The Dangers Of Five-Inch Pumps And New Car Launches

By Richard Read

When Katy Perry first entered the national consciousness, it was mostly because of (a) her semi-provocative song about kissing another girl, and (b) the thumping bassline that accompanied it. I say “semi-provocative” because the lyrics of “I Kissed a Girl” read like a college freshman’s “I was sooooo drunk” story. You know: it was an exciting roller coaster ride, but she’s not getting back on it anytime soon. Nevertheless, many in the LGBT community thought they’d found a friend in Perry, whether or not she was 100% serious about the girl-on-girl.
Next came the stupidly titled “Ur So Gay” ditty, which got some folks up in arms, but Perry managed to muddle through the potential PR nightmare relatively unscathed. Then, just a couple of weeks ago, she fell off the wagon again, dissing today’s #1 queer icon, Lady Gaga, for getting “blasphemous” in her video for “Alejandro”. (In case you missed it, Perry was a not-so-successful Christian singer before she decided to chuck it all and make out with women for fame and fortune.) Unfortunately for Perry, Gaga fans are a very vocal bunch, so in order to save face and her career, Perry swallowed hard and tried to recant. Girl clearly likes the taste of her own shoes.

Speaking of shoes — and yes, there’s a car story in here somewhere — Perry’s penchant for drag-style stilettos caused a lot of anxiety at the recent Times Square launch for the new Volkswagen Jetta. (You can see them in the photo above, with Perry standing about as demurely as anyone can while wearing a skin-tight, plastic, halter-top mini-dress.) Automotive News reporter Diana Kuylko was in the crowd, and said that toward the end of her appearance, Perry unexpectedly hopped on top of the Jetta to perform a number, causing no small amount of panic amongst the VW execs — presumably, the more fashion-forward staffers who clocked those bright pink shoes earlier in the day. Would she fall and hurt herself? Or, far worse, would she damage the hood?

Thankfully, Perry had given some uncharacteristic forethought to that move and slipped off her five-inch pumps before climbing atop the sedan. The car was fine, Kuylko & Co. were relieved, and everyone lived happily ever after.

I know that must seem like a long way to go for such an anti-climactic story, but here at Gaywheels, we believe in giving you plenty of backstory. And besides, the most important part of it all is that the new Jetta’s a beaut — and far, far prettier than the MINI Cooper that was specially tricked out for Perry last year. We plan to give it a whirl very, very soon. 

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