That’s So Gay: 2015 Lexus ES 350 Is One Of The Gayest, Grandest Sedans In The U.S.

2015 Lexus ES 350Before the snow started falling, Jessica at Lexus asked me to see what I thought of the 2015 Lexus ES 350, a grand sedan of old-school and new-thinking style. (Okay, I asked her if I could drive the car and she relented.) How could I resist, especially since I drove it around the Cedar Springs area of Dallas, Texas, which is one of the gayest areas on the planet?

I will admit, I have always loved the ES 350. This sedan has plenty of power and plenty of interior room, making it a Town and County car of yore while also having a certain space-age techno feel that is very post-Obama while still being very Jackie Kennedy in a pink Chanel suit and pillbox hat. If you’ve got the money, honey, and you like literally being in the lap of luxury where others pine to be in your lap, you cannot go wrong with the Lexus ES 350. There are plenty of nice sedans out there, but this one takes the red velvet cake and rubs it in the faces of people who really are jealous of your style. Talk about throwing shade.

2015 Lexus ES 350This car has everything: power moon roof, push-button start, Smart Stop Technology (for all you grrls with nice shoes that get a little trigger happy from time to time). Optional features (which are worth the extra money if you are already shelling out for the basic trim) include Blind Spot Monitoring, Lane Departure Alert, Intuitive Parking Assist, wood and leather trimmed steering wheel and shift knob, etc, etc, etc …. and it is all worth it because you are worth it.

The 2015 ES 350 has one of the smoothest rides on the planet, possibly something that would even sail through every water-damaged road in Texas and still never skip a note of Sam Smith or Adele. My friends Steve, Eric, Tom and I had a gay ole time driving the ES 350 while hitting every Whataburger, Braum’s Ice Cream and Del Taco in the area. Admittedly, the men at Club Dallas weren’t impressed with the car because we could not take it inside this men’s sauna of note. But as we pulled up to The Black Eyed Pea, everyone noticed, especially the difficulty one has when trying to get a car like this into a tight space.

2015 Lexus ES 350Some reviewers claim that the ES 350 is not sporty enough. I say ‘tell that to the Cleavers’. If you really are looking for something that will blow away the others with speed, well, boy, did you pick the wrong Daddy Warbucks. This car is for the elegant side that we all have, even if it only comes out when we are watching PBS or Sex and the City. My only one true complaint, that this car is so expensive, is rather hollow. Coming in at $48K, that’s a monthly car payment of $800, and that’s for a six-year loan. Yet compared to other cars in this high class – with similar amenities – that’s a steal…. of sorts, not that you should even think of stealing a car like this, but if you are going to commit grand larceny, indeed, make it grand. Now that it’s November, you should be able to find something of a steal on Toyota dealer lots; no color is a bad color with the ES 350.

If you get the ES 350, make sure you have a nice roomy garage for it. While this car can park itself (parallel park assist is not standard), the show is better and more comfortable if it has the dance floor all to itself.

Yeah, you may get tired of it after a year or two. Like the many loves of your life, enjoy the ride while it lasts, know your exists …. and see what other gems Lexus may have to offer.

How about something that is not as big and doesn’t drink as much? The Lexus CT 200h may be just what the doctor really ordered instead of that Percocet your friends like.