That’s so gay: 2017 Acura MDX is big, bulky, butch and quite the beauty

Ever gone out with someone whose size rivaled that of the Jolly Green Giant?  Did the “big reveal” show that your massive companion was anatomically proportional, making you feel as though you were standing at the feet of Abraham Lincoln at the Lincoln Memorial? Sure, things might’ve gotten a bit awkward and cramped, but you still enjoyed it, and you still came back for more.

That’s how it is when you drive this year’s Acura MDX, a big hulking vehicle that its creators say is just a baby midsized SUV.

(I admit to being a size queen, so trust me, these vehicles are huge and take up a lot of room.  No matter what the parents say about these Godzillas, they are huge, huggable and wholesome, in a gay kind of way. Just watch your step.)

I tested the MDX All-Wheel Drive Advance (that’s a mouthful), which starts at well over $50,000, so if you do have that kind of money lying around, that could be your 20% down payment on a still-reasonably-priced condo in Portland, Seattle or Denver, where, honestly, all the cool people live. This is a luxury SUV, no doubt about it. Sure, I felt it was a bit clunky while driving it, but in a luxurious kind of way. This is a combination armored vehicle-cum-family travel van that is also a combination bubble bath-cum-seaweed exfoliation. You buy this car if 1) you have the cash, 2) you like to be luxuriated while you drive, and 3) have a reserved parking space or a valet to take care of your big baby while you…do whatever you do.

This year’s MDX looks like it just came from the plastic surgeon’s office, and let me tell you, the knife job is impressive. Described by Edmunds.com as getting a “comprehensive facelift”, this year’s grille is bolder, sporting Acura’s diamond pentagon that has a real Captain America feel to it. Finding words to describe new car angles and lines and breezeways is always challenging, and a bit cheesy. Let’s just say the new look is softer but bolder, powerful but not intimidating, butch but not boxy, and above all else, well, you’d look great in this car.

Nowadays, one has to think carefully about big purchases that involve cars, houses and education. Pick the wrong college and you could find yourself saddled with student debt and no diploma of value. Pick the wrong house and all your money will go to repairs, leaving you no money to enjoy your patio with the poor concrete job.  Pick the wrong car, and you will enjoy it as long as you can make the payments and keep it insured.  And put gas in it.

Average miles per gallon on the Acura MDX is somewhere in the 22 mpg range, depending on trim. This is not the car for the faint of heart or the strapped for cash. This is a big car and it requires a big decision, but again, you will look great in the MDX.

The good news is that now more than ever before, we have choices, and lots of them.  After what happened in Charlotsville, Virginia, it does appear that more people than not are waking up, standing up and making the right choices for the planet. And humanity.

“If you are not outraged, you are not paying attention.”

Thank you, Heather Heyer, for everything you did while serving humanity and protecting the planet.

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