I am forever grateful to my pal Tom at the Drive Shop, who gets me cars like the Mitsubishi Lancer to run around town in. When you are getting cars to drive and review, admittedly you never have to face the pump and have the agonizing experience of buying gasoline for less than $2 a gallon. I realize how good I have it – that’s why it’s tough for me to say unkind things about a car. Many of you learned in your Mommy and Me classes to treat others with respect and kindness. Dissing anything, including a car, certainly is not how you were taught to operate. But for all the gaywheels.com faithful, I can’t recommend the Lancer, even if you are looking for a bargain basement car.

In short, there’s nothing truly wrong with the car but there’s really nothing right with it either. The car is a small car that comes off as cheap, especially when you look at the material inside. Mileage is a little below average for the class and, honestly, there is almost nothing to the car that makes it worthwhile, much less ‘gay’. Right now, you might be able to get a 2015 model for about $15,000, but it will most likely be a base trim, with a manual transmission and few frills (well, actually, no frills).

I tested the SE trim, which is a nice step up from the base trim. This one had All-Wheel Control, always nice to have when the weather turns on you (it won’t help at all when a date turns on you, unless you need to make a hasty exit). All-Wheel Control is like 4WD but is different only in that it is electronically controlled. You still have to decide if you or the road needs 2-wheel or 4-wheel drive, but the rest is done for you. To be honest, it’s a nice little feature – but still not enough to seriously consider buying one, since that gooses the price to about $20,000.

Yet indeed, it is a nice-looking car. The one I drove was Octane Blue. Rally Red and Labrador Black are also available, and they are sharp-looking colors. The dashboard is simple and easy to use. Rather than a push-button start, the ignition uses a keyless knob that you turn away from you, just as though you were cranking the engine with a key. It was a bit awkward and had a habit of sticking. Again, not that big a deal, but, yikes, if this were a man, I’d be hard-pressed to ask for a second date.

I’ve always been a bit of a softie. I don’t like to criticize and I really hate to say anything bad about anyone or anything – unless I am pushed into it like I have been by certain obnoxious queens at the occasional HRC event. Then I let it rip and that can get messy, though it always washes right up. So I hate to tell anyone to not take a look at a car …. So how about this? Take a look at the 2015 Mitsubishi Lancer right here and then….

Just as the Republican presidential candidates have an undercard debate for those who poll less than one percent, the Lancer is most likely at the undercard debate…..

…. where its ratings probably won’t get any higher.