press and vengeful Dean fans. The cause of the crash was never officially determined and neither driver was deemed at fault. Turnupseed ran a successful electrical business in Tulare for most his life, though according to friends, he was always haunted by the crash. Despite thousands of requests over 50 years from all over the world, he never gave another interview. A request from Germany came just months before Mr. Turnupseed’s death in 2005 in Tulare.

Wasn’t that refreshing? True, it was a little gory, but we’re closing in on Halloween. Just trying to put you in the spirit. (Pun intended.)

We now return you to your family and friends’ cat pics and political rants.

I like autumn, but the 40-degree weather that signals the coming of winter and froze my sweet ass off at a recent football game, not so much. So, I said “eff-it” and hopped a plane to L.A., where winter is a concept locals only hear about on cable news. I figured a Mercedes C63 AMG would warm the chill, so I threw it down the Pacific Coast Highway to see if it would grip the curves or become a V8-powered cigarette boat.

For the AMG version of the C63, Mercedes took a 451 hp, 6.3-liter V8, connected it to a paddle-shifted seven-speed automatic transmission with RaceStart function, and skipped the whole 4MATIC thing to get all the power to the rear wheels without delay. That engine makes a full-size sedan seem lightweight, but wedged into the engine bay of a compact coupe, it makes miles evaporate. Fuel economy ratings of 13/19 mpg city/hwy make the gas evaporate, too. But then, this car is not for those interested in saving money.

Down the PCH, the C63 flexed its crafty chassis, giving a death grip to rising crests and sharp curves. The adjustable sport suspension goes from Comfort firm to Sport harsh with the twist of a switch. Kickin’ through the canyons, you can make full use of the engine’s torque going up, plate-size brake discs coming back down, and the real-time adjusting suspension anytime. Too bad every road isn’t like the PCH: on semi-trounced city streets, the car was jarring, even with the suspension set in Comfort mode. One has to make sacrifices to the gods of speed.

Even without brain-squeezing fun, you know the C63 is not your docile little C250 coupe. That big chrome star in the grille, wrap-around LED taillamps, LED running lights, and kicked-out 18” AMG five-spokes shod with performance tires scream power. If still in doubt, check out the AMG-embossed chrome exhaust outlets and carbon fiber spoiler. Twin bulges in the hood pay homage to the 300SL Gullwing. The coupe has style, but the upturned rear windowline cribs Honda’s Accord.

Thwamp-close the big heavy doors and open the dual pane panoramic sunroof to settle inside. The C-Class is about the only Mercedes that still bears the traditional notched gear selector and I still love it. Going AMG brings in two-tone heated leather seats with thick bolsters, carbon fiber dash trim, leather and suede steering wheel, aluminum shift paddles, AMG sill plates, and RACETIMER in the classic three-pod instrument cluster.

That’s all nice, but I just wanted to crank up the Harman/Kardon surround audio system, Bluetooth my phone, and plot a course with the NAV system toward the setting sun. Blind Spot Assist, Lane Keeping Assist, and the rearview camera were great saviors in tight parking garages and busy streets.

If you need a flashy car for L.A., the C63 makes a good partner as long as you can stand the firm suspension and voracious appetite for $5 gasoline. Anybody coughing up $78,965 (as-tested) surely won’t care. Almost shedding a tear as I left the car at the airport, I contemplated filling it up and driving it all the way home. At least then there’d be something to warm my winter blues.

2013 Mercedes-Benz C63 AMG
Four-passenger, RWD coupe
Powertrain: 451hp, 6.3-liter V8, seven-speed automatic transmission
Suspension f/r: Elect. Ind/Ind
Wheels: 18”/18” alloy f/r
Brakes: disc/disc fr/rr with ABS
Must-have features: Power, prestige
0-62 mph: 4.4s
Top speed (governed): 155 mph
Fuel economy: 13/19 mpg city/hwy
Assembly: Bremen, Germany
Base/as-tested price: $62,330/$78,965

We’re closing in on one of the LGBT community’s High Holy days — Halloween — but that hasn’t stopped us from watching the news feeds. Here are a couple of auto-related stories that caught our eye over the weekend. Have a look while you’re laying out plans for your sexy zombie/Big Bird/Wonder Woman-in-a-binder costume:

• Animal rights advocates have long complained about the horse-drawn buggies in New York’s Central Park. Last year, after three horses collapsed on city streets within six weeks, activists ramped up efforts to outlaw the buggies and replace them with something equally attractive but far less cruel: classic cars.

The lobbying efforts have gone well so far: activists have persuaded 23 out of 51 council members to support the switch. Tomorrow, the activists’ organization, NYClass, is holding a gala fundraiser for their cause, and PETA spokesmodel Pam Anderson asked council member/out-and-proud lesbian Christine Quinn to be her date to the affair in hopes of wooing her vote.

Alas, Anderson’s womanly wiles weren’t enough to turn the head of Quinn, who recently married her partner, Kim Catullo. Quinn sent a polite message saying that she’s already booked for the night. That’s bad news for animal rights advocates, since Quinn is a key council vote and a front-runner to take Michael Bloomberg’s office in the next mayoral election. (Quinn’s snub isn’t especially surprising, though, since she’s apparently a fan of the carriages.)

Personally, I hope that Quinn comes around to support the measure. I love the idea of hopping into a waiting Caddy convertible with my husband and yelling, “Once around the park, Mack!” And even with today’s high gas prices, it’d be cheaper than those carriages are.

• On a lighter note, Lexus has upped its LGBT cred once again. As you probably recall, the luxury automaker was recently feted by GLAAD for its support of The Advocate‘s 45th anniversary issue and was in the process of doing something similar for OUT‘s 20th anniversary.

Now, Lexus has debuted a new ad for its ES and ES Hybrid, and it’s the company’s first commercial aimed specifically at LGBT consumers. There’s no word on exactly where it’ll run, and frankly, it’s subtle enough that some viewers might miss the references. But there’s no mistaking those HRC cufflinks:

Are you wearing purple? You should be: today is Spirit Day, a nationwide event that draws attention to the dangers of bullying and generates support for LGBT youth. Purple is its signature color.

Spirit Day is an initiative of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD), and this year, Toyota Financial Services has joined the cause by creating a new “Go Purple for #SpiritDay“ app for Android and iOS smartphones. Toyota say that the app “provides users with anti-bullying resources, calls to action, and a tool that can turn photos purple”. Those purple photos can then be shared on social networks like Facebook and Twitter to increase awareness of Spirit Day.

Ann Bybee, the vice president, corporate strategy, communications, and community relations at Toyota Financial Services says that “Going purple for the day is a small but powerful way we can all show our support for those who have been bullied or who fear being bullied. It is so important to raise awareness that bullying isn’t acceptable. At Toyota, we have always embraced a guiding principle of ‘respect for people,’ which has made us the company we are today. And it is a principle that includes not only our employees and customers, but everyone, without exception.”

So far, Toyota is the only automaker that we know of with an official Spirit Day affiliation. (Industry friends: correct us if we’re wrong!) However, there are plenty of other corporations onboard, including American Apparel, AT&T, CNBC, Delta Air Lines, Hewlett-Packard, Logo, MTV, the NBA and WNBA, the New York Stock Exchange, Warner Brothers, and Yahoo!.

Is your workplace participating in Spirit Day? Let us know in the comments below. And be sure to download the Go Purple for #SpiritDay app from Google Play or iTunes.

Small cars are a big deal nowadays, and perhaps no one knows that like the LGBT community.

That’s because of two reasons:

• LGBT shoppers tend to be far more environmentally conscious than their straight peers. Although not all small cars are eco-friendly, they certainly appear to be — and sometimes, that’s all that matters.

• Also, a significant percentage of LGBT consumers live in urban areas. (That’s especially true in cities with established LGBT communities, which can be attractive to folks who’ve grown up in small towns, living in the closet.) For city-dwellers who need a ride of their own, small cars are far more convenient.

(I could go out on a limb and say that today’s small cars like the MINI Cooper and the Ford Fiesta are also more fashion-forward than larger cars, and our community has a reputation for being very style-conscious. That claim would be entirely anecdotal  though.)

But even though interest in small cars is growing in the U.S., it’s important to note that those rides aren’t as small as they used to be. As evidence, look no further than this infographic from Automotive.com, which shows just how much bigger vehicles like the Honda Civic have become over the past few decades.

Why the growth spurt? Perhaps it has to do with safety — not just safety features, which have added heft to many vehicles, but also the appearance of safety. Unlike our European counterparts, Americans have often been wary of tiny rides, claiming that they don’t look safe. By beefing up compacts and subcompacts, automakers may be working to improve their vehicles’ visual appeal.

Then again, it could just be because we’ve gotten fat.

If you drive a small car, we’d love to know what attracted you to your vehicle. Style? Safety? Fuel economy? Convenience? All of the above?  Leave us a note in the comments below.

On the way to my favorite coffee shop in the XF Supercharged, I give a wave to a gentleman in a Jaguar E-Type. He nods back, acknowledging the passing of time and technology. Both cars are clearly Jaguars. I’m just happy to have the latest one for my 20th high school reunion.

If I had driven a car like this two decades ago, I would have been a super stud even without athletic talent. Who needs skills like catching a ball or running fast when a car like this is under your rump? My classmates would have gone nuts seeing it pull up to Friday night football games, and no doubt, they would’ve hit me up for after-school rides during our endless study hall/magazine marathons. But alas, it is a car of this century and not the last.

The XF draws attention with smooth styling that would look handsome at any valet stand or practice field parking lot. The cross-hatch chrome grille, 20” alloys, fastback roofline, and hood vents tell the world that it’s fast. I initially thought it looked too much like a Lexus, but it dropped jaws wherever it went. All of the boys at the bar sure liked it. I like the fact that it’s a pure design, fit for an adult, without childish wings and things.

Drivers feel like James Bond when they press the starter button and feel the gear selector knob rise into their hand. Being a Jaguar, the cabin is swathed in heated/cooled soft leather seats, stitched leather dash and door coverings, and acres of wood and aluminum. A touchscreen controls the audio, climate control, and navigation, but its ease of use only enhances the cabin ambiance  Techies will devour the XF’s Bluetooth, USB iPod connection, blind spot monitor, and electrically-heated windshield.

No matter what you think of the styling, once you wake the engine, all fashion drifts away. The 470 hp, 5.0-liter supercharged V8 growls to life, ready to set fire to the rear wheels through a paddle-shifted six-speed automatic transmission. If you get pulled over, just tell the nice officer that the Devil and a wave of endorphins made you do it. The real devil may be in the 15/21 mpg fuel economy ratings, but nobody in their right mind thinks a car like this sips fuel.

Nothing drives like a Jaguar. The chassis and steering convey a light athleticism that is very un-German, and delightfully so. More than most competitors, the XF is a sports car, long and low, with passengers set deep in the chassis. There is an intimacy that eludes more common luxury sedans.

After an emotional weekend, my partner and I snugged into the XF around 10:00pm and hit the interstate back to Indianapolis. I don’t know if it was my mind running through years of memories, or the car’s ability to warp time, but we were back home in time for martinis. Before leaving, we gave a wave to a gentleman reminiscing over the past. Turns out, it could have been me. An as-tested $69,950 price is certainly for the well-heeled man.

2013 Jaguar XF Supercharged
Five-passenger, RWD sedan
Powertrain: 470hp 5.0-liter SC V8, six-speed automatic transmission
Suspension f/r: Ind/Ind
Wheels: 20”/20” alloy f/r
Brakes: disc/disc fr/rr with ABS
Must-have features: Style, performance
Fuel economy (est.): 15/21 mpg city/hwy
Assembly: Castle Bromwich, UK
Base/As-tested price: $68,100/$69,950

Note: This is a guest post from one of Gaywheels’ newest contributors, Randy Stern. You can follow Randy on his blog, RandyStern.net.

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What’s one of the best — or worst — parts of election season? Bumper stickers.

For decades, the rear bumpers of our vehicles have told the story of where we stand politically. The names of our preferred presidential candidates have been emblazoned on the backs of our cars, our trucks, our SUVs. Statewide or local candidates we favor the most – even causes we believe in – also take up space to let motorists behind us know how we’ll vote on election day.

Bumper stickers can be a great barometer of public opinion. Seeing more stickers for one particular candidate or ballot measure can indicate where the polls are going.

LGBT motorists have this down to an art. And when you have four states with ballot measures involving marriage equality — as we do this November in Maine, Maryland, Minnesota, and Washington —  you can expect us to step up support for our side.

In Minnesota, the measure to codify the state constitution and make the traditional definition of marriage permanent has electrified the LGBT community. Just looking at the number of vehicles with “No” bumper stickers opposing the amendment, our community and our allies seem to be winning. However, the polls conducted by various media outlets across Minnesota tell a different story: the measure is currently too close to call.

And so, our team has had to step up its game. Leading the charge: Richard Herod III. He’s taken the “Vote No” message off of the rear bumper and made it larger than life. Herod’s idea began as a response to a rule imposed against him – right at his home.

Three weeks ago, Herod’s townhome owner’s association asked him to remove a “Vote No” yard sign from his lawn, citing one of the association’s rules. While fighting the association, Herod decided instead to display the same anti-amendment stance on his own Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution.

The townhome association changed its ruling one week ago, allowing yard signs. However, the decal job on Herod’s Evo took on another life entirely.

After Herod posted a photo of his Evo with the “Vote No” message, some of his friends asked how he did it – and if they could get decals for their own vehicles. Subsequently, a photo of Herod’s blue Evo was posted on the Facebook page of Minnesotans United for All Families, the campaign opposing the ballot measure. That picture and Herod’s accompanying story have more likes than any other story on that page this month. As of today, Herod’s post has earned nearly 900 likes and over 70 shares. It was named the Most Liked photo on the popular social media networking site so far this month.

So far, Herod has applied decals on 14 vehicles, including one driven by a founder of Minnesotans United for All Families. On the day I caught up with Herod, he was doing five different vehicles at a friend’s home in Minneapolis.

The decals begin as a vinyl adhesive that’s applied to the vehicle. Applying the decal requires patience and planning to ensure that the three parts of the kit fit on the side and back of the vehicle. The rear part – the tag line for the campaign – is designed to fit on back windows, bumpers or on the trunk/liftgate.

There’s a fee for the decals themselves, but Herod donates his time to apply them and will give a donation to Minnesotans United for All Families. The decal comes in three different kits, depending on the color of the vehicle. After the election, the decals can be removed with help from a hair dryer.

According to Herod, response to the decals has been overwhelmingly positive and supportive from within and beyond the LGBT community. So far, there have been no reports of negative reactions or actions against any vehicle displaying them. He continues to apply the decals, hoping for a possible “decaling” party on one of the weekends leading up to Election Day.

As the race continues to be too close to call, those of us demanding marriage equality in Minnesota have become louder. Just look at the side of the vehicle that’s passing you.

For information on obtaining decals for the opposition to Minnesota’s marriage amendment, you contact Richard Herod III directly at kickboxer1977@aol.com. For more photos of the decals, check out my Flickr gallery.

Mercedes-Benz is famous for its SL sports cars and S-Class sedans. The Gullwings are iconic, but so is the brick house G-Class SUV. Originally developed for the German military, it evolved into a posh mountain goat that can climb over almost anything with its three locking differentials. For similar style, but a more urban attitude, check the GLK350 crossover.

Unlike some of the espresso beans it competes against, the GLK wears its family heritage with pride. Square profiles pay homage to the past while a newly-streamlined nose, 19” alloys, and ethereal light tube taillamps caress the wind. A huge grille with twin lamellas and three-pointed star could have come from the E-Class Cabrio – as could the bulging rear fenders that trace back to ‘50s mid-size “Ponton” models. Nobody else could summon its history for a crossover like this.

Mercedes aficionados will notice two big changes inside. To provide for large center consoles, updates eliminated the traditional notched gear selector and replaced it with a stalk on the steering column. Designers also made a concession to non-Mercedes folks by switching locations of the turn signal/wiper stalk and cruise control. Cruise has the same multi-directional stick as before, but it’s now located below the signals as in most other cars.

There’s still a lot that’s familiar, like the traditional three-pod instrument cluster. Burl walnut graces the dash and doors while bulls-eye air vents echo the SL and “E-Class” from the ’70s and ’80s. Back then, owners never imagined Bluetooth-enabled hands-free calling, joywheel-controlled screens for navigation and audio, or a USB iPod connection. Heated seats, automatic climate control, and two-panel moonroof delight. You can get leather, but I prefer MB-Tex leatherette that will out-live the engine, paint, and possibly even The Apocalypse.

Off-road heritage hits the weeds when you stick your cleat into the 302 hp 3.5-liter V6. 4MATIC AWD and a seven-speed automatic transmission make good use of that thrust to move the wagon from 0-60 mph in 6.4 seconds. To save gas, the GLK comes standard with an ECO start/stop mode that pauses the engine while stopped and re-starts it when drivers lift from brake to throttle. Expect 25 mpg hwy.

Structurally, the GLK is essentially a C-Class wagon. A fully-independent suspension and electrically-powered steering provide agility. Mercedes’ super-articulating front wheels let the GLK turn into incredibly-tight parking spaces and narrow city streets. The shocks are specially tuned to balance high-speed handling with soft trail running.

To keep drivers awake, GLKs come standard with Attention Assist that reads drivers’ behavior and provides audible alerts if they seem unresponsive. Our test car also came with Blind Spot Assist that not only warns drivers of objects in their blind spot, but will activate the stability control system to nudge them away.

Each Mercedes is inevitably judged against those that came before, as well as contemporaries from Germany, America, and Japan. Against both standards, the GLK350 stands the test – a true Mercedes tuned to the times. Base prices start just over $37,000, but our loaded test vehiclecame to $47,805.

2013 Mercedes-Benz GLK350 4MATIC
Five-passenger, AWD crossover
Powertrain: 302 hp 3.5-liter V6, seven-speed automatic transmission
Suspension f/r: Ind/Ind
Wheels: 19”/19” alloy f/r
Brakes: disc/disc fr/rr with ABS
Must-have features: Comfort, heritage, 0-60 mph in 6.4 seconds
Fuel economy (est.): 18/25 mpg city/hwy
Assembly: Bremen, Germany
Base/as-tested price: $37,090/$47,805

One of my favorite shows this summer was “In the Big House” on LOGO. In one scene, former mobster “Big Lou” tries to give his gay son, Luis, advice on building muscle mass. Luis points to his ripped abs and asks his dad what he’s talking about. His dad counters, “Yeah, but it’s gay muscle”. Point being, there’s powerful-beat-up-the schmuck-you’re-intimidating muscle and then there’s hey-I’m-sexy-and-pretty muscle. Both are hot, but the latter will get you in a lot less trouble. (Well, usually.)

You can get the Dodge Charger in “Big Lou” SRT trim with a 470hp 6.2-liter V8, but I prefer the slimmer “Louis” SXT version with a 3.6-liter V6 that delivers 292 hp and 19/31 mpg city/hwy. The V6 won’t knock the wind out of Mustangs and Camaros, but it will shuck the dew off your mother and doesn’t cost much at dinner. A paddle-shifted eight-speed automatic transmission is as smooth as a West Hollywood chest.

Today’s young muscle is conscious of his style. It’s a more elegant ride with heated red leather seats, aluminum dashboard and console trim, and acres-wide dash swoop. Rear passengers lounge in comfy sofas. Gray-blue lighting sets the mood while emanating from the door handles, footwells, and even the rear cupholders. It’s a muscle car that a man of refinement can drive without feeling all-carnal.

Designers cleverly fitted a heap of technology into the Charger’s cabin. Whoever developed the world’s easiest-to-use touchscreen should be given a Nobel Prize. You can select the mode (radio, navigation, climate, etc.) from clearly-marked icons at the bottom of the screen. Once there, all functions are labeled and segregated in a way that would make Apple envious. Large volume and tuning knobs sit below to make the basics intuitive. Finally, a factory-installed navigation system that’s as easy to program as a Garmin.

Styling is a mix of “General Lee” and “Terminator”. You can see the classic look of 40 years ago in the side scallops, taillamps, fastback roofline and long nose, but style comes forward with a rear wing, front splitter, and expert body shaping that makes the car aerodynamic without cribbing jelly bellys. A drunken Lou wouldn’t miss the 164 LEDS that form Dodge’s trademark “racetrack” taillamps.

Under its taut skin, the Charger isn’t what Grandma thinks it is. The big rear-drive sedan rides on a vehicle architecture derived from the late-‘90s Mercedes E-Class. While those components may be plastic-wrapped couches among current Autobahn-burners, they are wholly world-class on America’s interstates. Stiff body structures allow the firm independent suspension system to soak up rough pavement and clip through corners.

Rounding out the menu, our car came with adaptive cruise control (which automatically keeps a safe distance from cars ahead), Blind Spot Monitoring, Rear Cross Path Detection, and Forward Collision Warning. The later saved my bum by beeping and engaging the brakes to avoid rear-ending a Hyundai. I would have gone to my grave listening to the Alpine audio system.

The V6-powered Charger is sexy enough to flex your gay muscle, and smooth enough for a second glance, but what Dodge offers could easily send you to the Big House. American muscle and German athletics never caused such a ruckus.

Price as-tested came to $34,935.

2013 Dodge Charger SXT
Five-passenger, RWD sedan
Powertrain: 292 hp, 3.6-liter V6, 8-speed automatic transmission
Suspension f/r: Ind/Ind
Wheels: 20”/20” alloy f/r
Brakes: disc/disc fr/rr with ABS
Must-have features: Style, muscle
Fuel economy: 19/31 mpg city/hwy
Assembly: Brampton, ON
Base/as-tested price: $28,495/$34,935

Photographer Megan Green is known for her spectacular shots of cars and car culture. Recently, Megan sent Gaywheels three sets of her work, two of which ran the last couple of Fridays. Here’s her third and final series, “Driven”, along with a note from the artist.

You can see more of Megan’s work at MeganGreenPhotographer.com.

My “Driven” series is essentially about entropy; it’s the automotive equivalent of “ruin porn“. I’m attracted to the textures of old, beat up cars, the weeds growing up and around the abandoned vehicles, and the left-behind, lonely nature of the cars — once driven and beloved — left to the elements by their owners.

When driving outside of the city, I see glimpses of these skeletons in stranger’s backyards, and I feel compelled to stop and sneak over to grab a picture. I shot this series using a Holga — a $25 plastic film camera — on black and white film. The film texture and vignetting from the Holga, I think, adds to the melancholy beauty of these forlorn vehicles.

On Tuesday night, the auto industry made quite a splash at the 2012 GLAAD Amplifier Awards.

Auto insurer Allstate took home gold in the Digital Advertising category for its “Equality Is ______” campaign. And as we mentioned yesterday on the Gaywheels Facebook page, Chevrolet nabbed a trophy for its acclaimed “Mom, Dad, I’m Electric” ad, which tied for first place in the LGBT Advertising category with spot from Lexus that ran in The Advocate‘s 45th anniversary issue.

But Lexus isn’t stopping there — in fact, the luxury automaker is now working with OUT to celebrate that magazine’s 20th anniversary. (We smell a theme.)

This month, OUT is publishing a 20th Anniversary Collector’s Issue, with Lexus in the role of presenting sponsor. And next Tuesday, October 9, Lexus gets top billing again at the OUT 20th Anniversary Presented by Lexus, which is described as “a VIP celebration being held at W Hollywood’s exclusive outdoor oasis, Station Hollywood”. Sadly, the party isn’t open to the public — or us — but if any of you go, feel free to send over some scandalous behind-the-scenes photos. (Nude royalty is preferred, but we’re not picky. Well, not very.)

And as if that weren’t enough, Lexus is also sponsoring a section on OUT’s website devoted to highlights of the past 20 years in LGBT news. If you’ve got some spare time this afternoon, take a few minutes to stroll down memory lane. Or, if you’re on the young side, do a little research into America’s LGBT history.

Congrats to Lexus and to all the forward-thinking winners at the GLAAD Amplifier Awards. Perhaps in time, companies like these will drag folks like Dan Cathy kicking and screaming into the 21st century.

Lagniappe: Speaking of LGBT-friendly ads, if you haven’t yet watched this clip from Expedia, minimize that spreadsheet and do so,  pronto. It’s not auto-related, but it’s well, well worth three minutes of your time.

Superheroes, your car has arrived.  Whether you’re escaping from evil foes or dating your favorite cat (wo)man, the BMW M6 convertible makes it happen. Some of its features are more the evil-villain type, but it’s all part of the show.

You’ll submit to any superhero contract when you focus your laser eyes on the M6’s slick skin. Our Black Sapphire Metallic example looked like it crept from deep inside a dark cave, shining its way out with LED headlights. Sinister ground effects, slinky 19” alloy wheels, and Michelin ZR-rated tires kept the car grounded. Long and low, the super sled looked super chic with its flying buttress canvas roof that flowed into the rear deck. Batmobiles never looked so good.

If Superman wanted the road-going equivalent of his cape and tights, he’d eat kryptonite for the M6’s 4.4-liter twin-turbo V8 that generates 560 horsepower – enough to press the car from 0 to 62 mph in just 4.3 seconds and to a 155 mph top speed.  (Choose the M Driver’s Package for a pass to 189mph.)  All of that power goes through a seven-speed, double-clutch automatic transmission with manual shift mode.  A car this heavy has no right to be this fast, but you’ll hear no complaints from me. That said, Superman will need a super-size AmEx to foot the M6′s gas bill, given its rating of 14/20 mpg city/hwy.

Spiderman casts a wide web to control the chassis, whether fighting Iceman or the Incredible Hulk.  The suspension and steering can be adjusted for “Comfort”, “Sport”, and “Sport Plus”.  Sport Plus tightens for track days while Comfort softens for touring and commuting.  Active M differentials vary output to the rear wheels for directional stability under full Hulking throttle and for graceful acceleration through corners. But even with special powers like electronic stability control, you’ll want to change the summer tires before the Iceman cometh.

Apparently, The Joker played around inside.  An M-edition heated leather steering wheel with gearshift paddles, heated Merino leather seats, soft-close automatic doors, and heads-up display are divine.  I also appreciated the Lane Change Warning, Lane Departure Warning, and active Blind Spot Detection systems.  BMW’s premium audio system provided this flick’s soundtrack.  Front seats are roomy, but even while wearing tights, Robin would have a snug fit in back.  Craftsmanship abounds.

But, for what evil reason did BMW skip a Park function on the gear selector?  After consulting the owner’s manual, I understand one has to leave the car in either Drive or Reverse, and shut the engine off with the start/stop button, whereby the car automatically goes into Park.  Forget muscles: apparently drivers need telepathic powers.  I’m still no fan of the array of iDrive menus it requires to find favorite songs, adjust the bass, or navigate – all functions that take seconds in a Chevy.  The easiest feature is the power top: one button does it all.

I could get used to this super hero stuff, but there’s no sneaking around Gotham in cloak, because the M6 draws crowds everywhere it goes.  Driving one makes you feel immortal.  While the M6 looks like it burst from a secret Bavarian lair, some parts should not have emerged so fast.  An extra-stellar $122,096 as-tested price puts it against the Cadillac CTS-V, Mercedes-Benz E550, and Audi S5.

2013 BMW M6
Four-passenger, RWD convertible
Powertrain: 560 hp, 4.4-liter Turbo V8, 7-speed automatic transmission
Suspension f/r: Electronic Ind/Ind
Wheels: 19”/19” alloy f/r
Brakes: disc/disc fr/rr with ABS
Must-have features: Style, power
Fuel economy: 14/20 mpg city/hwy
Assembly: Dingolfing, Germany
Base/As-tested price: $113,100/$122,095

Photographer Megan Green is known for her spectacular shots of cars and car culture. Recently, Megan sent Gaywheels three sets of her work, the first of which debuted last Friday. Here’s a series she calls “Lebanon Valley”, along with a note from the artist.

You can see more of Megan’s work at MeganGreenPhotographer.com.

The “Lebanon Valley” series is one of my more personal series because it involves family and memory. When I was a kid, my sister and I were occasionally allowed to go with my cousins and uncles to the races there. One uncle had started racing cars at 16, and worked on a pit crew for a friend’s car.

My first camera was a Kodak Instamatic, and I would sit in the stands with my father watching the cars and carefully frame my photos, believing in my naive eight-year-old-heart that my picture was special and it would look like a pro shot of a racing car, not a crappy snapshot with the chain link fence between me and the blurry car. One time, we stopped by the drivers’ garage, and the race car was outside on the trailer. I stood there with my Mom squirming, wishing I had my Instamatic with me so I could take photos of the stock car.

These days, I drive up toward the Berkshires and head to the races with my uncle, now an unofficial mayor of the pit. Stock cars — Pro, Pure, and Modified Big Blocks — race on a half-mile, banked clay track every Saturday night from April to September.

Car numbers and teams are handed down from father to son or daughter at regional tracks like Lebanon Valley. The pit teems with a temporary city — camaraderie, competition, families, friends, enemies, and lots of dirt. I will be shooting there much more in the summer of 2013, with the hope of eventually turning this series into a book.

Note: this is a guest review from one of Gaywheels’ newest contributors, Sam Miller-Christiansen. You can follow Sam on his website, on Twitter, and on YouTube.

I’d flown to Detroit to experience the Woodward Dream Cruise, an enormous, cult-ish meeting of extremely enthusiastic vintage car owners and their rides that takes place for two days each summer on the first paved road in America. I saw someone driving around with two skeletons in the backseat of their late-80s Oldsmobile Cutlass Convertible. It’s all a bit strange.

My blasé attitude toward the Dream Cruise can be attributed to one thing. I’d made the mistake of visiting the GM Heritage Center first.

The folks at GM were kind enough to grant me access to this hallowed site located in a completely unassuming warehouse in the middle-of-nowhere Michigan. It looks as if they could be selling discount copy machines out the side door or something. But oh my how looks can be deceiving.

This modest exterior completely belies the delicious treasures that lay within. One step through the front door and I was instantly transformed into a mumbling superlative-spewing Gollum, rushing about with sweaty palms and darting eyes. There before me lay a pristine, sparkling collection of cars I honestly never believed I would ever see up-close. Also let me clarify, when I say cars I actually mean priceless concepts and prototype vehicles. It’s like the auto enthusiast’s equivalent of the treasure room on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland — only all this treasure is real. Gimme.

My top 3

1.  1959 Cadillac Cyclone Concept

Ay dios mio. If I had to choose one car in the entire collection to try to steal it would have to be the 1959 Cadillac Cyclone Concept. That’s hypothetically speaking, of course, said the writer to GM’s legal team, who I’m sure will read this at some point.

The Cyclone Concept has had a bit of a trans experience. It began life as a pale yellow car with high tail fins. In an unusual twist, its famous designer, Harley Earl, had the car refinished a few years after its debut, bathed in a steely silver with the fins chopped way down. The result is absolutely breathtaking, with the short demure fins accentuating the sleek, bullet-like body. It’s a nip-tuck done right. An automotive Jocelyn Wildenstein it is not.

Why make it my #1? This car summarizes all that I find sexy about mid-century car design and is quintessentially Cadillac. It’s bold and beautiful but also dignified and not brash in any way. It’s also futuristic but not in an over-the-top freaky way. In other words, how every Cadillac should be.

2. Harley’s Earl’s 1951 LeSabre

Quick history lesson: Harley Earl was basically the Steve Jobs of his time. Completely innovation driven, this man pretty much created the automotive design department, being so badass that he often drove the concept cars he and his team created as his daily drivers, the first being the Buick Y-Job (which coincidentally was also the first concept car ever).

In 1951 Earl penned the LeSabre you see here and set the design direction for the entire industry for the next decade. It looks giant and imposing in photos but up close it’s actually quite small and very low. Chalk that up to the power of dramatic styling. The LeSabre even sports a moisture sensitive bit of metal in between the seats. If Harley ever left the top down and a rain storm showed up unexpectedly, the moisture sensitive plate would tell the LeSabre to raise the roof automatically. Wiz, bang.

At right is a photo of me laying in between the Y-Job and the LeSabre. I am doing this simply because I could. I’ve never felt more badass in all my life.

3. 1985 Cadillac Cimarron Dual-Cowl (the concept of your nightmares)

99.95% of everything from the 1980s was bad. I’m pretty sure that can be scientifically proven. It’s as if “cheap and ugly” were enforced by the United Nations or something. So if you weren’t Burt Reynolds or a shoulder pad manufacturer, you probably had a pretty bad 80s. GM had a particularly bad 80s with broken-down design and well, just about broken-down everything.

The Cadillac Cimarron became the poster child of just how low GM had sunk by the mid 1980s. Introduced in 1982, it was little more than a gussied up Chevy Cavalier with an enormous price hike. A direct slap in the face to the consumer.

I knew nothing about the 1985 Cadillac Cimarron Dual-Cowl convertible concept before my trip the the Heritage Center. It called to me from across the floor, a bizarre tan and maroon bar of soap on wheels. The interior was replete with everything you’d need in the 80s: CRT touch-control monitors, car phones, and confusing ergonomics. The only thing that could have possibly made it better would have been a fax machine built into the center console. I suppose the biggest surprise was that the word “Cimarron” wasn’t taped over on this car, as it’s such a sore spot for GM. It’s stunningly horrid in person, but I loved it for being so odd and unnecessary. Everyone needs a rock-bottom. Cadillac, here is yours.

The Chevy Volt’s Granddaddy

The 1966 Electrovair was basically an electrified 1966 Chevy Corvair (the standard internal combustion version being a controversial and progressive car in its time). It’s awesome to know that GM was thinking about electrification even at a time when gasoline was as free-flowing as hypocrisy from a Chick-Fil-A executive’s mouth. The batteries on display look like something that could just explode at any time. I’m sure that’s not the case but old battery technology just kinda freaks me out. It all looks so dangerous. Seriously, Wikipedia it (or just look it up on the GM Heritage Center website). Creepy huh?

The one that got away: 2004 Chevy Nomad Concept

I wanted so badly for Chevy to build the Nomad. It was sporty and utilitarian, perhaps the perfect bachelor’s car. I can understand why they didn’t build it — most people I’ve shown it to recoiled with hatred and confusion — but being an only child I still think they should have built one just for me because my mom says I’m special.

Our American Crossroads – America’s most depressing moving diorama

A bit of a side attraction was the working guts of one of GM’s Futureliners. The Futureliners traveled the US as part of a show called “Parade of Progress” that basically delivered the message of how wondrous GM was right to people’s hometowns in wild spaceship-looking buses. The display at the Heritage Center is the only surviving example of the inner-workings of one of these machines and has been faithfully restored to its original, working condition.

The whole Futureliner show is accompanied by a slightly morbid narration of a small family living in a town transformed by advancements in transportation. Apparently everyone was still a little “womp-womp” from the Great Depression in the early 1940s. Poor Betsy.

I filmed the whole thing because I’ve always had a bit of a diorama fetish. I’m sure that, as a child, witnessing this would have reduced me to a pile of tears, “teenage girl at an Elvis concert” style. I will admit I still got a bit misty watching it as an “adult”.

Just for fun, I’ve embedded it at the bottom of the post.

Then they told me I had to leave…

Let me just tell you, I shut that place down. I stayed there until they had to turn off the lights to get me to leave, and even then I had to be escorted to the door where it was firmly locked behind me.

So what did I learn from the Heritage Center? I learned that GM has an amazing past that should be cherished — not just as a collection of amazing vehicles but as a tribute to the truly innovative spirit the company was founded on. They really were the Apple, Inc. of mid-century America. Somewhere along the line they lost sight of this and veered away from their foundations as a progressive technology and design powerhouse.

It’s been a hard road back to the top but I can tell you, the people I met and the things I saw gave me faith that the new GM is a lithe and innovative company. Judging from things like the recent Cadillac Ciel concept, they’re committed to delivering on the ethos of “unapologetically awesome” once again.

Sigh.

I strolled from the Heritage Center a bit deflated. Having just tasted the automotive equivalent of fine sirloin steak, I found that I simply no longer had the stomach for the greasy hamburger cars being shown out on Woodward Avenue. Dear Great Things, why must you make everyday things seem so trivial?

You can learn more about the GM Heritage Center by visiting GMHeritageCenter.com

Scion calls its tiny iQ “the world’s smallest four-seater”, which is like calling a tent with a zipper porch “the world’s smallest mansion”. It’s a stretch for a car that is so shrunken. The back seat is more like a padded shelf, barely large enough for an elf and his iPad. But unlike the iQ’s closest competitor, the Smart fortwo, there’s at least a backseat — and a lot more.

I couldn’t wait to borrow the iQ because I own a Smart. I love my little car no matter what other people think. Sure, it gets blown around in the wind, has just enough space for two with light luggage, and is no friend of snow. The question is, “Does Scion offer a better micro or just a too-late copy?”

Many people confused the iQ with a Smart, often shooting it a grimace as they crept past. The front looks bulldog cute, tough and streamlined with high-set headlamps, a sporty bumper, and swept glass, while the side profile is funky with its curved rear window. Colors like Blizzard Pearl, Hot Lava, and Black Currant Metallic sound sexy, but plastic bikini hubcaps over steel wheels are dollar-store tacky.

For such a teeny tot, the iQ’s cabin feels roomy: front passengers have an enormous amount of legroom. Seats are typical Toyota foam thrones with futuristic fabric, and the winged center dash pod looks like Batmobile offings, but the thick, flat-bottom, leather-wrapped steering wheel is impossible to resist. Check the options list for 200-watt Pioneer audio, USB, navigation, and Bluetooth for hands-free calling and streaming audio. Knee airbags and the first-ever rear-window airbag come standard.

Having spent over 18,000 miles in my Smart, I couldn’t wait to hit the road. During 500 miles, the iQ went to an air show, stirred up rednecks in a campground, and rolled to Chicago for the Chevy Spark preview. The continuously-variable transmission (CVT) sounds like a screaming baby being whipped by a blender, but it gets the 1.3-liter four-cylinder’s 94hp to the front wheels expeditiously. Cruising at 80 mph was almost serene, with power in reserve. Fuel economy of 36/37 mph city/hwy sugars the muffin.

If you’re a micro car neophyte, the iQ will seem incredibly light. To me, it feels more substantial, less sensitive to crosswinds, and better settled at high speed. The car can be tossed into corners without becoming tippy. Credit a lower center of gravity and wider track. I could do without the electric power steering system, but that’s just me being old-school. I can only imagine that the front-drive architecture, assisted by traction and stability control, will blitz winter snow.

If you’re second to the party, you better be first in execution. The iQ is close. It’s not really a four-seater, but ample power, stable handling, and Toyota’s reputation for quality win friends. To me, it feels less special than my Smart, but it’s probably the better choice for most everybody else. A base price of $15,265, or $17,189 as-tested, puts the iQ within grasp of almost anybody.

2013 Scion iQ
Four-passenger, FWD hatchback
Powertrain: 94hp 1.3-liter I4, CVT automatic transmission
Suspension f/r: Ind/torsion beam
Wheels: 16”/16” steel f/r
Brakes: disc/drum fr/rr with ABS
Must-have features: Size, style
Fuel economy: 36/37 mpg city/hwy
Assembly: Japan
Base/As-tested price: $15,265/$17,189

Photographer Megan Green is known for her spectacular shots of cars and car culture. Recently, Megan sent Gaywheels three sets of her work, which we’ll roll out over the next few Fridays. Here’s a series she calls “Retro”, along with a note from the artist.

You can see more of Megan’s work at MeganGreenPhotographer.com.

Retro has to be the most fun series to shoot and look at.

So often, classic car shows have rockabilly bands playing, and the music scenesters show up and try to out-vintage each other. Tattoos, pompadours, crinolines, cat-eye sunglasses, pin-up girls and custom hot rods: it’s a ton of fun. I started bringing my Sabre 620 — a box camera manufactured in the 50s and 60s — to shows to take pictures of the cars and the people, recreating photos  reminiscent of the snapshots I saw of my uncles when I was a kid: greaser guys next to cool cars.

Viva Las Vegas Rockabilly Weekend in 2011 proved to be a great place to shoot with the little camera. All of the people decked out in vintage style got a kick out of getting their picture taken with the vintage camera. My favorite shot in the series was taken there: the shot of the gorgeous pin up girl in the bikini.  Cool cars, pretty girls — great fun!

Note: This is a guest post from one of Gaywheels’ newest contributors, Brittany Larson. You can follow her on Twitter at @brittlarson10. Fellow editors: send her a note if you’re looking for another auto writer.

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Ladies and gentlemen, meet the 2013 Dodge Dart.

(In real life, I would pause here for catcalls and a round of applause, but this being the internet, I’ll continue.)

The Dodge Dart was originally released by Chrysler in 1960 as a full-size family sedan. It evolved into a compact by 1963 and was discontinued in 1976. Recently, Chrysler re-released the Dodge Dart, which replaces the Caliber as Dodge’s entry-level vehicle. As far as I can tell, however, the new Dart doesn’t have much in common with the old one, apart from the name of course.

The Original Dodge Dart: 1960-1976
The Dodge Dart of years past can hardly be compared to Dodge’s classics: the Charger and the Challenger. But even so, I’ll admit that in sixteen years of production, Chrysler released some semi-cool Dodge Darts. The problem was, however, that they were too few and far between. Plus, the good ones tended to resemble Chargers and Challengers, so essentially they were no more than glorified copycats.

Like the Ford Taurus in the 90’s and the Toyota Camry today, the Dodge Dart could be found parked in almost every other driveway in the 1970s. It had a slight edge over the Taurus and Camry though, because in addition to sedans, some Dart models were available as convertibles as well. Additionally, throughout its existence, the Dodge Dart was a popular choice for taxicab companies. It would be hard to name a movie made in the 70’s where a Dodge Dart taxi didn’t make an appearance.

The 2013 Dodge Dart
I don’t think we’re in any danger of the modern Dodge Dart becoming as popular as its predecessor, but I’m almost certain that it’s destined to fare better for Chrysler than the Dodge Caliber did — and hopefully better than the Dodge Neon, which is also among the new Dart’s predecessors. Because of Chrysler’s recent collaboration with Fiat, the 2013 Dodge Dart is based the same platform as the Alfa Romeo Giulietta, though the Dart’s stance is slightly wider and elongated.

If you’re in the market for a compact car and are considering the Dodge Dart, you’ll have the choice of two engines, both four-cylinders: a 2.0-liter with 160-hp and 148 ft-lb of torque that gets approximately 25 mpg city and 36 mpg highway, and a 1.4-liter turbo with 160 hp and 184 ft-lb of torque that gets 27 mpg city and 39 mpg highway. Equipped with either engine, the Dart is a quiet ride and has decent handling due to a fully independent front and rear suspension — something of a rarity in the compact class.

As for the Dart’s interior, your socks probably won’t be blown off when you open the door, unless you opt for a premium-trim model tricked out with red accent stitching and a very large LCD screen on the center stack. However, there’s an impressive bit of room for the driver and passengers, particularly for a compact sedan.

In sum, like most compact vehicles, the base trim of the Dodge Dart is nothing to write home about. However, if you are willing to put down some cash ($19,995), you might drive away in a vehicle that is — dare I say it — cool.

Note: This is a guest post from one of Gaywheels’ newest contributors, Elizabeth Archuleta. You can follow Elizabeth on Twitter at @Thoughtwoman, or on her blog,cassiehack.

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Most people would probably choose to buy a new car every three years or so if they could afford it, but some of us have an appreciation for older cars — much older cars. While I love, love, love them, I know next to nothing about restoration or upkeep, so I always admire them from one lane over or across the street. But it wasn’t always this way. In fact, I used to ride in a lot of older, beautiful cars, but I was much too young to appreciate them at the time.

My love for older cars comes from my dad, who used to buy and lovingly restore them. The first one I remember was a Chevy Impala from the 1960s. It looked a lot like the one at right.

While I don’t remember the Impala’s exact year, I remember the model because of the back end. The downward swoop of the trunk brought to mind a unibrow or an owl’s face. I also remember the curved window in the back and the blue hue of the glass that came from the interior’s reflection. However, the difference between the one in this picture and my dad’s was that my dad’s was massive.

His Chevy demanded attention. Either you looked or you were blind, but there was no way to ignore it. He painted it a dark, deep, midnight metal-flake blue on the outside. The steel bumpers and metal hubcaps were like mirrors. His car was always clean and sparkled in the sun. He only took it out on summer weekends or when my sisters and I stayed with him. And no matter how clean it was, it always got a bath before he took it out.

The interior was also something to behold. He upholstered it with a lighter metal-flake blue vinyl, and he diamond pintucked the interior with buttons. To my young mind, it looked like the midnight sky filled with stars all inside the car. Tiny pieces of silver and gold mixed in with the blue begged to be touched, and touch I did. The coolness of the vinyl felt good on the back of my hand. It was cushy and smooth. I liked to press my cheeks against the seat backs and feel the give of the cushiony tufts. Not only were the seats done up like this, the inside door panels were also pintucked in the same material. Don’t ask me what the rest of the interior looked like — I don’t remember anything else except the look and feel of the upholstery.

It took me a while, but I found something similar to his Chevy’s interior on a website that features custom chopper metal-flake seats. (I just had to find something to share with you guys, because dad’s car was so beautiful inside.) This seat’s color matches almost exactly what I remember, except the diamond shapes were bigger and they had buttons in the tucks.

The next car I remember was dad’s 1963 Corvette Stingray Coupe with a split window in the back.

While the Impala fit three kids much better, we loved piling in the back of the Corvette and having him drive fast down the canyons. We’d hang on to his neck from the back seat, if that’s what you could call it, and scream with joy as he took the steep curves quick and fast just for us. We’d also lie down and look out the back windows and watch as the tree tops whizzed by. Now that I look back at that, I’m sure my mom would have killed him had she known, but those joy rides left me with great memories.

My dad also pintucked the Corvette’s upholstery, except he did it in black leather, smaller diamonds, and no buttons. He chose another beautiful color for the exterior, too. He painted it a deep, dark eggplant with a hint of metal flake. What made this car different and special was the painted areas of the car that you couldn’t see until he opened a door or popped the hood or the trunk. He painted these areas the same color except he overlaid the eggplant with a black lace stencil. Now that I look back at this, it was outrageously sexy. Dad, what were you thinking?!

The engine was just as beautiful, and as clean as the rest of the car. Everything was shiny under the hood. The air-filter holder was metal and didn’t have a hint of grease or dust on it — ever. He always built his engines entirely from scratch and cleaned everything. He took such pride in his work.

When the Corvette started up, the engine was so powerful I could feel the engine’s rumble down to my bones. It’s like I had rockets inside of me and I was ready for take off once he pushed the gas pedal.

Like the Impala, the Stingray demanded attention. You could hear the low rumble of its powerful engine before you even saw it, but once it turned the corner, people literally gasped — it was that beautiful. We loved helping him pull this car out of his rented garage and wash it inside and out before we took it on the streets. This one was his baby.

So, what does a young, first-time driver get as her first car after she’s been a passenger in such enviable vehicles? Don’t laugh, but my older sister’s first car was a 1976 mustard-yellow Chevy Vega (not too different from the one shown at right).

The memory of this car is what made me think of my dad’s cars. We were a Chevy family, so of course he bought her an old used Chevy. It had belonged to his sister — our aunt — so we knew it already. We loved it just as much as we loved his classics. It also brings back just as many good memories too!

It had an eight-track player, so we thought we were really cool when we all piled in the car and blasted our eight-track disco tapes instead of the FM radio. We’d fit as many people as we could in the car and off we’d go, an accident waiting to happen. (Luckily, one never happened.)

I’m happy to say that I lived to share these memories after having been a passenger in that car. It had so many problems, and it eventually died a fiery death! The engine caught fire after about 18 months, and it finally gave up the ghost.

Maybe one day I’ll be lucky enough to have a more classic Chevy, but even if I don’t, I have many wonderful memories of all the Chevys my dad brought into my life — including the Vega.

That’s right, we love the Miata – and we’re totally cool with it.

Alright, get it out of your system right now. Make all the Miata jokes you like because, if you’ve ever been behind the wheel of this two-passenger drop-top, you know who’s going to get the last laugh. Every time I get reacquainted with the Mazda Miata I instantly fall back in love with its intoxicating mix of sharp handling and incredibly precise manual gearbox (one of the best ever!). The engine routinely surprises me since, with so much thought given to the Miata’s other fine attributes, I’ll sometimes forget that it’s not exactly pokey in a straight line. The 167-bph 2.0-liter inline-four offers a good amount of grunt, a definite step above an economy car, but still far from challenging the likes of Mustangs and WRXs.

Back to the steering and that aforementioned gearbox. Both are incredible, and you find yourself giving the steering wheel a wiggle and shifting up or down through the H-gate because, well, it’s just so much fun. A six-speed automatic is available if you’re not comfy with the manual, but if there is ever a time to learn how to shift for yourself, this gearbox is it.

Less thrilling is the overall head and legroom that, at least for me, isn’t an issue — at 5’9 there’s still some room to spare. Yet for anyone over six feet, you’d better keep the top down permanently and the seat back as far as possible. Each generation of Miata has been a tad less cozy than the one before it, but this remains one of the tightest cabins out there. [The next Miata -- due in one or two years time and being developed in cooperation with Alfa Romeo -- promises another step forwards in terms of cabin comfort.]

As you’ve guessed, luggage room is pretty lousy with only 5.3 cubic feet available. Oh well, all the more reason to pack lightly for a weekend trip and skip the outlet malls on the way back home. The Miata is about driving, not making runs to IKEA. On the streets of New York City it proved the perfect weapon, scything through traffic and squirting down city streets with the top down and engine burbling. And yes, I’ll admit it, my ego was somewhat soothed by the (relatively) butch spec of my test car. The red paintjob and large black-painted alloy wheels and black power retractable hardtop gave the wee Mazda some real visual sting.

Despite being due for replacement in the next year or two, more than a few passersby asked if my hard-top model was a brand new version of the Miata. Purists might prefer the soft-top and, frankly, choosing to fold the roof yourself saves you money – the Miata PRHT in Touring trim starts at $27,540 (not including destination), or roughly $4-grand more than the base model. Then again, there’s a lot to be said for the extra sound insulation, security, and convenience of the powered hardtop. Fuel economy is only okay for a four-cylinder, the Miata returns 22/28 mpg during city and highway driving. For comparison, the 201 bhp Hyundai Veloster Turbo manages 38 mpg on the highway — though it’s strictly a coupe, albeit one with a quirky 3-door format.

The Miata demands some sacrifices but, so long as you physically fit into the car, it remains one of the automotive world’s best performance bargains.

Note: This is a guest post from one of Gaywheels’ newest contributors, Stephanie Minor. You can follow her on Twitter at @majorminor85, on LinkedIn, or on her blog, stephanieminor.wordpress.com.

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As an owner of a 1999 Honda Civic coupe with around 140,000 miles on it, I’m often asking myself the question, “Is it time?” As I rubberneck past new-car dealerships and help friends and family members choose the right car for them, the thought seeps in more and more until my synapses scream a resounding “YES, YES, LET’S DO IT!”

Eventually, I come back to reality, and as Suze Orman puts it, recognize my “financial truth”. As is the case with many Americans — and recent college grads in general — I’m not in a financial state to purchase a new car.

Not only that, but Baby Car (as it has been called by friends for years) is in fantastic shape! What ever happened to the phrase “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”?

Why does my brain, despite my financial limitations and adoration for my Baby, so often take the leap over the line between “keep it” and “leave it”?

L, B, G, T or otherwise, we humans L-O-V-E having the newest, the most technologically advanced and the shiniest…whatever really, be it TV, phone or car.

So when the right time to get a new Baby does arise, a new question crops up: buy or lease?

Buying gives the peace of mind that once a car is yours, it’s yours. Your money will literally take you places.

But leasing is appealing in that all-American quest for the best of the best of the best: multi-media touch screens, navigation, satellite radio, Bluetooth, premium audio sound systems, voice recognition, and whatever comes with next year’s model (basically, everything Baby Car doesn’t possess).

But at the end of all the payments, overage in miles and cosmetic “damage” fees upon lease end, you’re left with nothing but to spend more hard-earned cash on your next set of wheels. Is that really the best?

The September issue of Consumer Reports magazine has an article advising drivers against investing in a new car every couple of years. Not only is doing so financially unsound, but also, today’s vehicles are built better than their predecessors. Keeping your current car reliable and running for 200,000 miles — and beyond — is more than possible . It also saves you big bucks. Period.

While Baby Car doesn’t necessarily keep up with the increasing speed of advancing auto technology, it will nonetheless keep humming along for some time to come. And ultimately, if I decide I really need a new stereo or navigation system, I can run down to my favorite electronics shop and have one installed for far, far less than the cost of a new ride. (Or I could just use my smartphone.)

Do yourself a favor and resist the urge to lease. Stitch up that hole in your wallet. Buy reliable and invest long-term.

Ford’s Escape has always been the stuffy little nerd that was well-mannered, but never seemed to have much fun. Its attire was as conservative as a tweed suit and the interior was about as boring.

That’s not to say the Escape wasn’t popular. Since arriving a decade ago to give hell to Japanese benchmarks like the Honda CR-V and Toyota RAV4, it has been perfect for urban travel and soft-roading. But clearly, Ford’s compact crossover needed to cut loose and find a good stylist.

With the 2013 model, the Escape has been reborn. Gone is the “two boxes on wheels” profile of the original Escape and replaced by a sleek multi-faceted design influenced by suave silhouettes, like those of the Focus and Fiesta, with a hint of Explorer in the wrap-around taillamps. Ford claims the new model is 10% more aerodynamic. I’d say, at least.

Inside, there is a big expanse of windshield and convergence of curves and angles. It’s a bit busy, but everything is easy to use, and there’s attention to detail. The shifter glides fluidly through its notches, and knobs turn like fine pens. I really like the available heated leather seats, thick leather-wrapped steering wheel, Bluetooth, and deep cupholders. (Hey, I’m addicted to soda.)

Then, there’s SYNC with MyFord Touch that theoretically directs the infotainment system through voice, steering wheel buttons, or touchscreens — if it is in a good mood. My past experiences with SYNC caused cussing when it refused to do something as radical as finding “Elvis Presley” on my iPod, but the new version is better. I almost wore out the cool under-bumper sensor that raises the tailgate with a foot wave.

Hitting the gas brings only joy, even if V6 and hybrid options are M.I.A. The base powertrain is a 168hp 2.5-liter four-cylinder connected to a six-speed automatic transmission. Better are the available 240hp 2.0-liter EcoBoost and 178hp 1.6-liter EcoBoost four-cylinder engines. The turbos deliver smooth, savory torque without burning excessive fossils. All three engines deliver over 30 mpg highway with front-wheel drive.

The chassis is just as sophisticated. Using 25 sensors, the all-wheel-drive system analyzes wheel speed, accelerator position, and steering angle to determine where the driver wants to go and how to best execute his or her demands. Curve Control automatically slows the vehicle if drivers enter a corner too quickly; Torque Vectoring Control helps accelerate through a turn. It’s an impressive amount of technology for a small crossover.

If all of that doesn’t excite you, the 2013 Escape is available with Ford’s BLIS blind-spot warning system and Cross-Traffic Alert that gives a heads-up when vehicles approach from the sides or kids’ toys are behind it when backing.

The coolest feature, though, is the automatic parallel parking system. I’m pretty good at parallel parking, but the Escape is much better.

Still smart, but a lot more stylish, the all-new Escape is sure to make more affluent friends than its predecessors. The 2013 Escape starts under $23,000, but an as-tested price of $31,540 puts it up against lofty versions of the Honda CR-V, Chevy Equinox, Jeep Compass, Toyota Highlander, and Subaru Outback.

2013 Ford Escape SEL
Five-passenger, AWD crossover
Powertrain: 240 hp 2.0-liter T4, six-speed automatic transmission
Suspension f/r: Ind/ind
Wheels: 19”/19” alloy f/r
Brakes: disc/disc fr/rr with ABS
Must-have features: Style, power
Fuel economy: 21/28 mpg city/hwy
Assembly: Louisville, KY
As-tested price: $31,540

The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) has announced its nominees for the 2012 Amplifier Awards, and we’re happy to report that two automakers and one auto insurance company have made the cut.

If you’re a regular reader at Gaywheels, you probably already have a hunch about which automakers were included in the lineup. General Motors’ widely acclaimed “Mom, Dad, I’m Electric” ad for the Chevrolet Volt was nominated in the “Hot Spot” category, which recognizes advertisements directed specifically at LGBT consumers.

Lexus was nominated in the same category for its “Lexus Celebrates The Advocate’s 45th Anniversary” ad. As you might guess, that spot was placed in the 45th-anniversary issue of The Advocate and praised the magazine for its work “to ensure equality to all people , at work, at home, and every place in between”.

And last but not least, Allstate was recognized in the digital category for its “Equality Is _____” online campaign. Not only did that promotion encourage Americans to discuss what LGBT equality means to them, but it also raised money for LGBT centers in California. When Allstate’s website visitors agree to get a free insurance quote, Allstate donates $10 to the San Francisco LGBT Center or the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center.

Cynics might complain that these companies — like the Democratic Party — haven’t really changed their opinions about LGBT people, they’ve just realized that we’re a viable block of consumers.

GLAAD doesn’t see it that way.

In fact, GLAAD president, Herndon Graddick, expressed real excitement about the growing visibility of the LGBT community, especially in ads: “Americans expect to see their worlds reflected in advertising, and today that includes LGBT people and families. This year’s nominated campaigns are not only smart business decisions, but set the bar high for future images of our community in advertising and marketing.”

Congrats to Chevy/GM, Lexus, and Allstate on their nominations. Here’s hoping that next year’s awards are even more competitive thanks to growing sentiment in favor of LGBT equality.

If you’d like to attend the GLAAD Amplifier Awards yourself, save the date of October 2, 2012. The ceremony will be held at XL Nightclub, 512 West 42nd Street in New York City. Click here to learn more and purchase tickets.

Americans used to look at micro cars and fantasize about flicking them off the roadways with full-size SUVs or V8-powered muscle cars. Then, gas trucked past $4 a gallon, and we began to think, “Gee, I really don’t need 5,000 pounds of steel and gas-sucking family bus to get to work.” The Smart fortwo, Fiat 500, and Scion iQ soon appeared on U.S. shores. Now, Chevrolet thinks there might be room for an even better micro.

Inexpensive does not have to mean cheap. Chevy’s designers couldn’t get around tall, urban-friendly proportions, but they also sculpted hood edges, carved character lines, and added hood-length headlamps for eye candy. The Spark punches above its modest price point with standard 15” alloy wheels, exhaust that exits through the rear bumper, and chrome accents. Colors like Denim, Lemonade, and Techno Pink brighten gray streets. Considering its micro-price, the Spark is a very nicely styled car.

And it gets better on the inside. Unlike other micros, passengers enter through four doors and have a back seat large enough for real humans (you know, the kind with legs). The body-color trim on the dash and doors, the motorcycle-inspired gauge cluster, French-stitched seats, and leatherette-covered steering wheels feel expensive, even if they’re illusions. So what if the dash and every panel are molded plastic? If you want a Cadillac, buy one.

One thing you’ll never get in a Spark, though, is a CD player. Just as Apple ditched floppies during the ‘90s, Chevy is kicking the silver disc to the curb. Since most drivers walk around with smartphones nowadays, all engineers had to do was create an easy interface and link them in.

Using a touchscreen your great-grandmother could understand, drivers use their USB- or Bluetooth-connected phone to access music, pictures, voice-activated calling, Pandora internet radio, and Stitcher Smart Radio. They can even watch video on the screen when parked. The just-announced BringGo app summons full GPS navigation including Local Search via Google and live traffic updates. BringGo has a one-time charge of $50 — a pittance compared to typical factory-installed navigation systems.

On the downside, if our drive through busy Chicago is any indication, the Spark should probably avoid high-speed tollways. At 2,269 pounds (minus humans), with an 84 hp, 1.25-liter four-cylinder engine, Spark drivers pilot a car 450 pounds heavier than a Smart fortwo with just 12 more ponies under the hood. Add in another 360 pounds (or more) for a couple of passengers, and the situation gets worse. The Spark is an urban car and that’s where it should stay, whether shifted through the standard five-speed manual or optional four-speed automatic transmission. Fuel economy kisses 32/38 mpg city/hwy.

If you want a swifter little Chevy, spend a couple grand more and get a turbocharged Sonic, which will fix many of the Spark’s shortcomings. However, no Sonic comes with a $12,995 sticker like the base Spark, which includes a five-year/100,000-mile powertrain warranty. Lay down $17,500 for one with all the extras.

Chevy hopes that the Spark’s roomy interior, sophisticated style, affordable price, and that same park-me-anywhere spirit that carried Smart to our shores will buoy its bigger micro. We’ll soon know.

2013 Chevy Spark
Four-passenger, FWD hatchback
Powertrain: 84 hp, 1.25-liter I4, five-speed manual transmission
Suspension f/r: Independent/compound crank
Wheels: 15”/15” alloy f/r
Brakes: disc/drum fr/rr with ABS
Must-have features: Style, touchscreen
Fuel economy: 32/38 mpg city/hwy
Assembly: South Korea
Base price: $12,995

I knew it. I just knew someone, somewhere, would complain about the cabin plastics in a review of the 2013 Chevrolet Camaro ZL1. [The guilty party shall remain nameless, for now.] Let me put this to rest: if you’re worried about the grain of the plastic on the door panels, the center console — or anywhere else for that matter — then you’ve completely missed the point of this car. With its 580-horsepower supercharged 6.2-liter V-8, this is officially the most powerful production Camaro to ever hit the streets. Coupled to that snarling and snorting engine is a six-speed manual transmission, or optional ($1,135) 6-speed automatic.

There is nothing subtle about the Camaro, much less the ZL1. Even the base models have that sinister front end, kicked up rear fenders, and lowered greenhouse that makes almost every other car look painfully lame by comparison. The shallow glass also makes parallel parking an absolute nightmare but, hey, if you can afford the ZL1’s base price of $55,250 (including destination), you can afford to park in a lot. Other than the mega engine, the ZL1 package adds a raised aluminum hood, a unique front fascia with curb-scraping front splitter, magnetic ride control suspension, high performance Brembo brakes, 20-inch alloy wheels (20×10 front/20×11 rear), a heads-up instrument display, and a rear-view camera.

The ZL1 is basically loaded with everything you can throw onto a muscle car. Added to my test car was an eye-watering Rally Yellow paintjob with black racing stripes, carbon-fiber hood inserts, and micro-fiber suede on the dashboard. Maybe it’s the latter option that allowed me to overlook the G.I. Joe quality of some plastics in the Camaro’s cabin. My guess, however, is that all it took was the first jab of the gas pedal and the instant roar of the V-8 as the car lunged forward, pushing me hard into the driver’s eat. This car makes you want to drive fast. All. The. Time.

What’s even better is that the ZL1 isn’t a one-trick pony, only capable of going fast in a straight line. Unlike its closest competitor, the even-more-powerful Ford Shelby Mustang GT500, the Camaro has an independent rear suspension. The Ford might dust the ZL1 in a drag race but, if corners are involved, I’d take the Camaro every time. On bumpy New York City streets or on the Turnpike headed to the Jersey shore, the ZL1’s suspension impressed me for being firm and sporty, but not overly punishing. The handling is heavy, as are the throws of the six-speed manual and the calf-strengthening clutch pedal.

But the hairy-knuckled driving manners are consistent and, once you’re used to them, it’s hard to imagine driving a car that doesn’t seem to be itching for a brawl. So long as no one in your posse plays center for the Knicks, there’s room in the back for two adults — though visibility back there is on par with peeking out of a tank turret. The trunk is shallow but still capable of holding 11.3 cubic feet of cargo, which helps to make the ZL1 more than just a weekend plaything. Fuel mileage is pretty god-awful, as you’d expect. The ZL1’s 19-gallon fuel tank runs dry fast when you’re dealing with an EPA certified 14/19 mpg in city and highway driving. Did I forget to mention a $1,300 gas-guzzler tax also comes standard?

But like those cabin plastics, complaining about mpgs isn’t the point of the Camaro ZL1  – or any muscle car, for that matter. You’re paying for the performance, the engine and transmission, look-at-me styling, and the history attached to the nameplate. The ZL1 is addictive and outrageously fun. Case closed.

Note: This is a guest post from one of Gaywheels’ newest contributors, Elizabeth Archuleta. You can follow Elizabeth on Twitter at @Thoughtwoman, or on her blog,cassiehack.

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It’s been said many times, but is it true? Does sex really sell?

You bet it does — especially when it comes in the form of a titillating BDSM narrative.

Need proof? Look no further than the E. L. James trilogy, 50 Shades of Grey. A bunch of bored housewives fantasizing about whips and chains have turned what some have called a poorly written book into a bestseller, and some have suggested that the books might also be boosting Audi sales in the U.S.

Consider this: the trilogy hit the New York Times’ bestseller list in March. Audi had its best sales month in April. By the time July rolled around, Audi set an all-time record, selling 28% more cars than the same time last year.

I haven’t read the books myself, so I get my information about them second-hand (meaning that you’re getting it third-hand). However, I know for certain that several Audis appear in the trilogy. The bearer of the whips and chains, protagonist Christian Grey, drives an R8 Spyder. He presents Anastasia Steele, the person on the other end of those whips and chains, with a red A3 for her birthday. And somewhere in the middle of all that, a Q7 rears its boxy head.

My take

While I can see how the popularity of a book might lead to increased sales of steel-gray ties — and perhaps rope and bondage gear, too — I’m not so sure the effect would carry over to cars. Sure, fascination with the trilogy might make readers look at Audis a bit differently, but can the sale of a $10 novel really translate into the purchase of a $40,000-plus car?

In addition to the price differences, we also have to consider the demographic that’s smitten with these naughty narratives. Suburban housewives make up the largest group of James’ fans, which has led to the 50 Shades genre being dubbed “mommy porn”. Call me naive, but the terms “suburban housewife”, Audi, and BDSM don’t quite mesh together in my mind.

Yes, I know there are a lot of professional women out there who can afford to buy a luxury car, but I honestly don’t see a working mom putting her two-year-old in the back of an Audi she bought after zipping through an erotic novel.

Maybe someone can convince me that I’m being narrow-minded, but I’m just not buying it. Are you? And if “mommy porn” fanatics aren’t snapping up all those Audis, who is?

Is driving cheaper than flying? Once you add up the costs, the savings may not materialize, but your headache might.

Wanna travel from Charlotte to “Where the Bears Are” in Fort Lauderdale? How about from Denver to the famous (and infamous) Habana Inn in Oklahoma City? Or what about going from San Jose to “The Dinah” in Palm Springs?

Conventional wisdom says that driving is always cheaper than flying. But given today’s high gas prices (which only promise to go higher) and the ever-competitive prices for commercial flights, you may find that it’s cheaper — and less of a hassle — to fly to your destination.

Making the call

Here’s a rule of thumb: if you’re traveling alone and your car trip would require at least one stay at a hotel, you’re probably better off flying. When you drive, there are costs for food, lodging, and, of course, gasoline. There are also the dangers of traveling alone — the most dangerous of which is drifting into complacency behind the wheel.

If there are two or more people traveling, the economics of driving improve, but may not be as wonderful as you think.

If your trip will be between six and eight hours each way and there are at least two people in the car, your best option is usually to drive. Ideally, you’ll burn through just two tanks of gas per day on a full day of driving. Two tanks of gas will run anywhere from $40 to $80 per fill-up, depending on what you drive. Factor in cheap eats of about $20 per person per day, and you could reasonably make the trip, back and forth, for around $325 for both people. Round it up to $350, and you still come out better than if you purchased two airline tickets, averaging $250 for each round-trip. (If you’re not flying from a major airport like SFO or DFW, the cost of those tickets would likely be higher.)

However, when there are two of you traveling by car and the trip requires an overnight stay, the cost-benefit analysis gets trickier. Plan on at least four tanks of gas each way for a two-day drive, one hotel for a minimum of $50 a night (times two) and meals at $20 a day per person. On the cheap end, that could be as little as $340 for the entire trip, but that’s not likely. Taxes, especially for lodging, can be exorbitant. And I’ve never been able to drive long distances without plenty of stops for water, bathrooms, and plain old rest and relaxation. All those things add to your time — and your costs.

As you approach $400 in this scenario, it may be cheaper and less of a hassle to splurge on a couple of plane tickets. True, you might save money by driving if you need a car at your destination, but remember, many rental car companies can get you rates as low as $30 a day. It might be easier to fly and rent a car at the airport.

(If you’re going to be staying in a city with good public transit like Chicago or San Francisco, renting a car probably isn’t a good idea and can cost you a small fortune in parking and frustration. In Denver or Dallas, however, a car is almost a necessity.)

If you have three or four people in the car, driving is always cheaper than flying. The only drawback — which could be a big one — is that you’ll be cooped up in a car for many, many hours with several other people, who will most likely get cranky as the day wears on. Make sure you have good A/C, a great selection of music, and a clear understanding of who gets to play DJ.

Other considerations include:

• Furniture or other large items. If you are transporting big stuff, take a car. Shipping and/or airline fees really will eat you alive, especially if it’s fragile.
• How will the costs be split? When travelling with friends or family, be sure to discuss ahead of time how each item will be paid. When in doubt, plan to pick up the costs yourself and, hopefully, get reimbursed later.
• Do you really want to travel in a cramped car with your companions? Your friends are like medications: overdosing can cause serious ailments. Flying affords people to be alone while traveling together. Not so in a car, even in a Park Avenue. Think about what will really make you happy, or at least what will keep you from going ballistic.
• Whenever planning a budget, always account for unknown costs. When driving, there is no flight attendant or ticket agent to help you, so you should allocate an additional 30% of your budget for unplanned costs. That alone may push you into the arms of an airline ticket agent, who just might be gay and cute.

So, how should you approach your upcoming trip?

Start by checking travel websites to gauge airfare prices. Southwest Airlines is always good for cheap tickets, especially if all you need is a one-way. Other websites like Orbitz.com offer a convenient way to compare prices, and they’re always trying to reach the LGBT market.

And if, after everything, you opt for the road trip, be sure to invest in a roadside assistance program like AAA. Because sure, you can change your own tires, but how well will that grease under your fingernails go over at the White Party?

It’s been a busy week for those of us stationed at Gaywheels South, smack-dab in the middle of New Orleans. But we won’t trouble you with harrowing stories of power outages and downed tree limbs. Instead, we’re going to lighten things up (metaphorically speaking) with a quick look at everyone’s favorite subject: fonts!

And not just any fonts: auto fonts!

Jesse Chehak is a professional photographer with a passion for documenting life in California and the great Southwest. Chehak spends part of his time in Los Angeles, which is obviously a car-crazy town. But rather than snap shots of classic rides, as many other shutterbugs do, Chehak has done something remarkable in his latest series called “Autotypes”: he’s focused on the fonts that automakers use to spell out the names of their rides.

We don’t spend a lot of time thinking about those little plaques that decorate the backsides and quarter-panels of our vehicles, but designers use them to express the essence, the character of these models. The scroll of the “E” on the Cadillac Eldorado, the sci-fi “A” at the end of the Buick Electra: they help define the car as much as the more obvious exterior and interior elements.

If you’re looking for a nice distraction this Friday, check out this short slideshow of Chehak’s work.

Enjoy your holiday weekend, and if you’re in New Orleans for Southern Decadence — which is still happening, despite the doom-and-gloom prophecies of right-wing bigots — we’ll see you on the streets!

[via Jonno]

Note: Shortly after we ran last week’s story about LGBT couples and auto insurance, we received another submission on the very same topic. Since insurance is such an important issue for same-sex partners — and since it’s an area that’s experiencing a lot of LGBT-friendly changes — we’re sharing this piece, too. It comes from Benjamin Zitney, who brings readers relevant news about auto insurance. If you’re on Google+ you can follow Ben here.

* * * * *

When Esurance announced last month that it was expanding its marriage discount to same-sex couples in committed relationships in 21 new states, it marked a new advancement in what has been a growing trend of bringing equality to insurance pricing.

Most major insurers have always provided discounts to married drivers. The reason? People in committed relationships tend to cost insurers less to cover when compared with single people. Usually, married drivers end up paying about 10% less than unmarried drivers. But for a time, that discount was limited to heterosexual couples, since there was no official way to verify that same-sex partners were in a committed relationship.

Exactly how many auto insurance companies currently give same-sex partners reduced rates is unclear, but at least a handful of major insurers already extend the discounts to those in long-term, committed relationships. A spokesman for State Farm, for example, says that his company—the largest auto insurer in the country—already offers rate reductions to men and women across the country who are married or in civil unions, regardless of their sexual orientation.

Allstate, which acquired Esurance last year, says that it offers the same benefits nationwide to same-sex couples as to straight couples (though ominously, it adds that it does so “in accordance with the current laws in that state”, whatever that means). And when you get a quote from Progressive, “domestic partnership” is one of the available options under “marital status”.

The prospect of 10% savings could be welcome news for those in domestic partnerships and civil unions in the 21 states where Esurance is rolling out the discount.

“If you’re in a committed relationship with a domestic partner,” Esurance said in its press release announcing the new insurance discount, “we value that commitment. No matter what your home state has to say about it.”

It’s Saturday night and you’re all set to drive to the Cedar Springs area in Dallas, or Boystown in Chicago, or South-of-Market in San Francisco.  Thank goodness you’re driving the compact yet classy Mazda3, because parking will be tight.

Measuring in at 104 inches long — just two inches longer than the Ford Focus — the Mazda3 can get in and out of tight parking spaces with ease. People who’ve driven it frequently agree that it’s a great little all-around car.

Admittedly, there’s nothing all that spectacular about the Mazda3, but that’s what makes it such a great ride. If all you need is a reliable vehicle to get your from Points A to Z and all hot spots in between, the Mazda3 is the place to start (and maybe end).

Anti-lock brakes, halogen headlights, power mirrors, traction control, and an anti-theft system are just a few of the standard features that come with the Mazda3. All engines are four-cylinder, and mileage can run as low as 20 mpg in the city and as much as 40 mpg on the highway. The base model starts at $15,000, and the fully-loaded one goes as high as $25,000.

But why take just my word?  Whenever you’re shopping for a new car, always do your homework.  Here are websites with reviews that I feel are accurate and reliable:

TheCarConnection gushes about the Mazda3′s handling, stability, and class-leading steering feel, as well as the swanky interior — though road noise can be a problem.

Edmunds.com also finds the Mazda3 to have very good control on the road, gripping it with firmness not normally displayed in a small car.  The grip may be a little too firm, they add, as many small car drivers are used to the “softness” of, say, the Toyota Tercel.

U.S. News and World Report, always a reliable source for new car information, gave the 2012 Mazda3 a ranking of six (out of 41) in the Affordable Small Car Category, citing the model as having both great gas mileage and great performance.

About the only downside that most reviewers find — myself included — is that the Mazda3 is not just tight with parking but, unfortunately, it’s also tight on interior space. Getting in and out of the backseat is tough, even if you’re an adult of average build, and being comfortable in the backseat is also more of challenge than it should be. Children and pets, though? Perfect.

The only other aspect that I disliked was the navigation and control screen, which is available on the higher-end trims.  The screen is too small to be useful, and in some ways it’s a distraction, though the actual navigation system itself is quite useful.

Best of all, the 2012 Mazda3 is virtually identical to its slightly younger 2013 sibling — and at sites across the country, the 2012 model is going on sale, as dealers work to make room for next year’s models. If you’re looking for a reliable car to move around the city with ease, you’d be smart to check it out.

We’ve seen the joke a million times: straight man walks into bar. Straight man sees attractive woman from behind. Straight man steps behind said woman and feeds her some cheesy pickup line. Woman turns around to reveal that she’s a transsexual or a drag queen or a transvestite or an unusually curvy guy.

“Ha ha ha,” says absolutely no one, because the punch line was visible from a mile away. And it’s not much of a punch line anyway.

We’re happy to report that Toyota has taken that same, tired set-up and done something very, very different.

In a new, Japanese ad for the Toyota Auris, a camera tracks a leggy blonde. She’s wearing nothing but a bikini bottom and an open jacket, which she sheds halfway through.

She looks like a runway model as we watch her from behind. We assume she’s one of those tall, stunning Ukranian women who swim in a different gene pool than most mortals. A reverse-shot of her geometrically perfect face confirms our suspicions — or so we think.

Then she reaches the Auris, turns around, and crosses her arms, revealing a flat chest and a noticeable bulge in the bikini. This is clearly a man.

However, we’re right about one thing: the model is Ukranian — 19-year-old Stav Strashko.  We don’t know if Strashko is gay, but given that Ukraine is considering a bill to outlaw Spongebob Squarepants because he’s (allegedly) a boy-kisser, let’s hope that Strashko makes his home someplace more tolerant.

[UPDATE: Although several sources have said that the model, Stav Strashko, is Ukranian, that's only the country of his birth. In this behind-the-scenes video, Strashko clearly says that he's from the very LGBT-friendly city of Tel Aviv, Israel -- something he clarifies on his Tumblog. And yep, he's gay.]

What’s interesting about the Auris ad is that it’s not funny. Strashko stares us down, daring us to reconsider our preconceptions. There’s no laugh at the end, just a lingering threat.

What’s a major automaker like Toyota doing running this kind of clip? What is the company trying to say to consumers? Has the androgyny of anime finally infiltrated Japanese advertising? Could this kind of ad ever work in the U.S.?

Have a look, and let us know your thoughts:

[via Autoblog & Jonno.com]