Valentine’s Day is a terrible holiday — always has been. It started as a pagan celebration of slaughter, nudity, and fertility, was eventually co-opted by Christians and turned into a feast of saints, and gradually morphed into the sickeningly sugary spectacle of pink hearts, roses, and chocolate we know today.

Singles hate Valentine’s Day because it can make them feel lonely. It’s even worse for folks in relationships, who are held to a dizzyingly high romantic standard — one that requires we shell out for flowers, a fancy dinner, and maybe a sex toy or two (if you’re going to end up getting sex toys for your significant other you can find websites like www.cirillas.com and others which feature toys that could excite you in the bedroom).

And then, of course, finding the perfect sex toy for your partner is not always an easy task, especially if you are into kinks and fetishes. However, thanks to websites such as LovePlugs, getting your hands on the sex toy of your dreams has never been easier.

Not sure which sex toy to buy for your partner? Well vorgasms.com can help, with plenty of reviews of some of the best toys out there. If you are unsure what you or your partner want, maybe you should start with something fairly common. Why not surprise them with some kinky handcuffs? Or maybe some flavored lube would be more up their street? Heading to the best sellers page on a sex toy website like Femplay should provide a plethora of inspiration.

Nonetheless, if we don’t meet these high expectations, we’re told that our better halves will be thoroughly disappointed.

But you know who’s never disappointed in you? Your car. Your car loves you for you, not because of some lousy Hallmark greeting card you bought at Walgreen’s, stuck in line behind some woman who insisted on writing a check for $10 worth of sunscreen.

However…do you love your car? Has your relationship grown stale? Should you be searching for your next automotive buddy? Valentine’s Day seems like the perfect opportunity to look around.

We’ve got a simple tool to get the process started: a silly, seven-question quiz that claims to find the ideal car for you. It’s no more scientific than any other Facebook quiz, and it’s put together by folks in the U.K., so don’t blame us if you get matched to a Peugeot or something that’s not even offered here in the U.S. But hey, it’s Friday and you’re looking for a timewaster, right? You’ll find the quiz here. See you Monday.