The 2018 Nissan Rogue Sport is here, and it’s a spunky pocket bear, perfect for all your wild bear fantasies but nice enough to bring to those Lutheran potlucks where at least one person lifts a plate to see whose name is written on the masking tape underneath (thus deciding whether or not to pass on the dish). Friend or fiend, fish or fowl, drag or drug, this subcompact loveable bear is adorable. And fun on the road.
So, here’s how it works: until recently, the Nissan Rogue had been a smallish SUV that was considered midsized and could handle a lot inside (well, perhaps not with my friends and their lunch buckets). Sure enough, America has gone crazy for small (but tiny houses, really?), so now Nissan has decided that the time is right for a spunkier, smaller, lighter Rogue that does what those more agile young cubs can do: run.
It’s still a Rogue but how do we distinguish it from its larger twin brother? Introducing the Nissan Rogue Sport. Think Sport, think smaller (by a smidge).
But let’s be clear: this is still a Rogue, just a little tighter. How do I describe the difference? I can’t say I noticed that it’s one foot shorter. It’s tight in the backseats, but for me and my fat-ass friends, it was tight in the old Rogue too. There is a Regular and Sport driving mode to the car, so pick your pleasure as you see fit. I have never been into sports, although sometimes I envisioned myself as a water sports aficionado in the vein of Mark Spitz or Lloyd Bridges from Sea Hunt. But I am really into this Sport mode, the closest I’ll ever get to playing Varsity. You can get the pep here (and a pep rally) with the Rogue Sport and still bop about your day and feel like you are doing it in a fun, smallish gay car.
And let me tell you, honey, this is a gay car. It’s beautiful, it’s sleek, and assuming it’s large enough to not be a bite to your asp, you will enjoy this car. You won’t be able to fit every last one of your rainbow friends in this car, but that doesn’t mean you can’t crank up the Stefani Germanotta, grab a double-whip, vanilla-ripped, no-shiitake ginger bear latte and go nuts. (Remember, Don’t be a drag, be a Queen.)
The Rogue Sport is a well-rounded solid car that is being aimed at stable, youngish, upwardly-mobile adults who have some style and even more cash. But don’t lie to us, Nissan. You want the gays at your party. There’s no such thing anymore as a good party or great parade unless you have a strong LGBTQ presence. Nissan wants us to go Rogue and tell all our social and media friends. And who can blame them?
Give us some great accessories like the 2018 Nissan Rogue Sport and of course we’ll stop for the paparazzi.
As RuPaul says, “Shantay, you stay, Rogue Sport.”
(Photos courtesy of Nissan)
(Photos courtesy of Dave Bear.)