Saturday Night Live’s openly-lesbian Kate McKinnon parodied tennis great Billie Jean King shortly after she was chosen to represent the U.S. in Sochi (Russia) at the Winter Games. As King, McKinnon proclaimed (as she laughed) that she would put all her lesbian chic on display in Sochi, to include driving a Subaru Outback through Red Square while Melissa Etheridge came blaring through the car speakers.

Subaru and lesbians: this love affair is a quarter-century old and still profitable.

But, really, to make a big gay and inclusive statement, any Subaru will do, like the Forester, which has gotten a complete makeover for 2014, one worthy of the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy gays. In many ways, the Forester is the Outback with just a raised profile. That’s a good gay thing, really, since the Forester would look great crashing through Red Square, Pink Square, Squares-ville or even when the Russian Punk band Pussy Riot finally tours the U.S.

The Subaru Forester is the original “bi” in LGBT, in addition to being “bi” and “tri”, or buy and try. It’s both a car and a sport utility vehicle. It can be your girlfriend or your grrrl-friend. The beauty and butchness of the Forester is that it has always been pretty-much whatever you wanted or needed it to be, whenever you needed it. Five Gays and a Girl should be so lucky to have such an accommodating – and capable – friend. Today, the 2014 Subaru Forester has been gayed-up, made far more fabulous and has improved its standing as one of the big solid icons of the Gayest Generation.

So then, What’s So Gay about the 2014 Subaru Forester? Well, for starters, fellow Gay Wheels writer Casey Williams was A-List enough to drive it last September and gave a glowing review (click here to read it). Casey noted that much of the Forester’s height is illusion, to which I say ‘bravo’. Any good stylist, be it hair or cars, knows how to make an up-do towering and imposing with little more than flair and imagination. That ability already gives Subaru its Gay Jeopardy Daily Double cred.

Yeah, yeah. Style, chic, showiness and lesbian muscle … are we nothing but Cher / Melissa Etheridge / Indigo Girls / Lady Gaga fans?  All that’s very gay and fabulous, as is the Forester, but for you calculating types, here’s my three-dollar-bill input on where the muscle is:

Standard All-Wheel Drive: If you live where the weather is perfect year round, AWD may be lost on you. But for the truly rugged types who can’t afford condos in South Beach or Palm Springs, All-Wheel Drive is truly a lifesaver. Sometimes all you need is a real push from your imaginary butch girlfriends to get you out of the snow and back on your way to a bear pizza party or lesbian coffee shop (where, by the way, the food is always tasty and perfect for diabetics like me). Don’t wait to make friends until you need them.  Take the AWD and know it’s always there, even when your 160 LGBT-IQ is not.

Make Room for Mommy and Mommie Dearest: There is always plenty of room inside a Subaru Forester, and this year, they’ve packed on the space without packing on the pounds. The 2014 has more leg room for your back seat passengers. Many models boast a one or two inch increase, which, admittedly, does make a difference. But for 2014, Subaru gives you 3.7 more inches for your backseat Betties. Can you imagine what getting 3.7 inches more feels like when you hop in? Oh, you will feel it alright, and you will enjoy it. There is also six more cubic feet of space when you fold down the back seats. Three-point-seven inches on six feet: that’s huge. That’s almost enough room to make a big gay rescue in Sochi and bring those refugees to Ellen and Portia’s ranch.

Off-road capability is still strong: Off-road, in this instance, is the intentional driving of the vehicle in a rocky or hilly setting, not when you miss your turn and wind up creating a drive-thru window at Costco. The 2014 has 8.7 inches of ground clearance (a smidge more than last year) and comes with the optional Subaru X-Mode, better known as Hill Descent Control.  Basically, you can let the car do the driving when going down tricky rocky outdoors-y roads. We don’t recommend that you put any car on automatic pilot, but should you need to do so (please keep your eyes open), this is a great feature to have. (FYI, the extra ground clearance won’t help you if you jump the parking block at JoAnn Stores.) Plus, you can still get a turbo, if you like.

And here’s my favorite feature:

The Lane Departure Warning System: This system is optional only if you get a turbo trim, but wow, can this be a life and outfit saver. Drivers get distracted all the time, whether it’s the opening of a new Michael Kors outlet store or a hot daddy who has to unbutton his shirt and roll down the car window to blow some air through his chest hairs. When you do start to stray (and who doesn’t eventually), this system lets you know loudly without being obnoxious that you are not staying in your lane. It’s almost as if that warning sound is saying “Get back in your lane, Mary,” without having to raise her voice. I love it, especially since it lowers your audio in order to focus your ears on your wandering eyes. It will even interrupt Lady Gaga … but there will be no Applause as it pulls you from the Edge of Glory for Do(ing) What U Want. (Apologies to fellow Gay Wheels write James Hamel, but I just couldn’t resist. Great Kia Soul review, BTW)

As you can imagine with a car this gay, all tech accessories – Bluetooth, USB, iPod, Aux In – can always hook up in any Subaru.  My only real complaint is that when you get the optional touchscreen navigation package, the screen is just 6.1 inches.  I never complain about six inches, but after touching the 8.4 inches available on Chryslers, I guess I am a size queen. Six inches make me work a little harder; 8.4 inches is truly in my face with features so life-like that everything splashes all over the dash.  I’m just saying.

Edmunds.com chose the 2014 Forester as a top pick for small-to-midsized SUV crossover. No surprise there, but still an honor.  To sum up: nothing says ‘gay’ like Subaru. And if you don’t want it to say gay, well, it knows how to keep quiet too.  The 2014 Forester can be anything or anyone you want it to be, just like Scarlett Johansson as the sexy operating system in the movie “Her”. Fall in love if you dare; Subaru will be around to fulfill all your desires.

In closing, the 2014 Subaru Forester is more than just three snaps and big Z for Zorro, the Gay Blade. It really is your car, all you fabulous types out there on the World Wide Web. But watch out for Billie Jean King behind the wheel.  Remember what she did to Bobby Riggs on the tennis court in 1973?  She will do that to Putin, his flunkies and any innocent bystanders – Subaru or Ford Pinto – yet she will also stop to give first aid to the innocent and fabulous.

Correction: In my review for What’s New for Chrysler in 2014, I incorrectly stated that the Duster was back in production.  Actually, the Duster was last seen in 1994 as a trim for the Plymouth Sundance. I meant to write that the Dodge Dart was back, and this is great reinvention of a classic car from when the Beatles ruled the airwaves. To clarify, it’s the Dart, not the Duster. Or Donatella. Or Dior. Sometimes, AutoCorrect of the brain also makes things worse. Lo siento.