I just feel so bad for the Nissan Titan. U.S. News and World Report says the 2015 incarnation is “outdated and outclassed by its rivals” – and places it (based on reviews from around the web) six out of six contestants in the Full-Size Pickup Category. (No. 1 is the Ram 1500 –more on that in reviews to come). Even a beauty contest coach and a fair amount of Vaseline on the arse won’t help this Miss Fifth Runner-Up.

Nobody seems to love the Nissan Titan – and I really do understand why. The interior is lackluster, the available features are minimal, the competition really knows how to put on a show and build a truck that people want to buy…..

But I will say this: the 2015 Nissan Titan is great for hauling stuff – and hay. For Gay Pride last month, the Denver Bears decided to go with a hoedown theme, and that required bales of hay. My friend Steve at Nissan was kind enough to lend me a 2015 Nissan Titan and use it to get eight bales of hay – fresh off the farm – and deliver them to our booth, where we had a Bear Plinko board and all kinds of stuffed teddy bears to give away. Indeed, some of our members also became stuffed bears after lunch and were pretty much giving themselves away for a Jello shot.

The pictures here say it all. The handsome man in the bed of the Nissan is my reliable truck expert and tech savior David Beardsley, smoothly yet forcefully showing that hay who’s the boss. He is assisted by one of our butchest yet fashionable bears, Gabriel Flores. There is a very important point here: When you are a truck that can handle all that hay and all that gay, you are really onto something….

Still, in all fairness to our Gaywheels.com followers, I have to tell you the truth, which is ironic because rarely do I tell a gentleman caller anything but what they want to hear. But in this case, I will be straight with you, and trust me, it’s hard for me to even think straight……

Okay, okay: I can’t recommend buying the Nissan Titan, unless you can get it in a few months when dealers are ready to cut a very good deal. If you just need a truck, then yes, this is your truck. No frills, no spills – and it’s a great little hauler. Indeed, it’s rugged; the kind of brute you need when all you really want is a brute. I did enjoy driving it …. But my heart is still in love with the Ram 1500 (stay tuned for that review).

Nissan promises that the Titan will be updated nicely by the end of the year.   I sure hope so. I like the people at Nissan; some of the nicest people you will ever meet in the new or used car business. To be fair, Nissan got into the big truck business because they had to, just so they could have a presence in every major car category in the U.S. To date, it hasn’t worked so well with the Titan, which debut in 2004. (To be fair again, the Toyota Tundra, coming from a manufacturer who is really not known for trucks, came in at fifth place this year, just above the Titan.). Here’s hoping 2016 will be the year of the Titan and not The Trump.

In the meantime, Thank you, Steve, for allowing the Front Range Bears to use your Titan for our parade. We really appreciate it, and I appreciate you and all your dinners at Maggiano’s.

Truly, Steve is such a nice man, proving that even some of my best friends are heterosexual – and incredible generous to the Big Gay Bear cause.