SSuper SSpecial, thanks for asking

by Joe LaMuraglia

We’re all too familiar with stereotypes: all gay men can decorate, lesbians are good with power tools and 0-60 times under 6 seconds only come with cars costing $30,000 or more. People who don’t know better assume stereotypes are universally true. May the innocent throw the first tie rod….Um, that’s what I thought.
As a power-tool loving, non-decorating, Gap-wearing gay man, I can tell you that breaking stereotypes is a daily occurrence. So I was surprised when I realized that I had arrived to drive the Chevrolet Cobalt SS with preconceived notions of what the car could (and couldn’t) do. Did I mention that I am human?
I assumed that the SS treatment on the Cobalt would be akin “puttin’ lipstick on a pig.” I arrived to that conclusion based on previous experiences with high-horsepower front-wheel-drive econo-turned-boy-racer vehicles; Neon STR4 anyone? They start out as inexpensive people movers and get the steroid treatment via an engine that the chassis simply can’t keep up with. Think the top-heavy boys in the gym; their arms and chest are huge but their legs can barely support their weight.
Chevrolet went for the full-body workout with the Cobalt SS and the result is fitness-model worthy – perfectly balanced performance, albeit not pretty enough for the cover.

Chevy Cobalt: The Muscle Treatment

Chevrolet started out with the fantastic 2.0 liter turbo four-cylinder found in the Saturn Sky Turbo and Pontiac Solstice GXP. It pumps out 260 horsepower and mated to a short-throw five-speed manual transmission launches the Cobalt SS to 60 mph in 5.7 seconds. The horsepower is just one part of the equation, though. Chevrolet redesigned the front end to improve handling and reduce torque-steer as well as incorporated some sophisticated technology to get optimal traction at launch. Watch the video to the right: The driver puts the traction control system into “competition mode” and at a full stop, it automatically goes into launch control. He hammers the throttle and holds it to the floor, the engine sings up to 5,100 rpm and stays there until the clutch is released. Once engaged, the algorithm in the engine management computer launches the vehicle for maximum acceleration. The driver keeps the throttle to the floor the entire time and when you hit 6,000 RPM, you keep the gas pedal on the floor, nail the clutch and slam it into the next gear. The computer keeps the boost up, doesn’t over-rev the engine and when done properly, you feel like a race-car driver. Best part, this behavior is condoned by GM and doesn’t void the 100,000-mile warranty! The car was designed for it–and I swear, I heard it begging for more.

On the road and the track, the hard work of the GM suspension engineers is clearly evident. Body roll is minimal and the little Cobalt SS sticks to corners like cars costing twice as much. I consider myself a good driver but compared to my colleagues on the event, I was out for a Sunday drive. They were able to push the Cobalt SS on the mountain roads outside of Bakersfield, Calif., and gave rave reviews on the handling and predictability of the suspension tuning – and these boys don’t give praise easily. It comes as no surprise then that the Cobalt SS beat the track record for its class at the famed Nürburgring racing circuit – a winding, undulated road course that is considered by many professional racers and auto manufacturers as the ultimate test of a car’s mettle.

The Chevy cover boy

Clearly the Cobalt SS has the muscles to compete. But what keeps it from being a cover boy? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but nobody will argue that that the base Cobalt is no A&F model. Its design is a bit mundane and while a solid performer, it is overshadowed by more genetically gifted vehicles. Go-fast touches like Chevy’s FE5 sport suspension, quicker-ratio steering, Brembo fixed-caliper front disc brakes, sport seats, eighteen-inch wheels with performance tires, rear spoiler and an available limited-slip differential give it a buff appearance and capabilities but clothes and muscles do not a model make.
If you’re looking for a more aesthetically pleasing package, the Civic Si or Mazdaspeed3 should be on your shopping list. Both have higher-quality interiors and offer similar straight-line performance. If you aren’t that shallow want superior handling and enjoy breaking stereotypes, the 2008 Cobalt SS deserves a long look.
The Chevy Cobalt SS has a MSRP of $22,995, including a $660 destination charge. The Cobalt SS is well equipped at that price, including standard air conditioning, Pioneer premium sound system, remote keyless entry, StabiliTrak electronic stability control system, OnStar and XM Satellite Radio.
Major options include a sunroof ($750), high-wing rear spoiler ($150) and a limited-slip differential ($495).

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