Remember the days when Toyotas really were the little cars on the road? Those days are long gone, and as if we needed proof, the 2014 Toyota Highlander is a big vehicle that technically is no bigger than last year’s model (which is now the model from two years ago), but it sure feels like you are driving the Eurythmics’ King and Queen of America – with all its camp and color – when you cruise down any motorway.
The Highlander got a complete makeover for 2014, and by and large, everyone is applauding the stylish new interior (a big improvement over the dull plastic of yesteryear), peppier engines and the Dr. Sheldon Cooper technology that is finally available, and in some cases is standard equipment.
I just now tested the top-tier Limited edition 2014, which starts at around $44K. The interior for the ‘what’s-left-of’ 2014 model has more of a designer look and less of a pressed-from-a-toy-factory-mold presentation. Flowing, cascading, blending … the interior all around is not the straight-and-narrow of yesteryear, and it’s about time. There is plenty of room in the backseat, so getting four large men comfortably into the Highlander is a snap. And just in case you find a fifth who wants to join the poker/liquor fun, putting him in the third row seat is relatively easy, though getting any more of the party in the third row seat would be a challenge, especially if he comes with a lot of baggage.
As for the exterior, it is lovely. I mean, it is manly. It’s kind of a Neapolitan ice cream for men who need to make someone other than themselves happy. I like it, but I tend to like anything butcher than I am. But to be honest, the feelings are as mixed and confusing as the hanging chads of Florida in the year 2000. What do real men (however defined) think of how the 2014 Toyota Highlander looks?
I just love The Fast Lane Boys, who put their car reviews on YouTube. Nathan Adlen, the big teddy bear of this Hardy Boys duo, freely expresses his identity confusion when he’s around the 2014 Toyota Highlander. According to Nathan, this ‘strong enough for a bear but made for a gentleman’ vehicle looks “meaner and manlier” than, I’m guessing, earlier models or kilt wearers, while also being “beefier, bigger and taller.” (Nathan, stop bragging ;-). Toyota has said for the record that the company wants the Highlander to “appeal to more men”, and admittedly, with Nathan as your carhop/under-the-hood expert, I’m sold. Still, Nathan has confusion over how this vehicle accents his fatherhood as well as his manliness. And these days, questioning is okay, and the 2014 Highlander allows you to question without ever feeling like you have to choose. Watch the five-minute overview here, and note how at the end, Roman Mica, the coiffed part of the duo, ends by saying “Ciào”. How A-List is that?
Confusion or not, car dealers are getting rid of these baby butchers to make room for the new freshmen class of 2015, so be on the lookout for deals. Need a car that is a certified A-Lister? Edmunds.com actually gave the 2014 Toyota Highlander an ‘A’, but like any top scorer, the contestant won but it was not a clean sweep. Stay away from the four-cylinder poop-along version, Edmundo advises.
The Highlander is also an A-Lister with the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety, giving it the highest rating of ‘Good’ in almost every area of safety, except for receiving an ‘Acceptable’ (the second highest rating) in the small-overlap frontal-offset test (sounds like a Jell-O wrestling / 4-H bake-off or the talent portion of the Mr. Palm Springs Water Wiggle slide-off).
There is also a hybrid version available, thus there is no need to go without anything that might make you happy. For reference, you can now get fajitas and teriyaki chicken at most Scottish Highland games; Toyota was accepting and inclusive long before the caber toss became such a gay event.
Yet for all intents and purposes, the 2014 Toyota Highlander (especially the Limited trim) is the same vehicle as the Lexus LX570, a vehicle I thoroughly enjoyed and reviewed earlier this year. Yeah, yeah, there really are some big differences in mileage and drive, but if you dream of the big ticket cars of Apple’s CEO Tim ‘Look-at-me-I’ve-always-been-out’ Cook, you’ll be able to get into the Highlander for half the cost of the Lexus LX570. You still will have to prove you have more assets than aspirations, but you won’t have to decide if you are butch or fem, father or fighter, man or muse, or just one big glitter bomb ready to go off.
At times while driving the Highlander, I imagined carry precious cargo from a Scottish Highlands festival: large freckled men wearing kilts in traditional highland fashion (which is always commando). Sure, tartans can cause a rash but the Toyota Highlander never will. The drive will be smooth but beware: you never know when a one-eyed Loch Ness Monster will appear out of nowhere….
Drive safely and smartly, lads!
Happy Hanukkah from Hanukkah Harry.