What can you get for around $90,000 these days? Well, it certainly isn’t housing (in gay cities worth your tax dollars, anyway) and it’s barely enough for an undergraduate education. But if you do have that kind of money lying around and really like gas and largess, the big daddy of the Lexus boats, the LX 570, is ready for you to set sail and run over anything or anyone who gets in your way.
The LX is that big, pretentious, over-to-top vehicle that everyone sees and seethes until they actually get to drive one. And then, well, their opinion of this first-class, luxury, big rolling living room of style is suddenly wonderful. And suddenly, you’re wonderful too.
Edmunds.com says “the 2017 Lexus LX570 can seat up to eight and has the ability to tow a trailer.” That’s pretty accurate IMHO (and very gay). Get seven of your closest friends inside and then go tow a trailer. I’ve heard of nights like that in gay porn movies, but have never actually come close to anything like that–but if I were to do it, the LX 570 is the love boat I would want to use.
“Fancy leather seats and wood grain on the dash.” Those allegedly hetero guys at Edmunds aptly noted that elegance just drips from the LX 570, and keep in mind, that’s why you go for a car like this. There are more practical, cheaper workhorses out there, and if that’s what you need and that’s all your humble salary (sans distributions from grandma’s holdings in the Cayman Islands) can handle, go for it. The LX 570 is not for the faint of heart or the financially challenged.
For starters, you’ll need a garage and/or outside valet parking, and a chauffeur would be nice too. This vehicle is just too nice to not be taken seriously. As with anything nice, there are costs for the upkeep. You’ll get a whopping combined mileage of 15 mpg. That means you will have to visit the gas station around the corner often. And in all honesty, you’ll need to take it to a detail shop at least twice a year, just to keep the interior luxury fresh and the exterior beauty shining like the brightest ornament on the holiday tree. There will be plenty of costs associated with the LX 570, so just like when you contemplated raising a child, you’ll want to make sure this purchase is the commitment you intended to make.
To keep things simple, the LX 570 is offered in only one trim and has quite a few standard features: automatic wipers, rearview camera, blind spot monitoring, sunroof, leather upholstery and wood trim…. There is a lot that’s included in your base price of $89,380, but you will have to pay extra for Mark Levinson audio and luxury appointments like “interior w/ contrast stitching”. Again, the LX570 isn’t for the faint of heart
But hey, you’re openly LGBTQ and proud of everything in your life. You didn’t get here by avoiding challenges. If you can take on anti-gay protesters and expose them for who they truly are (closet cases), then you can handle the 2017 Lexus LX 570.
At least this beast puts out, puts in, gives back and makes you feel whole every day.
