2017 Toyota Land Cruiser: It’s big, so it’ll need some room and attention

One of my first impressions of the 2017 Toyota Land Cruiser is that it can drink. There’s nothing wrong with that: I’ve gone out with many handsome brutes who could drink and were just as bottomless as the bottomless mimosas we enjoyed. At some point, however, I had to reevaluate my relationship with guys who really could show me the town but needed a constant jolt of fuel, however defined.

Same goes for the 2017 Land Cruiser, which averages 15 mpg.

The Land Cruiser truly defines what it means to be an American sport utility vehicle. It’s girth and size are impressive, and there’s a lot of beauty all the way around. Edmunds.com gives this year’s Land Cruiser a “solid Edmunds A-rating”, which is like a Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval but for the automotive set. The Land Cruiser ain’t cheap, and like many a big brute that makes all the gays moist, it’s missing some flexibility (like a third row of seats that is “tight”). Still, if you want luxury, largess and loveliness, and have funds (and a big parking space) to accommodate your star football player, the 2017 Land Cruiser is worth checking out.

There’s just one trim, so basically, what you see is what you pay, and how nice is that? Let’s be clear, you will pay no more than $84,325 for this truck SUV, and that comes with all kinds of neato stuff like leather upholstery, 9-inch screen, navigation, surround-view cameras, sunroof, 18-inch aluminum wheels (big boys need big shoes), 10-way power seats, even a standard household 120-volt electrical outlet. But just to be clear, if there are certain accouterments that you would like, like cargo mats, wheel locks or paint protection film, those can be purchased, and they will up the price.

Of course, a V8 engine is the minimum necessary to power this beast. Specifically, it’s a 5.7-liter V8 that cranks out 381 horses with 401 pound-feet of torque. I really don’t think the Land Cruiser could operate with anything less than that. Again, big boys need big fuel, so, well, keep the gas card at the ready.

Admittedly, as an avowed city boy, I had to think ahead as to where I could safely take the Land Cruiser and not scrape up against a cyclist in Boulder, Colorado, or a food truck that needs a lot of room for its carb-hungry customers. For the most part, it handled well, even in downtown Denver, with little forethought on my part but sometimes with little room (literally) for error. To be perfectly clear, this is not a city car. If you do have dependents and other tax deductions, you would be just fine with Toyota Highlander, one of my personal favorites. Yet sometimes you need luxury, largess and lifestyles of the rich and famous. If so, check out the 2017 Toyota Land Cruiser.