Too bad Game of Thrones is on HBO.

This show of dick shots and boobies, as well as blood and guts and pillaging, is a natural for reaching gay audiences, especially when we’re searching for something more subtle and family-oriented than twinki. Ditto for Da Vinci’s Demons on STARZ, which also features a lot of full-frontal men — even a pope showing it off in a way that Pope Francis I would admire. These shows could make a killing from advertisers, especially car makers trying to reach the LGBT market. Whether it be the adult angle with lesbian porn hd, or the more family-friendly side, there’s space for everyone.

But since there aren’t any totally gay scripted shows on mainstream TV (even LOGO), where should automobile manufacturers go if they want to reach around the hetero market for the Big Gay Prize?

The Big Bang Theory: Here’s a show that knows how to be a gay without being gay. All four lead male characters are big sci-fi nerds who long for the days when they could spend weekends together playing in a fantasy world. Sounds gay to me. Raj, who’s Indian from India, comes off as questioning, and is often the source for a lot of great gay humor that’s not mean-spirited. CBS probably can’t afford to make any of the characters openly gay for fear of offending its fan base. (Could you imagine a Frodo float at Gay Pride? Then again, could you imagine Mr. Sulu at the State Fair?) Instead, all the guys have girlfriends or female love interests, though they still prefer game-time together with the boys. Emmy-winner Jim Parsons is openly gay, which makes the plot twists and subtexts even gayer.

Family Guy: Seth MacFarlane is the ultimate in offensive, but throughout his decade-plus run as the voice of Peter, Stewie, and Brian the dog, there is a real theme of gay equality and acceptance throughout the show. (Brian, for example, has a gay cousin Jasper with a Filipino boyfriend named Ricardo.) One episode features Peter becoming gay after taking part in a medical research project because he needed the money. The gayness wears off just as he’s ready to get naked and start an orgy (which is usually the time my gayness kicks in). And what’s not to like about a dog who can talk, sip martinis, and hold city hall hostage until Mayor Adam West allows gay marriage?

The Simpsons: Homer Simpson has said that only fat guys and gay guys wear Hawaiian shirts. I plead guilty to both. Homer has also said that he likes his music loud, his beer cold, and his homosexuals flaaaaaming. There is truth and irony in that statement: if gays aren’t flaming and obvious, we just might sneak into straight society and ruffle feathers. What’s not to like about a chub who works at a nuclear plant, eats donuts and declares, when propositioned by a man, that he is flattered and oddly curious? His next door neighbor Ned Flanders goes to Christian camp every year to learn how to be more judgmental.

Duck Dynasty, Swamp People or Hillbilly Handfishin’: Take your pick, these shows about good ol’ “normal” folk who do things the old fashioned way are more than a little homoerotic. It amazes me how deep the homophobia is when the men on the show have to jump in the swamp with their pants and shirts on. Yet take a look at Skipper on Hillbilly Handfishin’ and you’ll see that he’s proud to show off his hairy chest and trailer roots. The men on these reality shows are just one big Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. And in the swamp, that really is hot!

The Colbert Report: Stephen Colbert shows the world just how gay the Republican Party really is. Using intolerant characters like Marcus Bachmann, Larry Craig, and Ted Haggard as fodder, Colbert has a field day every night as he exposes the true colors of the homophobes who embrace gun barrels when they’d rather embrace men with barrel chests. Colbert recently skewered Russian President Vladimir Putin for his anti-gay policies while posing shirtless every chance he gets. Mr. Colbert has no problem being flamboyant and makes it look natural. Hmm.

Saturday Night Live: This almost-40 year-old show just keeps getting gayer and better and gayer and better. New cast member Taram Killam plays a great and convincing gay, never afraid to be over-to-top or appear in something festive or skimpy (cf. his performance last week as a closet-case version John Boehner). Kate McKinnon is the first openly lesbian cast member, having earned acclaim on The Big Gay Sketch Comedy Show, one of the few worthwhile projects that LOGO ever bothered to develop (and cancel). And the last episode of this past season featured Ben Affleck in skits that were almost all gay, like one where he plays a counselor at a Pray The Gay Away camp. One of SNL’s most memorable faux-mercials was for Gay Summer Wedding Xanax, a benzo for straight people who go to gay weddings and are depressed at how fabulous and perfect they are.

Yet in my opinion, the show where car makers should definitely flock to reach the LGBT market is…

Vikings: The most homoerotic show on The History Channel, Vikings stars Travis Fimmel as a hunky Norseman who always looks like he’s posing for a Colt Magazine photo shoot. The series is based on one of the best-known characters in Norse legend, Viking Ragnar Lodbrok, who could bravely defend his family while raping and pillaging the rest of Europe. Fimmel is Australian and a former Calvin Klein underwear model who has a fucked gay porn look even when he goes on the attack with an ax (take that, you beast). The show features random three-ways and bare butts and (my favorite part) the idea that homosexuality activity among men is just a normal part of a female-male marriage. The Capitol One Barbarians (a big bear group if ever there was one) already populate the commercials when Fimmel is not flashing the camera. Like The Big Bang Theory, this show knows how to be gay without really being gay. Three snaps and a big V for Very Hot.

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Correction: In my review of the 2013 Ram 1500, I incorrectly wrote that Ram commercials air during Game of Thrones. My bad, since HBO does not air commercials. I probably meant some other fantasy fiction show with similar themes — and there are plenty of ’em.