First Ride: 2015 Ford F-150 Loses 700 Pounds, Does 360 Better Than Anderson Cooper

Anytime you’re as big and loveable as the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters and then suddenly lose 700 pounds, people will wonder if you can stay mean yet will often note how great you look – as well as ask if you can now see your shoes.

2015 Ford F-150The 2015 F-150, long considered America’s truck-for-life, has shed 700 pounds of steel and now has an all-aluminum body. The frame is still steel (try saying that with a deep Southern accent) so you’ll still get the crash protection, but the lighter weight will mean better mileage (sorta) and a smoother ride (definitely). Think Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man lite with perhaps a bit more rocket boost to get him through brunch and beer bust.

This new “military-grade” steel, as Ford calls it, is actually a special “recipe” that Ford designed to ultimately be stronger yet lighter than standard automotive steel. Ford even called in a few metallurgical experts to come up with this recipe, which they say will never rust and is technically recyclable. Truly, how gay, bi, lez, trans, rainbow is that?

Sheila Spiker, a most-fabulous F-150 expert who’s traveling the country with Ford to promote the new F-150, demonstrated a few really nice interior features that made me shout ‘Oh My Gay Stars. For starters, this is the first truck where I have seen a power rear window. You know that little window in the rear of the truck cab that opens to the bed? No longer must you crawl in back to open the window just to talk to whoever is riding in the bed (seriously, don’t carry passengers in a moving truck bed – it’s illegal). With the new F-150, all you have to do is press a button and – zippp – it opens, and then – pizzz – it closes. Makes you wonder why no one ever thought of it before now.

2015 Ford F-150But let’s say you do need to crawl in the backseat of the extended cab …. Now there is a total of 65 cubic feet of space inside the cab. That’s huge, and when it comes to legroom and headroom, that’s almost on par with a limousine. If you want a big truck for your big friends and take away any reason for them to whine, this is your truck (be sure you have at least two designated parking spaces). For Texas Bear Round Up in March, this is my dream machine.

And not to be outdone by Anderson Cooper, Sheila (a Seattle native who knows her way around the Swish Alps) showed me how the new F-150 is equipped with cameras everywhere, allowing for a complete 360 view of whatever surrounds you. With a vehicle this big, you never know how close you are getting to crashing and paying a $500 deductible. With all these cameras, you really can feel like Sally Ride watching the universe, even though you are firmly on the ground. For good and bad drivers alike, this is a very worthwhile option.

2015 Ford F-150And if you are really into towing (toeing?), you can program your F-150 so that it will remember weights, balances and other important information about all the trailers you tow. That way, you don’t have to recalculate and adjust each time your cargo gets more precious or more difficult. Everything at the push of a button …. Jane Jetson and Rosie the Robot could have never imagined such efficiency.

This vehicle is so tough that evening global warming can’t stop it. Rather than get a big industrial truck to plow your streets this winter, you can get the 5.0 liter V8 with 4WD, put a snowplow on the optional snowplow attachment, and then go hit the streets, making way for the wheels of progress to not get high-centered or slide off the highway of success. What’s new here is that this new F-150 is considered a light duty truck – but it can do heavy-duty duty with it. Plowing for power and clearing a path for your friends now seems like horseplay.

2015 Ford F-150Crash test ratings are not out yet, but naturally, Ford promises they will be stellar. As for fuel economy, the loss of 700 pounds has translated into some improved fuel economy, but, meh. Indeed, Ford has a lot at stake with this new truck. The Ram 1500 has been stealing thunder and market share for a few years now, and while the F-150 is still a solid truck, the Ram 1500 has been jazzier and snazzier – and solid. The new 2015 Ford truck should keep it in the cage match (ya know, the older matches where men wore low-rise briefs and not board shorts).

Pricing starts at $25K, and you can go all the way up to the top-tier Platinum trim for around $65K. Also, there is a huge after-market for the F-150, so if all you want is a stripped down version so you can build it to your liking, this really is the truck for you. Personally, I don’t know any lesbians or gays who do any after-market stuff; the queens I know are lucky if they can hang a pine-scented air freshener correctly.

We at Gaywheels will thoroughly test drive the new Ford F-150 later in 2015. In the meantime, please let us know what you are thinking.

We are only as good as our audience. And we think our audience is fantastic – marshmallows, Sally Ride or not.

 

 

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