My favorite new show this Spring (now that Telenovela has finished its first season) is The Real O’Neals, the story of a Midwestern gay high school boy and life with his perfect Catholic mother, hot smart cop father, hot dumb wrestler brother and wise-cracking genius younger sister. What’s not to like about a kid who turns to Reese Witherspoon’s movie Wild for guidance on how to go camping in the wilderness?
For his next adventure, this gay kid named Kenny should get a smart first car like the 2016 Toyota Corolla. That was my first car when I was a not-quite-as-handsome-but-even-more-naïve gay kid of 23. It’s a smart car that can be had for less than $18K, but spend more to get the automatic transmission – and let your gay adventure begin.
There are so many trims for the 2016 Corolla that you really do have to look at them all and narrow it down to what you want and what you are willing to pay for. There are basic trims – L, LE and S – and then figure out if you want Premium, Plus, Manual, ECO, EVT …. goodness, there’s even a Special Edition to mark its 50th anniversary. Double goodness, Toyota needs to create an app just so you can build your Corolla to your gay specifications.
This car, like so many other jalopies that have been around awhile, started as a tight small car back when Hillary Clinton was helping the poor, and it has matured nicely, namely in the backseat. There is plenty of legroom for even those big boned gals from southern Alberta (like me, though without the Canadian Club). It’s pretty snazzy for a ‘compact’ car. Be advised, you aren’t getting a Crown Vic or an LTD, but you are getting something worthy of Fast and Furious prequel. Is it fun to drive? If you like 29 city / 38 highway mpg, then yes, it’s a blast.
In many ways, the Toyota Corolla is the automotive equivalent to the gay clone of last century. What’s a gay clone? Think of the Brawny Paper Towel man of the 1970s and you’ll be reminded of all the stereotypes of how gay men were supposed to look. Say what you will about the clone look, it was hot then and it’s still hot now. And so is the Toyota Corolla. It will never be at the top of anyone’s hot list, but it will always show up when you need a safe and affordable ride from your misadventures into a clone bar, Ms. Witherspoon’s Wild or a brief flirtation with the fast and the furious of days gone by.
My first car was a Corolla and that car kept me going for 20 years through smashed windows, stolen stereos and slashed tires – and one poorly-timed sex adventure while in third gear. My memories are fond and the money I saved allowed me to not save for retirement but instead go crazy on cock(tails) and carbohydrates. Today, this beauty is still a beauty and Wild-ly affordable, but as we always encourage here at gaywheels.com, do your homework.
Oh, hell, I never did my homework and look at what a success I am now (cue laugh track), so just think of how different my life would be had the Toyota Corolla not entered my life….
… or the cute gay clone who sold me the car.
