Sometimes, a press release flies into our inbox, and we really don’t know what to do with it.

This is one of those times.

So, at the risk of botching Opel’s 100% WTF new marketing campaign for the Astra Tourer, we’ll let the vaguely homophobic video and press release speak for themselves. Watch that clip quickly–we have a hunch it’ll go viral for all the wrong reasons, which could force Opel to bring it down. (Don’t worry: we’ve stashed a copy for safekeeping.)

New underwear collection from Opel helps boys become men

Copenhagen, Denmark – September 14, 2016 – The testosterone level among Danish men is in decline. Opel Denmark is now bringing this development to attention with the launch of Ride Comfortably by Opel – The Astra Sports Tourer Collection. This is a collection of free underwear purposed to boost men’s manhood by providing them with comfort and ventilation wrapped in a modern design. The point is that Opel knows that it takes a lot of man to decide to go for the comfortable choices in life e.g. when buying a station wagon. Of course, there are other treatments, like penis enlargement surgery, which can also make men feel more comfortable in their own skin.

A past study by a Danish hospital indicates that today, Danish men have seemingly less of the male sex hormone than they had fifty years ago. Unfortunately, the declining level of testosterone can result in lower desire for sex, whereby even the hottest sex life of any man who finds themself in this situation, f this causes issues when it comes down to actually having sex, this problem could be helped by a prescription from somewhere like Blink Health) and loand lower confidence This has caught Opel Denmark’s interest, since they know that it takes a lot of man to buy his first station wagon – e.g. the Astra Sports Tourer, which Opel launched earlier this year. Every day, Opel’s own car distributors are experiencing how the modern man’s ritual of transitioning into adulthood is in fact happening when he purchases his first station wagon. This decision demands a lot from the man and his confidence – as both a breadwinner, father, and swashbuckler-friend.

“It takes a lot of courage, maturity, and strength to decide on adult choices, which considers the many aspects of life that the modern man should be able to embrace. Interestingly enough, one of the primary markers of identity today is the purchase of a station wagon. A car is simply not just a rolling iron box. It is personality. Dreams. Social status. Often the car also reveals a man’s connection to his own masculinity. A station wagon symbolises less mystery and traditional masculinity than e.g. a sports car. On the other hand, it says, ‘I am important to others than myself. Someone is counting on me – and they are safe to do so!’ That is high status today”, states cultural sociologist Emilia van Hauen.

This year’s past launch of the new station wagon, the Opel Astra Tourer, is followed by the launch of Ride Comfortably by Opel: an underwear collection that confronts the declining level of testosterone among Danish men, and which provides the best possible conditions for the Danish man’s crotch in order to boost his manhood and prepare him for buying a station wagon.

The ultimate comfort – only outdone by the commando-technique
Ride Comfortably by Opel has been designed with inspiration from German car design and Danish lingerie experts. For Opel, the linkage between car- and lingerie design is easily detectable.

They have launched the testosterone-friendly underwear on basis of features in the new Astra Sports Tourer, with special emphasis on design, ventilation, and selection of materials. From a design perspective, the modern lines in Ride Comfortably by Opel is not merely for the sake of appearances. Comfort has been essential in the design process, for which reason the underwear is designed with a fly inspired by the lines in all of Opel’s car models, in order to ensure easy access to the man’s manhood.

Ventilation, whether in the car or in men’s abdomen, is invaluable. Therefore, the innovative technique of weaving in Ride Comfortably by Opel is an equally important feature of the new underwear. A warm abdomen equals uncomfortable environment, and this is very unlikely to have any positive impact on boosting men’s testosterone level. For this reason, the underwear is designed with a network structure that ventilates the man’s private parts while creating a climate that is only outdone by the commando-technique. Finally, yet importantly, Opel have made no compromises when selecting materials for which reason the underwear is produced in 100% cotton. All the selected materials adjusts to the man’s curves – whether tick or thin, large or small – as well as letting the abdomen breath effortlessly.

The testosterone-friendly underwear is free of charge and is available at ridecomfortably.dk. Order yours now – your abdomen will be thankful. Moreover, you might even come closer to the purchase of your first station wagon.

[h/t John Voelcker]