By Joe Tralongo
The automobile industry spends millions of dollars researching the average consumer’s needs during various life stages. Depending on our age and position in life, our cars say a lot about us, our desires and the image we wish to project. Of course, we of the homosexual persuasion have a slightly different set of needs and paths than our straight counterparts. Below is a list of vehicles that we at Gaywheels.com feel suit the four primary phases of gay life. Mind you, this list represents a random sampling from a broad field of outstanding automobiles, but as space is limited we’ve chosen a few standouts worthy of attention.
Stage 1: Young, Single and On the Prowl
At this stage in your gay life, it’s all about YOU! Forget backseat legroom and trunk space, you need a car that attracts attention. The following vehicles are sure to draw onlookers (and maybe a date or two) without cutting too deeply into your budget.
2008 Volvo C30 – Small, agile and starting well under $25,000, the C30’s groovy good looks and nearly infinite color/trim/option combinations (it’s like driving a rolling Benetton sweater) practically guarantee no two neighborhood cars will be quite the same.
2008 Jeep Wrangler – The Wrangler is one of the few vehicles that can show up at a rodeo or on Rodeo Drive and still look right at home. Available in two- or four-door models with a removable hard or soft top and just the right blend of hip styling and butchness, the Jeep Wrangler always wins unwavering approval.
2008 Infiniti G37 Coupe – The G37 is not as economically priced as the others in this group. If you can swing the payments, however, the sensuous new Infiniti Coupe not only has the power to start hearts fluttering, it also telegraphs this is one single not looking for a Sugar Daddy (or Momma, as the case may be).
Stage 2: The Coupling Period
Congratulations, you’ve become a “we”! Love now requires one of you to make the ultimate sacrifice by giving up the sporty little car. But driving a four-door vehicle doesn’t instantly make you uncool. Gaywheels is confident these models will help you project a strong sense of style, as well as provide enough room for a weekend road trip or an evening out with friends.
2008 Cadillac CTS – Who says gays don’t do domestic? Cadillac’s beautifully sculpted CTS sedan displays a strong presence with even stronger performance. We love the new interior and the seats are some of the best in the business. With a choice of two V6s, RWD or AWD, and a manual or automatic transmission, you can get one that fits just right.
Lincoln MKX –Not much bigger than most sedans, the MKX’s wide hatch provides a bit more versatility than the others in this group, yet gives up nothing in the areas of luxury, ride and handling. And our favorite option, the Vista glass moonroof, brings the outdoors inside.
Volkswagen Passat – The Passat may not have a status symbol badge bolted to its grille, but nothing in the family sedan class matches its combination of price, features and Audi-like interior. The 2.0-liter turbo engine pulls like a V6, yet sips fuel to the tune of 29 miles per gallon (highway). The Passat is also offered in wagon form.
Stage 3: Partnered for Life (a.k.a. Married Without Benefits)
You now dress alike and regularly finish each other’s sentences; you share a mortgage, a cocker spaniel and a penchant for weekend shopping sprees. In other words, you’re hitched. Whether hauling a bulky antique armoire, 50-pounds of landscape fodder or the makings of your first nursery, you needn’t give up charisma for capability.
Mercedes-Benz GL – Big enough to seat seven, yet nearly identical in width to the smaller ML, Mercedes-Benz’s newest SUV offers excellent maneuverability and a luxurious interior. Also, the GL’s logically laid out controls don’t require an extra set of eyes and hands to operate.
Buick Enclave – If you like curves, you’ll love the Enclave’s seductive exterior styling. Buick may not have scored high on your car-buying list in the past, but this seven-passenger crossover SUV will quickly remedy that! Vivid sew patterns, a one-of-kind dashboard and a liberal use of ambient lighting conspire to create one beautiful interior.
Subaru Tribeca – Long regarded for its dependable all-wheel-drive systems and quirky styling, Subaru moves toward the mainstream with its largest family vehicle to date, the Tribeca. Optional seating for seven, a powerful new V6 engine and plenty of electronic toys to keep the munchkins happy make the Tribeca a favorite of gay families everywhere.
Stage 4: The Golden Years
You’ve survived the seven-year itch—nine times, possibly raised a kid or two and still managed a very comfortable retirement. Now comes the time to throw caution to the wind and treat yourself to something sinful. Show up at the theatre in one of these cars and everyone will know you and your partner have truly arrived.
Audi S5/A5 –Audi’s latest work of art is to be enjoyed by the driver and occasionally a lucky passenger or two. The first true four-passenger coupe offered by Audi in nearly 15 years, the rocket-fast S5 lands in showrooms this fall, followed by the more affordable A5 in the spring.
Jaguar XK Convertible –Going topless never felt so liberating. The XK’s intoxicating good looks will have all eyes pointed in your direction, and with the convertible top retracted you can drink in equal servings of vitamin D and envious admiration.
Lexus LS 600h L – Al Gore promises we will pay a price for not going green, but who’d have guessed the price is even higher for combining luxury and environmentalism? Starting at a mere $104,000, the Lexus LS 600h L (the h stands for hybrid) is more a low-emission speed demon with a slightly green hue than a luxury Prius.