Ladies and gentlemen: welcome to Friday. Please remain in your cubicle until the pilot has turned off the “fasten seatbelt” sign or until the boss skips out for a quick nine holes before dinner. (Whichever comes first.)

In the meantime, please enjoy this complimentary bag of auto-themed news nuggets:

• Monday is tax day: are you prepared? Not for the IRS, but for all the dangerous drivers revving up to roam the streets. Seriously, that shiznit is cray.

• If President Obama were a car, what kind would he be? Resurgent Republic posed that question to a bunch of independents who voted for Obama in 2008 but remain undecided for 2012. It’s an interesting exercise, but we fail to understand why Obama’s biggest fan described him as a Ford Taurus. Not even a Focus, dude?

• Folks in the LGBT community — particularly the gays — often get pegged as fans of pint-sized rides like the Fiat 500. And maybe we are, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make them sound like lean, mean sportscars, courtesy of our smartphones. Added bonus: unlike Ferrari drivers, most of us aren’t compensating for any shortcomings. Are we, fellas?