It’s rare in the internet content business that you ever actually get to speak with your colleagues, much less meet them in person. By chance, I got to meet the other Sam at Gaywheels.com, Sam Miller Christiansen, in San Diego last Groundhog’s Day to test drive the new Golf R. Southern California is Sam’s territory, and lucky for me, I got to spend the day driving the 2015 Volkswagen Golf R with him to get his expert opinion on this fast little hottie. Below is more or less what he thinks with a few clever phrases and 25-cent words from me to make it sound like it’s my opinion – and not like I am Robin Thicke and Pharrell stealing from Marvin Gaye (‘cause you’re a good girl’).

Spoiler Alert: Sam (better known online as SMC) really, really loved the 2015 Golf R. Click here for his review on YouTube. But honestly, I didn’t totally lift his content. (It’s just that SMC is a good-looking young man with perfect hair and exquisite clothing, one that is also happily partnered to a man for whom he fixed chicken penne pasta for Valentine’s Day. He was the beauty and I was the beast, but in my Big Bear world, that’s a big woof with a triple-chocolate milkshake.)

The 2015 Golf R (BTW, R does not stand for Rough, Racy or Robin, the Boy Wonder, but something …. German, I think) we drove had an exterior that was listed as Tornado Red (not that I know how red a tornado gets). SMC noted the color is kinda like Whore Red….. but what’s so wrong with being a whore who’s red? In my book, that’s worth a triple-chocolate shake and a fried Twinkie chaser – unless you are a whore In the Red and not In the Black. Then there’s a problem.

SMC described the 2015 Golf R as “very turbo-eee” while at the same time having great handling and no loss of traction. “It’s very behaved, not a rowdy sports car,” noted Sam, who described the overall appeal of the car as “solid”. Indeed, as a bit of Cagney and Lacey mixed with The Mod-Squad-minus-one breaking wind (?) down the highway, Sam and I (Sam-or-I? Sam-and-Ella?) were two gays with all the class and comfort of the biggest mobile home at NASCAR – without all the polyester and funnel cakes. And we looked great too, IMHO.

The interior on the new Golf R is very elegant, complete with a soft-touch dash, something you don’t see much anymore, even in pricey cars. No need to feel like you must know a lot about cars to get in and drive like a pro: all you have to do is play Spin the Dial and find the kind of ride for your kind of drive: Comfort, Normal, Race or Individual. Add in the Fender Audio system and even Iggy Azalea sounds as ‘Fancy’ as Zamfir and his pan flute. One big plus, both Sams agree, is that the 2015 Golf R still has plenty of dashboard knobs for all basic dashboard functions, like temperature and music. We both hate having to program a touchscreen, and VW rightfully stays in the 20^th Century on this one, though you can still set some of your bodily functions, like warmth and fancy sounds, by using just a gentle touch or even via hands-free.

During our drive, we came across a nasty wreck on a hairpin curve, where it appeared that some teenage kid took the curve a little too fast (with his mother in the passenger seat) and then clipped a truck, ripping off its axle. No one seemed hurt but the kid was bleeding from his head. I told Sam I was grateful that my incontinence caused us to take an extra-long bathroom break, or else we would have also met that kid head-on. While slowly passing the wreckage, I rolled down the window and said to the kid, “You know you’re bleeding, right?” He said yeah and off we drove, since there was really nothing more we could do. His mother was having a cigarette and she looked like she was going to slap the sheets out of him once the cops and all witnesses were gone.

But know this to be true: the 2015 VW Golf R is great, but for your pocketbook, it really is made strictly for VW enthusiasts. Sam says this car is for “cool people” who don’t necessarily need to advertise how cool they are, and I couldn’t agree more. But there is a lot of power in this car, and if you don’t have many occasions to really enjoy all that turbo-pop, your money may be better spent elsewhere (like rent and Obamacare). But for those of you who follow Volkswagen and really know all about the Golf – because you know I’m all about that Golf, ‘bout that Golf, no Jetta – the 2015 R (Roar?) will not disappoint.

Lastly, I offer my apologies to other Sam for running over that rock in the road, which in turn made a strong ripping sound from the undercarriage, forcing me to scream like a little white girl while smacking it head-on. Really, I could have sworn it was something softer, like moss or, since it was red, a runaway clump of red velvet cake. Fortunately, there was no damage to the car and I failed to mention anything to the big Germans watching our behavior (who I really thought were strippers or wrestlers) that day. Lo siento, since I don’t know how to say sorry in Deutsch.

Okay, so you can’t afford a brand new Golf R, starting at $26K. I know it’s a little early for All Souls Day, but this Halloween, how about carving a 2015 Golf R into a pumpkin? Click here for instructions. When you are LGBT, it’s never too early to start dressing up for a party of tricks and treats.

Thanks, Sam, for a really fun day. And some day, you’ll have to show me how you can just drive by a Wendy’s without stopping. I’ve never understood how anyone does that.