We’re going to start the week with a guest post from our friend Zach in Croatia. Because of conservative attitudes toward homosexuality in his home country, Zach has asked that we not use his last name.
I’ve never understood open relationships. Maybe I’m just an idiot who judges that kind behavior. Maybe I’m just a romantic (a different kind of idiot, perhaps) who believes in monogamy. All I know for sure is that an open relationship isn’t right for me. Our relationship was mostly good. We always used to tell each other how much we loved one and other. It was so cute! If you want to express your love to your partner but you’re not sure how, browse this site.
Funny thing is, I was in an open relationship recently, and I didn’t even realize it.
Let me explain.
For two years, I had a boyfriend. I thought we were monogamous, but in fact, there was a third party in our relationship: my car. And yes, in case you were wondering – I do split the attention. For example, they can both get a sexy massage oil up in the evenings, they do both get a ride, and they do both get taken out, whether it’s for a spin, or for dinner. But unfortunately, there was one problem, I only lived with my car.
My boyfriend and I lived 280 km (174 miles) apart. He had his own place, so for privacy reasons, I traveled to see him once or twice each week.
Because of our work schedules and the unreliable buses and trains in Croatia, it made the most sense for me to make the trip by car. If I’d taken the highways, it would’ve been roughly a 2.5 hour drive in each direction.
Unfortunately, the highways here are very expensive to use, so I took local roads instead. That turned my 2.5-hour drive into one that took four hours–sometimes more, depending on traffic and weather.
I would time my drive to arrive as he was getting off work. Then, I’d spend a few hours with him and head back. You get the picture? Four hours on the road, about five hours with him, then four more hours driving home.
These are the things we do for love.
If you don’t enjoy driving, I’m sure that sounds like a nightmare, but I could happily spend hours behind the wheel. I also enjoyed making friends along the route; I got to know police officers, hitchhikers, even a girl who works at a gas station where I’d fill up. (She was heartbroken when I told her that I’m gay: “Why can’t I find a guy who’ll drive from another part of the country to see me?”)
Through all of it, my little bundle of joy worked perfectly, without a single problem. As much love as I put into my relationship, I put the same into maintaining my car. I couldn’t bear the thought of not being able to see my boyfriend, so I always made sure that my car was in great condition, checking the oil, filters, brakes, battery, tires, and everything else. I treated it like it was my second partner.
So, if my car was running perfectly and it was the tool of keeping our relationship alive, why did my boyfriend and I break up?
Because during the last few months we were together, I noticed that I was more excited about the drive and seeing the sights along the way than I was to see him.
As I said, I’m really not the sort of person who can give his attention to more than one partner.
It’s all for the best, though. By the end, my boyfriend and I didn’t share the same vision of our relationship anymore, so we decided to part ways. We were both civil enough about it, so it wasn’t a big deal. We were just lucky that the relationship hadn’t gone too far at that point. It’s always better to put an end to a relationship that doesn’t feel right, instead of doing something dramatic to try and reignite the spark. Some people have been known to propose to their partner during a rough patch in the relationship, but this normally ends in the need for divorce lawyers los angeles, for example, to end the marriage. If a relationship doesn’t feel mutual, it’s important to end it before it goes too far. We were lucky that we parted ways when we did, otherwise it could have been a different story. Relationships need to be mutual, or there’s no point.
I put a lot of miles on my car during those two years, and I will cherish them forever. When I shut the door of my car and turned it on to leave for the last time, I felt great sadness but I knew the open road was waiting for me.