If it seems like it was just a few months back when I reviewed the 2015 Toyota Sienna minivan, you are right (click here for my full review). Sure, I was slow to realize that not all LGBTs live the carefree bachelor(ette) gay lifestyle that I do. Some are breeders, directly or indirectly. Whereas not long ago, driving a minivan was the most obvious sign that your youth has waned, nowadays it says clearly that you are responsible (and working crazy hours just to feed your family). Why not show off that responsibility by showing your sensibility by driving a Toyota Sienna?
Deemed by many auto writers as one of the best minivans out there, the 2016 Sienna can hold up to 7-8 passengers (depending on size) and provides one of the smoothest drives in the Northern Hemisphere. It hasn’t changed much from last year, and that’s good. The only changes for 2016 are that now your iPhone and Siri easily connect with the car so that you don’t have to take your eyes off the road – or your precious cargo. Also new for 2016 is something called Scout GPS, which is optional and it allows navigation on your phone to be easily displayed on the car’s touchscreen. Yeah, yeah, I had to have my nephew explain it to me, but at 27, I no longer have to get him a lollipop in exchange for his technical acumen.
To me, the Sienna is the prettiest minivan out there. Bold exterior choices like Salsa Red Pearl or Crème Brulee Mica just scream gay but in a way that doesn’t scare away even the most sexually gun-shy of your neighbors. Interior colors, however, are a lot tamer: you can only choose between Ash Cloth or Bisque Cloth, both variations on manatee grey. It’s sorta like your dream date who wears fire and passion on his chest hair while having a mild-mannered soul that realizes that hot and sexy rarely pays all the bills (like gas and electric).
I tested the LTD edition that comes with All Wheel Drive, and that baby runs about $46K. This super-duper trim came with all the bells and blow horns, to include a heated leather steering wheel, premium leather front seats, remote start (always nice to have in cold weather) and even wireless headphones so the kids can watch Sponge Bob while riding in the back seats. The basic trim, the L (as in The L Word), can be had for under $30K, and that’s not bad for a minivan. Believe it or not, you can even tow with the 2016 Sienna (up to 3,500 pounds). I can’t say, however, that I would advise that (get AAA, it’s cheaper and smarter).
Yet perhaps what parents and grandparents – hell, everyone – will truly appreciate are the easy-to-use buttons and dials on the center console. Sure, hook up Siri and Tom-Tom and whoever else lives out there in your own little SimCity. But when it comes to just wanting to do something simple like roll down the window or change the radio station, buttons and other old-fashioned accessories like dials are still the best (and safest) way to operate a vehicle without getting caught up with what’s on-screen. No ‘forward’ thinking is necessary when you drive the 2016 Sienna – just get in and drive using just the knowledge you learned in that mandatory Driver’s Ed class that either your father or your parole office made you take.
Trust me, the planet is better off knowing that I did not have any offspring: real, imagined or created at $20K a pop. But for those of you who have always wanted children and are pretty good at making your wishes come true, reap what you’ve sown by getting a smart reliable Big Gay Al kind of vehicle like the Toyota Sienna. It’s super …..
…. and I’m super, thanks for asking.